On board the JeffxOC, Dorkpool, Mirror, Sylvia, and Jeff the Killer were sitting around at a table, looking at a photo Dorkpool had recovered from the Cheese Doodle.
“Yep. Far as I can tell, they’re probably superheroes.” Dorkpool responded.
“And you base this on…?”
“Well, they’re dressed in costumes, and two of them seem to have some glowing vein things going on. If that doesn’t say ‘superhero,’ I don’t know what does.”
“One of them looks like the catgirl,” Jeff observed.
“Two things: first, she has a name you know. And second, yeah, it is.”
“Wait, wait,” Sylvia said. “You’re saying that your catgirl ex-girlfriend was at one point part of a team of superheroes and you want to find her and said team in order to stop a guy who blew your spaceship out of the sky?”
“Yep. Life’s weird, ain’t it?”
“Where would we even look?” Mirror asked.
“Well, it’s where would I even look, and I know a guy.” Dorkpool said.
“Wait, just you?”
“On your own?”
“Yes. Why? Do you think I can’t survive on my own?”
“No, it’s that there are people who want to kill us, and I think that you, on your own, won’t be able to handle all of them.”
“That’s why I’m looking for people with superpowers.”
“What if they’re just cosplayers?” Sylvia asked.
“Nah, Indo was never really into cosplay.” Dorkpool responded.
“Well, had she mentioned this before?”
“Well, what if she wanted to hide that part of her past?”
“She wanted to hide that she was a cosplayer? Come now, that’s crazy. Superheroism is much more likely.”
Everyone paused for a moment to take that in.
“…our lives are weird,” Sylvia said.
“Listen, we don’t exactly have many options. We can either wait here for another attack, or I can go find some help. Yes, this is a longshot, but it’s better than nothing.” Dorkpool stated.
“Why does it only have to be you?” Mirror asked.
“First, the guy I know only knows me, and is more than a tad suspicious of others. Second, if you think I can’t protect only me, what makes you think I can protect you and Sylvia?” Dorkpool asked.
“You know, we can take care of ourselves,” Sylvia said.
“I know. But there’s still the fact that, together, we’re one big target. If I go on my own, then they have to divert resources towards me or just ignore me entirely. We don’t know exactly how large the forces are we’re dealing with. But, considering that we were attacked by Jane the Killer instead of those Protector assholes, I think they’re stretched a bit thin.” Dorkpool explained.
“Alright. So, what if you do find them?” Mirror asked.
“I explain our situation, and get them to help.”
“Listen, I’m not an expert on superheroes or whatever it is you’re talking about, but if we don’t hear about them anymore, I’m pretty sure they broke up. And, far as I know, it’s not exactly easy to bring a broken up group of superfolks back together.” Jeff said.
“Well, I’ve got to try. It’s really our only shot.”
“Our only shot to stop this Skrien asshole, or your only shot to make amends with your ex?” Mirror asked.
“You heard Jeff. Indo was part of that team. Tell me you aren’t hoping to find her on your trip.”
“Well, of course I hope to find her. Assemble the team, all that jazz. And yes, I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t partially motivated by love. I didn’t try looking for a while because I wasn’t ready, but I am now.
“However, that’s not why I’m doing this. I’m doing this to find help, assemble a superteam, and stop that Skrien schmuck. We need them. And nothing you guys can do will stop me. So either help me, or get out of my way.”
All were silent after Dorkpool’s declaration. The weight of his words hung in the air.
Finally, Mirror spoke.
“So, we can’t stop you?”
“No, you can’t.” Dorkpool responded.
“Well, fine, but we need to do one thing before you go.”
“And what would that be?”
Dorkpool: The last story I’ll be Riffing for a bit has an interesting title.
Dorkpool: Yep. “The Room.”
Sylvia: Great, someone decided to do a novelization of Tommy Wiseau’s…I want to say “masterpiece,” but I can’t.
Mirror: Is it anything like the movie?
Dorkpool: Well, let’s fall in love with a killer…thing and Riff this bitch to find out.
