Sylvia: Why is it even called the S.S. JeffxOC?
Dorkpool: Oh. Because I told Jeff – the Killer, who owns this ship, for all you new readers – to. I gave him the money to get the ship (thank you, replicator) under the condition that he give it this name.
Dorkpool: Yeah. Anyway, onto the story we’re Riffing.
Mirror: Is it anything good?
Dorkpool: Dude, you and I have been Riffing for a while. You should know better than to ask this.
Mirror: Hey, you can’t stop me from hoping, can you?
Dorkpool: I guess not. Anyway, we’re Riffing a story called “Unhappy Dinner Guest Ritual.” That’s right, a ritual Creepypasta.
Dorkpool: That’s the spirit! Anyway, let’s confirm the Illuminati and Riff this bitch!
If you want to complete this ritual you will have to do the following.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Send money to your local Nigerian prince.
You will have to stay up around 24 hours. At these precise times: 1:28 because 12 is 0 and if you add 88, then you will get this time because you want the time 0.88, but that does not exist unless you follow these rules.
2:31 because the time 1:91 is non-existent unless you carry over, which gets you the time 2:31. 2:60, 3:00, 4:00, 4:30 because 3:90 is also a non-existent time, so you carryover getting 4:30. 7:00, 7:06 because 6:66 is another non-existent time meaning you will have to carry over like before. 9:00, and 13:00.
Sylvia: Is this a big Illuminati confirmed joke?
1. At these exact times ring a dinner bell, they cannot be a minute off, seconds don’t matter.
Dorkpool: Way to take the stress off, dude. Don’t you know how to write a ritual pasta? It has to be down to seconds and be completely implausible.
2. It has to be done in a very dark place, where it is hard to see.
Mirror: (Narrator): That way you can’t see how stupid you look.
3. The only light you can use is the light from a lighter, if you want it to work. It is required you use a lighter, you cannot do it without this source or the ritual will fail.
Sylvia: (Narrator): Burning down your house is a necessary risk.
4. After you have done this, when the clock is at 24:00 exactly not a minute off, seconds don’t matter, ring the bell, and then say “You are invited to dinner”.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Then, when nothing happens, reflect on how stupid you are for following these instructions.
Here is some back-story behind these numbers. 1:28 or 0.88: 0888 888 888 is said to be a jinxed or cursed phone number in Bulgaria after a string of high profile people with the number all died.
Mirror: (Narrator): In case you were wondering, they had the numbers tattooed right beneath their left nipples.
2:31 or 1:91: 191 is a number that is specifically considered Unlucky in U.S. aviation. Five separate flights with the flight number 191 have all crashed with different degrees of notoriety. Most airlines retire flight numbers because of crashed planes, which is why to this day, there are no Delta or American Airlines flights numbered 191.
Sylvia: (Narrator): Southwest and Jetblue, however, have 191 flights because they don't care about the safety of their passengers.
3:00: although the number three is rarely feared, in Vietnam and Japan some people believe that if a photo is taken with three people, it is likely that the middle person will die.
Dorkpool: Only child family portraits must be a pain to take.
4:00: The Chinese word for four sounds extremely close to the Chinese word for death.
Mirror: (Narrator): Death, or potato. One of those.
Also, some believe the number 40 signifies death, such as the fact that the Flood of Noah lasted 40 Days. 4:30 or 3:90: In Afghanistan the number 39 translates into morda-gow, which literally means 'dead cow',
Sylvia: GASP! Not the cows!
Also the room number 43 is avoided in hospitals in Japan, especially in the maternity and newborn care Wards because when pronounced aloud it can sound like “still birth”.
Mirror: (Narrator): Still birth, or bird memes.
7:00: seven is most known to be considered a lucky number by most people but the Vietnamese believe ‘7’ could be an unlucky number after a series of plane crashes featuring the number. 9:00: The Japanese Word for nine sounds similar to the Japanese word for torture.
Mirror: (Narrator): Torture, or –
Dorkpool: I think you’ve beaten that joke to death.
7:06 or 6:66: In the Bible's apocalyptic Book of Revelation, John the Apostle refer to 666 as "the number of the Beast." This "Beast" is often interpreted as being the Antichrist—and thus the number is a sign of the devil.
Sylvia: No! Really! I had no idea.
13:00: The number 13 is widely considered unlucky in most western cultures.
Dorkpool: This is all so very shocking.
17:00: Feared by Italians because when you rearrange the Roman numeral for 17 (XVII) it can create the word "VIXI"—translated from Latin to mean "my life is over."
Mirror: Actually, it means, “Enough.” As in, “ENOUGH OF YOUR NUMBER BULLSHIT.”
2:60: The number 26 is considered very unlucky in India because the number eight is considered the Harbinger of Destruction, and what do two and six add Up to,
and because an earthquake, a tsunami, and several different terrorist attacks all Happened on the 26th day of a different month within a 15 year span.
If a demon(s) or monster(s) does not come to eat you then consider yourself lucky and blessed; however, if one does come you better Find Something to appease “It” or Them.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): And no, Donald Trump is not a worthy sacrifice. Unfortunately.
Good luck, hopefully you’re not the one who becomes Dinner.
Mirror: (Narrator): Because, honestly, you’d taste awful.
Dorkpool: This story sucks.
Mirror: It feels like one big “Illuminati confirmed” joke at first. And even after it’s done throwing around random numbers, it still doesn’t make any sense. The explanations seem very forced, like the story is trying to find every way to make numbers scary. Yeah, it kind of fails at that. The ritual itself seems kind of idiot too. Why would you even want to do this? If you ask me, ritual pastas should have an end result of something you’d want to do. But why would you want to do this? Never explained.
Sylvia: There are a few good things. The story has somewhat decent spelling and grammar. It’s also not very long, so it isn’t a drag to get through. That’s really it though.
Dorkpool: Like I said, and these two just proved, this story sucks. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was it good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we would live by the motto VIXI (for however long we do live)? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
On a boat, not far from the S.S. JeffxOC, there’s a small ship. It’s not large enough to be too noticeable. Which is exactly what the sole passenger of the ship wants.
She watches the larger vessel with high-powered binoculars. Behind her, on the floor of the small ship, lie multiple different kinds of weapons. Guns, knives, rocket launchers. The kinds of things one has on them when trying to take down a superior foe and/or a small island nation.
From behind the binoculars, the watcher grins.
This was going to be fun.