Fleet Commander Skrein watched as the Cheese Doodle made a crash – or should it be splash? – landing on this alternate earth. He would’ve taken more pleasure in its destruction, but the fact was there were two innocent (somewhat innocent) people on that ship, both of whom may be dead.
Yes, Skrein had killed, but only when necessary and only those that had to die for the good of his home. If people didn’t need to die, he didn’t kill them.
Skrein’s second in command, Captain Kren, was stood next to him. Kren grinned.
“Looks like we’ve just saved the Empire, and got rid of some of that traitorous asshat’s buddies too,” he said.
Skrein said nothing. Merely watched. Not because he had nothing to say; he did, he just didn’t want to talk to Kren. Something about the man revolted him. He seemed to revel in death and chaos, something Skrein found more than a little off-putting. Why the Sovereign picked him to be Skrein’s second in command confused him.
“Sir,” an officer said. “The downed ship is sending out a transmission!”
“Where?” Skrein asked.
“To some seafaring vessel. It’s called…the JeffxOC.” The officer reported, sounding somewhat disbelieving.
“I see,” Skrein responded.
“Should we attack?”
Before Skrein could answer, Kren piped up.
“Not yet. Before we got here, I did a bit of research on this universe. And, if this vessel houses who I think it does, I know someone who could take that ship out along with any survivors of the Cheese Doodle.”
Skrein faced Kren.
“Who?” Skrein asked.
Kren grinned, and answered.
Dorkpool: Do you guys believe in ghosts?
Sylvia: Not really.
Mirror: With the shit we’ve been through, I wouldn’t be surprised if they exist. Why?
Dorkpool: Well, the story we’re Riffing, “Burned Face Joshua,” revolves around a ghost.
Dorkpool: It’s from the Creepypasta Land Wiki.
Mirror: Oh, so it’s so bad it’s scary.
Dorkpool: Perhaps. Let’s go inside a burned house and Riff this bitch to find out.
"Oh come on! You're not afraid of ghost do you!" ,
Dorkpool: -in the tune of the Ghostbusters theme- I didn’t afraid of no ghost.
"No? why i should be afraid of ghosts?", said two teen boys of 14 and 15 year old Joshua and Carter. The two boys decide to visit the place of an old burned farm,because carter was thinking it was fun to make a scary ghost story before halloween, but Joshua was so scare
Mirror: So scare. Very spook. Much fear. Wow.
of ghosts because he hated when he was watching horror movie with ghost who kill people. So the two boys was challenging each other...because they wanted to know who will go in the farm first...so Joshua said he will stay in the farm all of the night. "Because if you're a pussy",
Sylvia: If you’re a pussy…what? What if he is a pussy?
"I am not a pussy". "You know what! That boy have the same name has you!", "I don't believe you", so Carter tell the story of the old burned farm.
Story of Burned Face Joshua
Dorkpool: It’s a story, all about how Josh got burned, and crispy, inside out.
In the year of 1834 in Monroe,Georgia, was living an teenage half african american caucasian slave named Joshua, he living with his two parents and a older brother named Nathaniel 17 year old. Joshua was 14 year old and living a happy life with his family,
Mirror: Yes, he’s Joshua the happy slave. What is this, Song of the South?
he was working for the Davis family this family was not really good with their slave, they same treated them really bad and slached them
Sylvia: Oh no, not slaching! Wait, what’s slaching?
when they are too slow, Joshua was fear by these people who was his owners, but find comfort with his family at their home. One day a child named Sarah went missing, so the police tries to find the young girl, they said she might be runaway or kidnapped when she was at the market.
Dorkpool: I guess she ran away because she was worried she’d be slached too.
The parents know they told their slaves to go to the market with their child , and do not lost them to keep a eye on them. But the little girl was out of one of the slave sight, when the police found the girl dead bodie in the river they see she was burned, so the people became suspicious about Joshua father.
Mirror: Because…why, exactly?
Sylvia: Because back then white folks in Georgia were more racist than they are now.
The father of Joshua was now accused for raped , and mudered the young girl, a mob of angry white people included their owners go to Joshua family house.
Sylvia: Yes, the House of Family Joshua.
Dorkpool: Is that a Skyrim of Game of Thrones joke?
Sylvia: Take your pick.
After see what going on Joshua and his family was scared, when the people break into the house Joshua see his parents be killed, when he wanted to protect his oloder brother someone grabbed him and burning his face with a torch. Joshua see his brother be killed by the mob, Joshua was killed after his entire family died, and the mob decide to burn the house with the copse inside.
Dorkpool: Wow, white people are assholes. Then again, that’s probably how they make up for their lack of dancing skills.
Sylvia: Aren’t you white?
Dorkpool: Exactly my point.