Your name is Mark, you are 14 years old.
Dorkpool: (Tommy Wiseau): Ohai Mark.
You have brown hair and emerald green eyes. You walk down to your dorm as you trip over the foot of Andy, your worst enemy. But you didn't care.
Mirror: (Narrator): He was your worst enemy. Fuck him.
You carry on walking as you reach your dorm you pull the door open, blood, stabbing, gory posters everywhere; it was the only thing that you liked; it was your only way to escape the world.
Sylvia: You must have some serious issues.
You firmly shut the door and lock it... Tired from classes you lay down on your bed staring at the celling. That was when you had a "beep" you realise it was your phone as you turn it on there were some messages:
Dorkpool: (Phone): Is your refrigerator running? Because I think it grew legs and has gone on a murder spree.
Kate- Omg Mark you have to help me!! I'm stuck in my room!!!
Kate- OMG OMG OMG OMG Someone is here!! Omg Mark help!!!!
Kate- It's coming for me!!! NOOO MARK HELP ME!!!
Mirror: You know, you could call the police.
Dorkpool: Have you learned nothing in the time you’ve been Riffing here? The police in bad Creepypasta stories are morons.
That was it after that he had no more texts from Kate, you didn't know what was going on but you had a strange feeling inside you that it was bad.
Sylvia: The author would’ve written, “You’ve got a bad feeling about this,” but was afraid that Lucasfilm would sue.
You finally found the courage to go into Kate's room. As you open the door there was a figure standing there in the darkness, you felt your heart beating fast as you stared at it, its back to you when he turned around...
Dorkpool: (Figure): Ohai Mark.
A dirty mask that seemed like it used to be white but now covered with dirt and dots of blood. But the mask only covered half of its face.. You realise it was a man.. His horrendous smile, yellow teeth, he glared at you as his grin became bigger, you took a step back as he walked forwards.. Clutching onto his massive sissors.. You stay silent, you tried to scream but nothing came out just a mumble.. "ah..." You mumbled you couldn't scream.. Your voice was lost somewhere..
Mirror: Leavenworth, Washington, to be exact.
"Shh... Don't scream young boy..I won't hurt you, this is The Room. I will take your life if you decide to tell anyone about this room... Or if you have the courage to fight me.."
Sylvia: Wait, if Mark has the courage to fight the guy, he’ll take his life? That’s not courage. That’s stupidity.
Dorkpool: Welcome to this story.
His dark voice filling you as the sentence replayed in your head, the massive grin never left your brain. You stepped back and nodded as you closed the door. You held your scream in as you walked back into your room and turned the lights on. That was when you had another message.
Dorkpool: (Phone): Your refrigerator just kidnapped a stove, and is holding it hostage. Can you get down here? Thanks.
Kate- and I mean NO ONE.
you realise it wasn't from Kate it was from the strange man.
Kate was a random friend you made, now you have dorms your friendship has become nothing.
Mirror: (Narrator): So her death doesn’t really matter at all.
But she still asks you for help though she still trusts you. When you quickly peered out of the window you decide you wanted to go to sleep as you turn the lights off and crawled in your blanket ( obviously you would close your eyes. ) as you fell asleep..
Sylvia: (Narrator): …and saw Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dorkpool: Wait, you’re not making a Jeff the Killer joke here?
Sylvia: After all that’s happened, wouldn’t that be a bit insensitive?
Dorkpool: Fair enough.
The dream you had was unpleasant; you woke up sweating wondering why you even dreamt about that when you saw again the same figure standing in front of your bed watching you.
"Now, now.. Did you have a bad dream?"
Dorkpool: (Mark): No, just an unpleasant one.
He asks you grinning, you'd nod in reply since there was no chance of you lying to a mad man like him, "Well then.. keep sleeping.. I will make your dreams better and you won't feel a thing young boy... I'm getting tired of calling you young boy, what is your real name, if you don't mind me asking?"
Mirror: (Mark): Jonathan Filmore Richenbach Wilmont Fredrickson Edgar Armont Vegemite III.
