Mirror: It’s a bird!
Dorkpool: Just play along.
Sylvia: Ok then. It’s a plane.
Dorkpool: It’s a crappy Superman Creepypasta story!
Sylvia: Oh joy.
Mirror: Can’t be worse than Batman v. Superman.
Sylvia: What’s it called?
Dorkpool: “Hopeless Superman.”
Mirror: So the Superman from Batman v. Superman?
Dorkpool: Save your DC movie universe digs. We’ve got a story to Riff. Speaking of which, let’s take an action figure out of the box and Riff this bitch!
Spending my time in the usual thing i had done for the past few weeks,reading superman comics for me was the best.
Dorkpool: Did the writer just have a stroke or something?
Sylvia: Certainly a unique way to start a story.
I would not miss anything that had superman on it due to the fact i was a big fan of superman.As time went on black friday sales came faster then the speed of light
Mirror: Don’t you mean “faster than a speeding bullet”?
in which my mom loved to spend money on to buy my family things. As my mother was looking for anything useful on sale i wandered of to see if i would find anything interesting for my own. As i grabbed a couple of games i could not help but notice that there was a sale going on of batman and superman action figures that were in a pretty big size.
Sylvia: (Narrator): It looked like Superman had “neck snapping action” and when you got Superman and Batman close to each other they screamed “MAAAAARTHA!” Cool!
At that moment my superman fan side told me to get one of those figures.It was useless since by the time i got to the stand no superman figures was left for me to take.
Dorkpool: See, now this goes beyond suspension of disbelief. No way in hell would Superman figures fly off the shelves before Batman figures.
Upset of that i went on to find my mother and family to buy my games and go back home. I would not believe my eyes since as i approached my family my mom was holding in her hands one of superman's action figure as she smiled to me. I was so happy i got to take one of those superman's action figure back home.
Mirror: No one asks if the figure’s happy though.
Later on that night my dad left as usual to go to work and my mother was fallen asleep on her bedroom.i headed to my room and Before i got a chance to open my superman action figure my little brother stepped in and started saying things of how he loved superman.
Sylvia: (Narrator): Ugh. Fake fans, am I right?
After a while of trying to ignore my brother he then left my room with a sad expression, i usually don't get along with my brother due to many fights we had gotten into.nevertheless i opened my superman i had placed him in top of my shelf as decoration for my room.
Dorkpool: Wait, you took the action figure out of the box? The fuck is wrong with you, dude? Don’t you know that you keep the figure in the box and admire it while realizing that you life is devoted to fictional characters and you’ll never find love without it leaving you?
Mirror: Are you ok?
Dorkpool: (sobbing): I’m fine.
I could of never felt much pride in what I've done with my superman collection. As i was getting sleepy in my dark room i had heard something. It sounded like whispers coming from the black corner across my room. It sounded like someone was saying "it's hopeless"
Mirror: Hey, that’s a good description for the DC movie universe.
that whisper shocked me so i rapidly ran to my door and turned on the lights. The corner lid up and nothing was there...just my electronics and my superman figure. I felt scared afterwards so i decided to leave the lights on.
The next day after breakfast my brother then again was trying to give me a lecture of superman. As if i didn't knew already.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): He keeps telling me Man of Steel was the best Superman movie when everyone knows that Superman IV was the best.
I again ignored my brother's speech of superman. But this time my brother stopped talking and was staring at the superman action figure.
Sylvia: (Narrator): Which was alright, until he started breathing heavily and touching himself.
After a minute i realized what was going on so then i told my brother. " if i let you use my superman action figure would you please leave me alone?he nodded. So i in a hurry gave my action figure to my little brother as he exited my room. I had never felt such ease knowing that my brother would leave me alone for one day. I had not come out of my room after that day.as i was going to sleep i heard the same whisper..."it's hopeless"...