"What! Are you kidding me!", "No! I am not", Joshua look at the old house with fear and Carter continue by telling him. "Some people said they smell burning flesh", "What the fuck! Man!", the two boys continue to talk, but Carter enjoy the moment to see his friend be scared. "I know you was a pussy!", "I am not! I will prove it!", Joshua decide to go in the house.
Mirror: When he dies, I hope his grave says, “Here lies Joshua. He wasn’t a pussy.”
When Joshua was walking in the burned house, fear was writed on his face he see broken widows smelly horrible bed, he can't believe a family was living there long time ago. When he smell something else like fire and burning flesh, The young boy was now scared almost to crap his pants,
Sylvia: And that concludes the comedy portion of this story.
because someone else was with him in the house, when Joshua turn around he see a boy with a burned face grabbing him with ferocity that make the young boy scream.
"What the fuck?", Carter heard the scream of his friend, he decide to go inside the house. "Joshua are you there?", no answer Carter now worried for his friend and looking for him, "Joshua! please stop hiding !".
Dorkpool: (Joshua): Ha! Got you, asshole!
Carter jump after hear the floor crackle under his footsteps, he see a old table now burned with assetand cups.
Mirror: What in the hell are assetand cups? No, seriously. Is it a typo? Is it a thing I’ve never heard of?
Dorkpool: Knowing this story, it’s probably a typo.
The young boy still called his friend that still no answer, Carter suddenly stop because he heard something, but he also smell scent of burning flesh.
Sylvia: With a hint of jasmine.
"Is anyone there?", said Carter now scared for real,
suddenly he grabbed and pushed into the wall and knock out. When he open his eyes, he see with horror the burned bodie of his friend and the an tall boy with half burned face approaching him, "No no no! Please! NO!",
Mirror: (Carter): No, not the bees!
it was his last scream.
The two boys went missing during the 21th day of October, witnesses said they see two boys go to the old burned farm, when the police go there they found nothing from the boys.
Sylvia: The police weren’t very observant.
When they enter the house all they smell was scent of burning flesh and ashes, without knowing someone else was watching and go to prepare his revenge on his next victims.
Dorkpool: Revenge? Why revenge? Who is this burned dude getting revenge on? He just killed two random kids. They did nothing to him. You, dear writer, need to learn what ‘revenge’ means. I’ll be kind enough to educate you: it’s a dish best served cold.
Sylvia: I don’t think that’s what that means.
Dorkpool: Do I need to quote more Wrath of Khan?
Dorkpool: This story sucks.
Mirror: The spelling and grammar are terrible, the characters are underdeveloped, and it feels really cliché. I’m pretty sure I’ve read a better version of this story somewhere. Also, slavery, for the most part, is a subject that should really be treated carefully. Yeah, it wasn’t exactly done so here. Remember, at first, Joshua was a slave living a “happy life with his family.” Sure, that changed, but it was just a really awkward thing to include. And, honestly, the whole slavery/race aspect didn’t even need to be included. Anything else could’ve been included there, and it would’ve worked. However, in terms of working well, not much of this story does.
Sylvia: On the other hand, the story isn’t exactly very long, so it isn’t a drag to get through. And the actual story does have a picture with it that looks pretty good. Plus, the idea itself could’ve worked if done right. That’s really it though.
Dorkpool: But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d be killed by some angry ghost? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
On board a small boat, the observer of the JeffxOC decided it was time to stop waiting, and attack. She brought up a rocket launcher, aimed it, and fired.
On board the JeffxOC, the ship shook with the force of the impact.
On the bridge, Jeff the Killer asked the obvious question:
“What the fuck just happened?”
Jana, another person who was given the “Jeff Formula,” responded with, “The ship was just hit with some sort of explosive.”
Behind them, Dorkpool, Mirror, and Sylvia came through the doorway.
“What in the fucking hell just happened?” Dorkpool asked.
“Explosion,” Jeff said.
“From?” Mirror asked.
A sharp object suddenly impacted the wall, going partway though it.
“The hell?” Dorkpool asked.
“Pretty sure that’s a knife. Believe me, I’d know,” Jeff clarified.
“I couldn’t tell.”
There was an impact on the wall, creating a visible dent.
Dorkpool and Mirror each took out a phaser, and Jeff took out a knife.
Another impact, both stronger and larger.
Jana was getting a weapon and Sylvia was wishing she had a weapon.
A fist ripped through the metal wall. Two hands grasped the sides of the hole, and increased the size of the hole.
“Don’t you have a whole bunch of killers on this ship?” Sylvia asked Jeff as the person stepped through the hole.
Before Jeff could respond, the intruder laughed.
“He did, but I got rid of a lot of them. It makes for some good practice.” The intruder said.
“You seem familiar…” Dorkpool said to the intruder.