"Mark." you replied quietly.
"My name is Mark."
Sylvia: (Mark): Marky Mark.
You say as you look at him sitting beside your bed... He stares back at you smiling as he turned into a boy.. Blonde hair, honey gold eyes and a lovley smile.
"Let's just say I'm disgusing myself, my name is Noah, you will play along.. Won't you?" You nod and smile. He didn't seem so evil after all.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Then again, you aren’t very bright, so you’re not good at telling who is and isn’t evil.
The next day came fast as you woke up with "Noah" by your side. As he sat up with a massive smile. You both walk along down to class as Andy stares at you puzzled.
"Who's this asshole?" He asks walking towards "Noah"
Mirror: (Mark): Aren’t you dead?
Dorkpool: (Andy): I was mostly dead. I got better.
"This is Noah and don't you think about laying one fingure on him Andy, back off." You step in front of "Noah" as Andy glares at you in suprise. "Noah" smiled at you as you both walk on, you got on well and became good friends, even though you knew what was behind that disguise but you appreciated having a friend..
Sylvia: (Narrator): Despite the fact that he killed some unimportant characters.
After the classes Sally wanted to go into Kate's room..
Dorkpool: Hey, Sally, get introduced into the story first before you try doing anything.
"She left the school." I quickly say as Sally looked at me.
"Oh.." She says quietly as she walked away from the door. "Noah" gave you a cuddle.. A cuddle you never had before, his warm arms around your shoulders. You started feeling the friendly love you never had felt from Kate. You cuddled him back.
Mirror: Ummm…is this becoming yaoi?
"Awesome, now... Keep going." He says..
At night when you went in your bed "Noah" returned. As he cloned himself and disguised as a girl, long silky black hair down to the end of "her" back, chocolate brown eyes and light tea brown skin. "She" smiled.. "My name is Neve."
Sylvia: (Noah/Neve): I happen to like the letter ‘n.’
You couldn't help thinking she was cute but you never thought of dating or any further...
Dorkpool: But did you think about cuddling?
Soon night after night his room was full with people.. Andrew, Kara, Reece, Tora, Kayden, Taylor, Drake, Vicky, Tyreese, Karrey, Billy, Eva, Zack, Lauren, Rowan, Tilly, Oliver, Tiger-lily ( Longer version of "Tilly or Tily" ), Gretchan, Dawn, River and Clemintine. So many people..
Mirror: So little character development.
That was when you saw him clone you. He laughed.... You went into The Room to find your corpse there.. You were dead. You were a ghost.
Sylvia: (Narrator): You were phone.
He carried on laughing, laughing...
"Oh humans.. Easy to fool aren't they?"
Dorkpool: Well, a certain portion of them are convinced Donald Trump would be a good president, so I’m going with ‘yes.’
He says.. You became mad as you stole a axe and managed to teleport.. "Noah" soon forgot about you as you stalked him, you painted in the dorms in blood.. All with the same words:
Mirror: (Words): Longing. Rusted. Furnace. Daybreak. Seventeen. Benign. Nine. Homecoming. One. Freight car.
"It's funny how easily fooled we are... But I'm not fooled... I'm here for revenge."
As you stalked "Noah" he finally notices you and starts to freak out as you slice his head off.. You entered The Room again... You realise that the people he cloned were the people he murdered.
Sylvia: In other news, the sky is blue and paper is thin.
He never cloned Kate.. Because he knew that you knew her... But you found the truth, he was dead.. His head rolling around... You closed your eyes as you woke up to find him as a ghost... He wasn't dead... His spirit was still here... He was still alive...
Dorkpool: And I’m very confused.
You went back to your school as you murdered everyone. Every teacher, every student, every pet and ripped every book..
Mirror: Ok, ripping the books was a bit much.
You chucked the bodies all in The Room That was when you realised that Andy was watching you. Madly, you laughed as you turned around to face him.. Blood all over your face, clothes... Everything... You dived at him holding him down to the floor as you strangled him then on several times you punched him where his heart was as he gasped for air... That was when you took his life, chopping him into pieces... And to you, it was your work done.. You finished what you began. You took revenge.. And now you set on the world.
