Mirror: Well, there’s so much bad Jeff the Killer stories, or Slender Man stories, or random stories that we just don’t really get a chance.
Dorkpool: Well, no more! For today we shall Riff a story called “A Laughing Jack Fanfic!”
Mirror: You know, “Laughing Jack” and “fanfic” are two things that, together, make me mildly afraid that whatever we’re going to read is erotic.
Dorkpool: Well, let’s find out if it is, and Riff this bitch!
in the 1950’s “laughing jack” wasn’t an evil clown that goes around killing children pointing the blame on the family.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): At the time, Laughing Jack was working with Senator Joseph McCarthy to try and find Communists.
laughing jack (real name jack miller)
Mirror: (Narrator): …was named when his father saw a bottle of Jack Daniels and Miller Lite and said, “I’m naming my kid after you.”
lived at home with his abusive father since his mother had died at the hands of the father.jack was born disfigured ,his long lanky arms were in disproportion to his body ,his fingers long and black and ended at a point, he had no palms just his arm than straight long fingers so, when he was born the doctors wrapped his hands in bandages and told his mother the keep bandages on his hand .
Dorkpool: 1950s medicine, everybody!
and His teeth ,they were normal at first but than they grew in to terribly sharp points.his worst disfigurement was his stomach he wore a cast and than bandages around it keeping his organs from spilling out.At the age of 15 laughing jacks father threw him out on the streets. one day a tall fat man in walks up to jack and offers him a deal
Mirror: (Fat Man): Are you a bad enough dude to save the president?
“hello boy my name is sam” the man said w/ a greedy look
“jack” jack replied
“i have a deal for you ,in a circus”
Dorkpool: (Fat Man): The elephants need a toothpick.
silence, as jack shook his head no . he didn’t wanna be in some freak show ,showing off how disfigured he was. the kids at his school had already done that…
“it pays a lot ,500$ per show. we have a deal son” the fat man grinned and lead out his hand
the mans grin turned to a frustrated look.
“you just have to sit in a chair and let the public look at you”
Mirror: (Fat Man): Try ignoring their looks of disgust.
this made jack think of the possibility. he wouldn’t have to live on the streets and and if he does at least two show, he’d be a 1000 dollars richer and then he could quit. jack shook his head yes to this deal.
weeks later jack was in a magazines “laughing jack the most color clown” stated in every magazine cause it was , ofcousre his slogan.
Dorkpool: Must be a slow news week if he's in magazines.
jack was in colorful clown clothing with rainbow colored make up.a few weeks hand gone past and jack was in a part of his job he hated. usually he had to walk around the amusement park and make people laugh but this part was terrible,
Mirror: (Narrator): …since he was a worse comedian than Adam Sandler.
he would have too sit in a small glass box that was painted like a jack-in-the-box. it was suppost to make everyone curious and they would turn the handle and the music pop goes the weasel would play and right before the climax was reached the box would open and jack would have to jump out but on that day no opened the box, a few days pasted and jack was still in the box he couldn’t breath and suffocated.
Dorkpool: The end.
no one had opened the box cause the amusement park wasn’t open. jacks co workers didn’t know where jack was either and his boss didn’t care to where he was.
Mirror: (Fat Man): You know, I have someone here who’s on magazine covers. Should I check to see if he’s alive? Nah!
about a year later a teenage had been passing through the amusement park and saw the box she cranked the handle the sound of the sound of the song pop goes the weasel sounded like if you played it one a piano you’d change it from all the keys in major to diminished and right before she got to the climax she saw a clown walking around.
Dorkpool: Pennywise, go home. You’re drunk.
a clowned dressed in black white and grey . the clown turned and looked at her
Both: (singing): Jack wants candy!
she ran off but the clown was to fast and it was too late for running…
Mirror: (Narrator): But it’s never too late for twerking.
Dorkpool: This story sucks.
Mirror: The spelling and grammar are pretty terrible. There’s very little characterization. Hell, the only with any character is Jack…sort of. He’s supposed to be some sad, bullied, abused kid who fights bullies and gets bleach and vodka on his face and – wait, wrong story, sorry. Anyway, a lot of what happens doesn’t make any sense. Jack ends up in magazines, which would make one assume that Jack is both popular and a cash cow. If so, then why didn’t the manager of the circus check to make sure he was still alive? I mean, if he dies, not only do you lose money, but you face an investigation from the cops. Also, why does that box have no airholes? Put them in the back or something, so that way your star/moneymaker doesn’t suffocate to death. And why does Laughing Jack become murderous? So he dies in a jack in the box because of morons, and comes back as a ghost. Fair enough. Why oh why does he go after kids, and not his boss, or people who go to circuses, or things like that. Wouldn’t that make more sense? Just saying.
Dorkpool: There are good things. This story’s short, so it’s not a drag to read. Also, the line about him not wanting to be in freak show and showing off how disfigured he was, since the kids at school did that for him, is actually pretty good. Seriously. It’s a subtle way to say he was bullied. Well, more subtle than we usually get on here. However, it’s still a bad story. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d suffocate in a giant jack in the box? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.