Mirror: Peanut butter and apples?
Dorkpool: Yes, but-
Mirror: Jeff the Killer and shipping?
Dorkpool: That too, but-
Mirror: Mary Jane and Peter Parker?
Dorkpool: If you ask Joe Quesada, yes, but-
Mirror: You and a fanbase?
Dorkpool: Well fuck you too.
Mirror: Anyway, what were you going to say?
Dorkpool: Star Trek and the Jeff Formula.
Mirror: I…how do those things even go together?
Dorkpool: I’m not sure. But someone obviously watched Star Trek when coming up with the name for this story: “Miri.”
Mirror: Does it actually have anything to do with Star Trek?
Dorkpool: Well, let’s fail this city, and Riff this bitch!
Love and Pain are two very different but very powerful emotions.
Dorkpool: In other news, water is wet and paper is thin.
It was cloudy outside, with rain sure to come; to her it was the most perfect weather.
Mirror: Screw sunny days. LET THERE BE PRECIPITATION!
It reminded her of the day she left her old parents and got new, much nicer ones. They'd even changed her name, Miri, such a pretty name she thought,
Dorkpool: So did Captain Kirk.
'A pretty name for a pretty little sister' Emil had said.
She wondered if Tomas would come over today, he'd been her boyfriend for many months, he'd make the room light up even if the power went out.
Mirror: (Narrator): He had a habit of setting things on fire.
Miri heard Tess calling her, the adopted mother that took care of her. Miri liked her, but she knew she made Tess uneasy, who couldn't be.
Mirror: She couldn’t be uneasy?
Closing her blinds, Miri ran downstairs, her light steps noiseless. "Miri there you are, Dinner is ready" Tess said, she smiled warmly at the other kids as they came down.
"Do I have to sit next to her?"
Dorkpool: (Britannia): You can’t sit with us.
Miri sighed and cast her green-and-bright brown (Almost reddish in color) gaze at her adopted sister. "She creeps me out" Britannia complained, sitting next to Emil. "Britannia!" Kelvin scolded as he came from his office. "Don't talk to your sister that way" he added. "She's not my sister!"
Mirror: (Kelvin): And you’re not my favorite child. Now shut up, you disappointment.
Britannia protested, glaring at her spoon.
"I'll get it" Tess said and ran to the door "Oh hello Tomas, we're about to eat dinner" Miri heard from the front door. "Mind if I join?" Tom asked "Of course!" Tess replied, "Oh where is Dophey" she mumbled. They hadn't changed his name like they'd changed hers; he said he liked his name.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): He has a bad taste in names.
"Dinner's ready!" she called upstairs, a little boy, no more than 7 came bounding down. "OK Tess" He said, sitting in his chair.
Tomas sat down next to Miri, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. Something felt off, but Miri ignored it and began to eat her chicken.
Mirror: (Narrator): She would just wait until after dinner to tongue her boyfriend.
After dinner, Miri helped Tess wash the dishes and walked outside, sitting on the steps and enjoying the cool wind. Tomas say next to her, he didn't have his smile or that little bounce to his step.
Dorkpool: Accurate depiction of marriage.
"Tom is something wrong?" Miri asked, laying a hand on his shoulder. He flinched away from her touch. Something was really wrong.
Mirror: (Narrator): She usually had to beat him before he flinched.
"Tom, Talk to me" Miri said, looking him in the face. "It's over Miri, it's not working out" Tomas had to repeat himself because Miri couldn't believe what she was hearing. Almost unconsciously she started fiddling with her promise ring "after collage, we'll get married, and this signifies my promise to you, that I'll always be yours" he'd said. Now it seemed like a piece of silver and diamond.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Which was odd, since it was made of plastic.
"I'm sorry Miri, I'm leaving" He said before getting up and leaving.
You could have heard a pin drop.
Miri knew he'd been in love with her, it was true, and he really had so what happened? She got up from the steps and followed him, using her hunter walk to not alert him to her presence.
Dorkpool: Because a hunter walk is a thing.
Outside of his house a little further along the wooded road, there was a car, not his. A stunning girl stepped out at Tomas's appearance, her long brown hair was put into a messy bun and her short skirt didn't leave much to the imagination. Miri quickly hid and watched as Tomas gave her a passionate kiss, whispered something in her ear and walked inside.