Dorkpool: This story sucks and is rather confusing.
Mirror: We’re introduced to Mark, our main character, who, like pretty much everyone else in this story, has no sort of character. It also introduces characters by killing them off. Well, I think they’re killed off. The story said Andy died, then he popped back up. Was he brought back? Was he ever dead? Was he just asleep? Was it a dream? And there’s Kate, who’s mentioned a bit at the beginning, is killed, and was said to not be at all close to Mark. Now, not being close to the main character is fine, as long as you make the death have some meaning. You know, say, “Though you hadn’t talked to her in a while, she still trusted you, and you let her down. The guilt eats away at you.” Something like that. Have it affect the main character. And Sally just pops in for only one or two lines, and is immediately forgotten. And then, towards the very end, a whole bunch of characters are mentioned out of the blue, and all of them had no real impact on the story. Character death is fine and dandy, as long as it pushes the story forward or affects the characters in a certain way. And even disregarding the lack of characterization for anyone (well, maybe a bit for the monster introduced at first, who is…somewhat evil? I guess that’s something), the story and actions make no sense. So, Mark finds this creature that killed some random people and isn’t supposed to tell anyone about it. Fair enough. Then the being transforms into some guy, and the two become close and a bit gay. Ooooookay. Then the thing becomes a girl, and they both see a bunch of dead bodies, and Mark becomes evil and kills a bunch of people, and decides to kill everyone? Wait, what? The story took a right turn into crazy town. Listen, if you’re going to write a bad story, fine. But stay consistent. Also, one last thing to note: pretty bad spelling and grammar.
Sylvia: There are a few good things, and a reason for the bad. In a comment on the story, the author said that the story wasn’t meant to be scary or be considered at all professional because he wrote it straight away since he “couldn't be bothered to plan it out XD.” Not much of an excuse, but there is a reason for this. And, to be honest, some ideas in the story could be good. For example, the idea of falling for someone who you know is murderer partly due to being forced and partly due to loneliness could be good. Well, as long as it’s written more as a tragedy than a romance. It shouldn’t have a happy ending. To be honest, if the ending was changed completely, more things were elaborated on, and the characters were more developed, the story might’ve been able to work. As is, it really doesn’t.
Dorkpool: But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d be killed, but end up alive, but then killed? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
Near the side of the JeffxOC, Sylvia and Mirror stood next to Dorkpool (Jeff declined to come, since he was busy running the ship, and had no real attachment to Dorkpool). He was getting everything he needs – money, weapons, food, etc. – into a motorboat he called the Motorboaty McBreastFace.
“So, this is it?” Mirror asked.
“Eh, for a bit. I’ll be back. ‘Til then, I want you and Sylvia to keep Riffing.” Dorkpool responded.
Dorkpool finished putting everything in the motorboat.
“Well, I guess this is goodbye.” Dorkpool said to his friends.
“So it is.” Mirror responded.
All stood awkwardly, just fidgeting and thinking of something to say.
Finally, Sylvia said, “Oh, just hug or something,”
Mirror and Dorkpool hugged.
“Stay safe,” Mirror said.
“I will. And you two better not mess up my Riffs.” Dorkpool responded.
“We won’t. I’m gonna miss your dickishness.”
The two got out of the hug.
“Yeah, don’t try with me. I’m not the hugging type,” Sylvia said.
Sylvia nodded, and they shook hands.
“Don’t mess up my Riffs, or you’re fired.” Dorkpool said.
“Don’t die, or I’m unemployed.” Sylvia responded.
Dorkpool laughed, then got on the motorboat, waving as he left.
The boat grew farther and farther away from the JeffxOC, until all Sylvia and Mirror could see was a tiny dot.
What would happen next, nobody knew.
Dorkpool’s story will be continued in “Meanwhile, OFF the Cheese Doodle” The Riffs will still be in the same place.