The intruder wore a black and armored jumpsuit, with multiple sheaths for knives on it. But that wasn’t what seemed so familiar to Dorkpool. They were interesting things to note, but what Dorkpool immediately noticed was her – and the intruder was indeed a her – face.
It was a pale white, with big, black feminine eyes and lips. And her lips didn’t move when she spoke, almost like she wore a mask.
“Jane…” Jeff whispered.
Dorkpool looked from Jeff to Jane and then to his two friends.
“Great, now she’s a thing. She’s a thing, Slender Man’s a thing, and Jeff’s a thing. Just bring in Eyeless Jack and the Rake and we’ve got ourselves a neato party.”
Jane ignored him, instead taking out a knife and flinging it at Jeff. Jeff ducked.
“Sylvia, go.” Mirror said.
Sylvia would’ve argued, but due to her negligible combat experience and lack of a weapon, she decided to escape.
Jane paid her no attention. She was mainly focused on Jeff.
Jana tried to attack her by leaping at the intruder. Jane caught her by the neck, and stabbed her multiple times. Jane tossed aside the corpse like she was a piece of trash.
“Ah, Jeff, I’ve been waiting for this.” Jane said. Jeff ran over to Jana’s corpse, and took her pulse and knife.
“She’s dead. How?” Jeff asked.
Jane pointed at her knife. “The metal this little thing is made of. It can kill me, you, and…”
Jane turned to the Dorkpools. “…them.”
The two Dorkpools, realizing things were going real south real quick, started firing at her with their weapons.
The blasts did nothing.
Jane just laughed.
“Since I’m explaining my weapons and such, I might as well add that this armor is resistant to most weapons, including those toys.”
“Hey! They’re collectibles!” Dorkpool said.
Jane walked over to them.
“I wanted to kill Jeff first, but the guy who hired me wanted you two dead. Business before pleasure, am I right?”
Jeff, crouching a bit behind her, was timing his attack.
That’s it, keep her distracted, he thought. His hands tightened around the knives he was holding, and he leaped.
Jane nonchalantly threw a knife behind her right into Jeff’s leg. He yelped, more in shock than pain, since the knife embedded itself into his robotic leg.
“I’ll save you for later,” Jane said to Jeff.
Jeff smiled a bit. She unwittingly gave Jeff the means to kill her.
Dorkpool and Mirror, meanwhile, had come to a conclusion: this nutbar might kill them. So, due to a lack of weaponry able to kill her, the two decided to run.
Jane had to make a decision: she could kill Jeff, who was presently immobilized, or she could kill her targets and then Jeff.
Jane looked at Jeff.
“Be a dear and stay here, alright?” she asked with faux kindness, and then walked away in pursuit of the Dorkpools.
Elsewhere, the duo was running around the halls of the ship, looking for some way to kill Jane. They were having little luck finding that, but they did find a lot of Jeff’s crew, most of whom looked either dead or injured. Unsurprisingly, the two weren’t comforted by the sight.
As they were running, they literally bumped into Sylvia.
“Ow!” Sylvia said.
“Sorry,” the two said in unison.
“Wait, what are you holding?” Dorkpool asked.
Sylvia looked down at the weapon in her hand.
“Oh? This. It’s a rocket launcher.”
“Where did you get a rocket launcher?” Mirror asked.
“On the ground. Jane must’ve left it behind.”
“Why is it loaded?” Mirror asked.
“Maybe it to make an explosive exit.” Dorkpool suggested.
Sylvia and Mirror just stared at him.
“Right, not the time for bad puns.”
“Hiya, boys!” A feminine voice said from a distance away.
“Yeah, you should totally use that rocket launcher right – ” Dorkpool started.
Before he finished, Sylvia fired.
Jane was knocked back about twenty feet, and the hallway she was in was decimated.
“Is she dead?” Sylvia asked hesitantly.
The feminine laughter and rising body responded to that in a negative fashion.
“That…hurt.” Jane said. “I’ll have to pay you back in kind.”
The killer walked closer to the trio, drawing a knife from a sheath on her costume.
“We should probably run,” Dorkpool suggested.
Jane got closer…and stopped.
“What – ” she asked, and looked down at the exposed blade protruding from her chest.
Jane fell over, revealing Jeff.
All was silent for a few seconds.
“Ok, so no badass one-liner?” Dorkpool asked.
“What?” Jeff asked.
“You know, a badass one-liner. Like, ‘Knife to see you,’ or something.”
“Fuck you,” Jeff said, limping towards the corpse.
“That’s not the one-liner I was talking about,” Dorkpool muttered.
Jeff took the knife out of her body.
“Sorry, but I just lost god knows how much of my friends and crew, and got some of my ship destroyed. I’m understaffed, and not quite prepared for another attack. Apologies if I’m not in a joking mood.”
Dorkpool thought for a second, then, under his mask, grinned.
“So, we need more help?”
“I might know some people.”