Mirror: (Tomas): Hail Hydra.
Her nails dug into her palm, she didn't notice until it started to really hurt. Miri walked back to her house, feeling angry, hurt and betrayed, like when her parents gave her and Dophey away.
When she got home she went straight upstairs and fell asleep, trying to forget Tomas ever existed. Her nightmare went something like this. There was a little girl, it looked a little like her, but slightly different, how Miri wanted to look rather than how she did look.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): That’s why the girl had wings and laser vision.
The girl was crying, when Miri asked her what was wrong the girl replied "It hurts, it hurts really bad, I'm sorry, I'm going to do something bad" she cried.
Mirror: (Girl): I’m going to go to a Star Trek convention, and say that Darth Vader is my favorite Star Trek character.
Miri felt a chill go down her spine; she hugged the girl, who kept saying 'I'm sorry' over and over again.
Then the voice got deeper, something warm and sticky touched her back.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Maple syrup.
When she tried to pull back she was held in place by something the consistency of a rubber band. She realized it was human skin; she was trapped, kept hearing voices mumbling the same things the girl had over and over. Miri snapped awake, feeling cold.
She got up and got a glass of water with shaking fingers, trying to slow her heart down. She needed a distraction so she grabbed her bow and quiver and slipped outside into the damp night.
Mirror: (Narrator): She was going to find people and tell them that they have failed this city.
She ran into the woods well away from any people and held an arrow in the rest, in case she saw an animal. When a small turkey walked her way, it was shot and killed before it could squawk.
Dorkpool: NOT THE TURKEY! YOU MONSTER!
The sight of blood on her arrow gave her… pleasure to know she'd kill it.
The feeling scared her to death.
She'd felt pride when her dad commented on how they wouldn't have to pay for any meat when they brought down a deer or turkey together. It never gave her pleasure; it scared her and made her want more at the same time. After killing a few more turkeys, she decided it wasn't enough, she needed something big, and smart enough to put of a struggle.
Mirror: (Narrator): Maybe a German Shepard.
Miri's mind settled on one target; Tomas. Smirking, she picked up her arrows, forgetting about the turkey and ran towards Tomas's house at a full sprint. When she got to the door, she rested a bit and slipped her dagger out of a pocket in her quiver, putting it in her pocket where she could easily reach it.
"Knock, Knock Tommy" she said in a sing-song voice, her bow ready to fire.
Tomas opened the door and dodged her Arrow out of pure luck.
Dorkpool: I hate it when my victims dodge my Oliver Queens!
Her accuracy was bar none, she'd wanted him to live, wanted him to suffer. He tried to run, but he was bigger than she was and she tackled him to the ground, smashing his coffee table. Miri pinned him on the bricks next to the fireplace, the tips of his hair curled from the heat. "You hurt me Tomas, why did you hurt me?"
Mirror: (Tomas): My balls liked the other lady.
Miri asked, loading her bow and aiming for his forehead. Tomas looked terrified "Miri, come on sweetheart…" "DON'T CALL ME SWEETHEART"
Dorkpool: (Miri): CALL ME RICHARD!
Miri screamed, and let go of the string. He could only gasp for a half-second before the arrow had lodged its-self in his skull, killing him instantly. Miri shoved what she could in the fireplace, watching it burn.
When the girl came, she killed her too, and took pleasure in pulling her arrow out of the girl's neck, letting a fountain of blood spill onto the wooden floor.
Mirror: Oh, great, you got the floor dirty. Do you know how much of pain it is to clean that up?
Walking outside, skipping in that careless way only an insane killer could, Miri danced into the night, bow armed, heading for her own house.
By Hetalialuvver on deviant art
Mirror: Wait, you have the author here?
Dorkpool: Yes, yes it is.
Dorkpool: This story isn’t very good.
Mirror: The biggest flaw is Miri’s descent into murder. It doesn’t make much sense. So, her boyfriend cheats on her, and she goes batshit insane and kills him? I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it, but it just seems…forced. Maybe if there were more character development, or maybe an establishment of mental issues, it might have worked. But it doesn’t work here. Also, there isn’t much in the way of characterization, and the grammar has some flaws (mostly in the quotation mark category. The writer forgot to add punctuation at the end of some of them).
