Mirror: Not really, why?
Dorkpool: Because the story we’re Riffing today is called “Who’s On The Menu?”
Mirror: That sounds very cannibalistic, and this worries me.
Dorkpool: Well, let’s name our hallucinations and Riff this bitch to see if cannibalism is involved.
*Footage from ten minutes ago*
Dorkpool: Why do I feel like Warner Bros. is trying to contain that footage, but will fail and just release an HD version of the footage online?
“I call him Jeff because I really liked this CreepyPasta called ‘Jeff the Killer'”, I said, “and-”
“Why is a girl your age reading horror like that?”
“Don’t interrupt me.”, I said,
Mirror: (Person): I am your better, and you shall do as I say!
“But, to answer your question, I love the CreepyPasta stories by Mr. CreepyPasta. His stories are the best!”
Dorkpool: (Interviewer): Ok, but you actually didn’t answer my question.
“Okay, but you say you can see this demon?”, he asked.
“Yes…”, I said, “He’s my best friend…”
Mirror: (Interviewer): You don’t have many friends, do you?
Dorkpool: (Person): Who needs friends when you have demons?
I looked over in the dark corner of my house.
“Hey Jeff.”, I said.
The news reporter and camera people looked around, but couldn’t see him. He was right there. How come they didn’t see him?
Dorkpool: I’m going to say because you’re batshit insane and he’s just a hallucination.
“Where is he, uh…”
“Cynthia.”, I said, crossing my arms.
“Cynthia…where is he?”, he asked.
“Over there in that corner…he’s smiling at you right now.”, I said.
I notice the reporter sweat, and his hand holding the microphone trembling.
“Uh, c-could we talk to your parents?”, he said.
“Well, they’re not here.”, I said while smiling.
“Then, where are they?”, he said.
Mirror: (Cynthia): They’re at a farm upstate, like where all old things go.
I looked at Jeff, and smiled.
“Where are y-”
Before he finished, all the doors in the house opened and closed franticly.
“They died….because of Jeff.”, I said.
The reporter and camera man looked at each other, and chuckled.
“Well, then.”, he said while chuckling, “What does, ‘Jeff’, look like?”
“He’s Tall, but not as tall as Jeff the Killer. He has gray skin, dark brown hair, and blue eyes.”, I said, “He also has sharp nails. Sharp enough to KILL someone.”
Dorkpool: So he looks absolutely nothing like his namesake. Got it.
“Okay…but really, where are your parents?”, he asked.
I looked at the camera, and laughed like a mad-man.
“Foolish people!”, I laughed,
Mirror: There’s only one person.
Dorkpool: I think insanity impedes the ability to count.
“You’ll never make it out of this house alive!!!”
I took out my pocket knife, and made a signal for Jeff to come over.
“T-That’s enough, sw-”
Before he finished, Jeff cut off his hand, and the man screamed in pain. It was music to my ears…
Dorkpool: (Cynthia): Maybe I could record it and make a dubstep remix.
“Ahhh! Son of a-!”, he shouted.
I grabbed his face, and opened his mouth. I cut out his tongue, and through it to Jeff, who instantly ate it up.
“You should never swear in front of children.”, I said.
I looked at the camera man, and stabbed him in the stomach.
“I hope your hungry, Jeff.”, I said.
He instantly appeared, and I turned off the camera.
Mirror: Wild Jeff are attracted to food.
“I’ll have to burn it to a DVD, and delete the footage afterward.
“Ha ha ha! That’s my girl.”, he growled in a deep voice.
“Learned from the best.”, I said, “Now, help me put these in ‘The Frezzer’, or you won’t get any dinner.”
Dorkpool: (Jeff): Ok, but what’s a Frezzer?
*Turns off TV*
“Wasn’t that fun Jeff?”, I asked.
“Yes…it was…”, he said.
“Oh, looks like someone joined us for dinner.”, I said.
Mirror: And suddenly this has become Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner 2: Crazy In-Laws.
Jeff looks ahead, and smiles.
“That’s right, we’re talking to you.”, I said, “Would you like to stay for ‘dinner’?”
“Ha HA HA!”, Jeff laughed.
“Well, for dinner…you’re on the menu…”
Dorkpool: You know, I say that to Indo a lot.
Dorkpool: When we eat out.
Dorkpool: This story sucks.
Mirror: The spelling and grammar are pretty flawed, there’s no characterization, and the story itself has a lot of plot holes and unanswered questions. For example, who was the person interviewing her? Why? How did he not know her name before going into this interview? Why does Cynthia call this being Jeff when, according to the description, he looks nothing like Jeff the Killer? Is it only because she likes the story? I mean, it’s probably why the writer named the character Jeff, but in the story, there’s not a good explanation. Jeff is a living being with an intelligence of sorts and a corporeal form. Why does he not have a name until Cynthia gives him one? And how can they break the fourth wall? Did they become Deadpool?
Dorkpool: There are good things. The story’s short, so it’s not a drag to read. And, like “An Interview With Curtis Jackman,” the whole “interview with a crazy person” thing is a good idea. However, the story still isn’t that good. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d be eaten? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.