Mirror: (Narrator): …which was a mean thing to say about my love life.
i was shocked and scared..i opened the door and light up my room...i looked at the corner where the sound came from but nothing was there...the noise had come from outside my room. I was determined to search where that noise came from.As i was walking around the house the whispers sounded louder as i approached my brothers room and as walked closer to the door i hear a scream from it.my mom and dad woke up and ran to my brothers room where i was trying to open the door..my heart had never pumped so hard as me and my dad tried to open the door.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Turns out we were pushing on a door that said ‘pull’. Boy were our faces red!
Then we heard a voice saying "it's hopeless."i had enough of those sounds saying the same thing so i told my that to move and i threw myself at the door. As the door fell with me my mom and that entered the room shocked and scared looking at my brothers bed.
Sylvia: (Mother): Oh my god what are you doing to that Superman figure?!
As i was lifting myself up from the ground the wall behind us had carvings in blood saying.."life is hopeless".
Sylvia: Hey, that was my high school’s motto!
Mirror: It was?
Sylvia: Yeah. “Life is hopeless, you’ll never be able to pay off your student loans, now learn about the Pythagorean Theorem.”
Mirror: Every time you mention your past I get more and more worried about you.
I was in panic as my mother and father were standing motionless in shock. I stood up and looked at the direction my parents were watching.My dear lord...it was my brother....his eyes...i could have never imagined such horror..his eyes were cut out with the knife that he had in his hands...and to add that up...my superman figure was there...his eyes were gone as well...filled with blood.
Dorkpool: Who needs X-ray vision when you have BLOOD VISION?
.his chest...was all covered in blood as well...it was horror as i heard the last whisper saying.."your love is hopeless" after a brief moment the police had arrived to investigate the scene...i could not believe it...my brother gone...why would he do this...did i do something wrong?....i will never forget his face..filled with blood..along with the words.."your love is hopeless"...
Mirror: (Narrator): Seriously, why do they keep talking about my love life like that?
Dorkpool: -nudges Mirror-
Mirror: What the - ? You want me to start? Ok, er, this story is just lame.
Dorkpool: I’ve Riffed a couple of Superman stories over the years (“Lost Superman Episode” and “Superman: No More Heroes”) and those two are actually much better than this one. Not just because they have better spelling and grammar, mind you, but because the fact that it’s about Superman actually contributes to the story in some way. “Lost Superman Episode” is about the old Fleischer Superman cartoons from the ‘40s, and how there was apparently a plan to create a cartoon to act as anti-Communist propaganda. The cartoon’s story was described, and Superman’s powers and basic canon were necessary to the plot of the cartoon. “Superman: No More Heroes” is about a Superman comic that shows Superman saying how everything is awful, nothing matters, and no one gets to be happy. The fact that it’s Superman matters because Superman is known for being an upbeat character who fights for Truth, Justice, and the American Way™. Him saying how everything sucks and how everyone should die or whatever is out of character for Superman, which is the point of the story. In this story though, the fact that it’s about Superman doesn’t matter. You could replace every mention of the word Superman in the story with Spider-Man, Green Lantern, Deadpool, or, hell, even Squirrel Girl, and nothing would change. There was no point in making this about a Superman toy. Those other two stories I mentioned aren’t good either, but at least they used the fact that their story was about Superman to add to the plot. Of course, this story has other problems than Superman being unnecessarily shoved in. The spelling and grammar are atrocious, making it hard to understand what’s going on at some points. The characters are undeveloped, and the plot itself is dumb and a bit cliché. What the Superman figure was is never explained, and, at best, it feels like a half-hearted ripoff of a haunted doll story.
Sylvia: There are good points to it. It’s not too long of a story, and one could enjoy it in a “so bad it’s good” way if they want. There’s nothing all that offensive about it either. It’s just a dumb, poorly written story.
Mirror: But that’s what we think. What do you guys – yeah, nope, sorry, can’t do this. It feels weird.
Dorkpool: It’s only fair that you do this part, since I took your negative rant part.
Sylvia: Yeah, why’d you do that again?
Dorkpool: I needed to rant about old stories I Riffed and Superman.
Dorkpool: No, I’m a dork. It’s in the name.
Mirror: Listen, dork, just finish this off. It feels weird if I do it.
Dorkpool: Ooookay then. So, what do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you think these Riffs are hopeless? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.