Dorkpool: That all being said, the story isn’t horrible. Yes, it uses the Jeff Formula. Yes, it’s flawed. However, for a Jeff Formula story, it isn’t that terrible. The motive for Miri’s murderous snap makes more sense than a lot of other stories. The spelling and grammar, while flawed, is better than quite a few Jeff Formula stories (-cough- “White the Killer” –cough-). And while there isn’t much characterization, it isn’t that necessary for this story. However, the flaws in the story make it hard for me to call it “good.” But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d failed this city? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
The Killer Klub was a rather exclusive club. Well, it wasn’t a club per se; it was more of a place where people who’ve gone through similar ordeals meet and hang around. These ordeals usually include a bad family, bullying, abuse of any sort, insanity, and an urge to kill.
There is a reason why it’s called the Killer Klub, after all.
However, there recently seemed to be a decrease in attendance. It started with Rae. While she wasn’t someone who was at the club daily, she usually came around once a week, at least. Yet she hadn’t been around. There are quite a few logical explanations for this, of course. She could be busy, or out of town. Or perhaps she’s dead or arrested. But that didn’t seem right, as someone probably would’ve found out about it.
Then Clockwork stopped coming. That was very strange. She always came once a week, at 7:00 sharp. It was like…well, clockwork. And yet she’s stopped coming.
The person who ran the club, Myra (sometimes known as “Myra the Killer”, but not at the club), started noticing these disappearances, but didn’t say anything. After all, there could be logical reasons for this.
Then the Bloody Painter vanished. He was at the club on an almost daily basis, usually with one of his “works” that shows to other patrons. Yet he’s been no-show for a while. That wasn’t like him. He always craves attention.
Things got a bit more worrisome when White didn’t show up. Myra had always been friendly with White, mostly because she felt bad for her. White seemed to believe that Jeff was with her, and that they were in love. However, Jeff shows up, at most, once in a blue moon, and he’d never shown up with her. Yet White still believed Jeff was with her. Whenever she could, Myra talked to White, and tried helping her on her quest to kill Eyeless Jack (who, as far as Myra knew, was a myth).
And now White wasn’t showing up.
The Killer Klub wasn’t in a fixed location; it always moved from place to place in order to be hard to track. (It was a club of killers after all, and the police would love to capture all of them.) While it’s possible that Rae and Clockwork and the Bloody Painter and White might have simply been unable to find the club, Myra doubted it. Something fishy was going on, and Myra was determined to find out what it was. So, she started asking around, trying to see if anyone knew the whereabouts of the missing killers. It took a while, but she found someone. That someone said he’d get someone who knew exactly where the killers were, and that Myra just had to meet them outside the club.
That’s why Myra is now standing outside the Killer Klub, waiting for…someone. Her informant hadn’t really described who would show up, just that she’d know him when she saw him.
It didn’t take long for the guy to show up. He wore black armor, and a skull helmet. Myra would’ve considered that weird, but she’s seen a lot stranger.
“So,” she said. “You know where Rae, Clockwork, the Bloody Painter, and White are?”
The guy nodded. “I can take you to see them right now.”
Myra looked back at the club.
“I don’t know, I have a club to run…” she started.
“Don’t worry, I’ll bring them with us.” The man said.
Before Myra could comprehend just what he meant, dozens of people in black armor and black helmets seemed to appear out of nowhere, and barged inside the club.
Myra didn’t know where they came from or how they got here (perhaps they can turn invisible. It certainly wasn’t out of the realm of possibility, since she knew a few people who could), but she knew that she was needed. While she was pretty sure everyone inside could take care of themselves, it was her club, damn it, and she wasn’t going to let some knock-off storm troopers go inside there.
Myra turned around, and started to run towards the club. That was unfortunate for her, since the man in the skull helmet grabbed her by her hair, and smashed her into the ground, knocking her unconscious.
Soon, every patron in the club suffered a similar fate to Myra.
Everything was going according to plan.
Soon phase two could begin.