“Yes?” Dorkpool said.
“Any luck?” Mirror Dorkpool asked.
“If you mean in trying to get allies, not really. Alternate and 2099 Dorkpool aren’t responding, Linkara is busy (yes, I asked him), and I don’t think I can expect help from your universe. There is an upside though: I’m going to be doing a crossover soon.”
“So basically we’re going alone into a place that screws with sensors.”
“As of present, yeah.”
Mirror Dorkpool sighed. “Let’s just do the Riff.”
Dorkpool: I’m really starting to get tired of the Creepypasta Land Wiki.
Mirror: Because of all the crap on there, or because we use it a lot?
Dorkpool: Anyway, this story is called “The Reaper’s Rose.” It involves Slender Man and proxies.
Mirror: So it’s going to suck?
Dorkpool: Yep. So let’s do a William Shatner impression, and Riff this bitch.
My Name is... Kylie...
Dorkpool: (Kylie): I…like to…use…ellipses.
well to tell you the truth I was normal but I am now Not who I used to be
Mirror: (Kylie): Now I’m a man.
... I am with Them... You want to know how this all started
Dorkpool: Not especially, no.
... well it started back a couple months ago... Friday June 13, 2013
Mirror: Friday the 13th. Subtle.
I was at home watching some report of Some strange disappearances of Children,Teenagers, and Adults when the mail man dropped off some strange package at my door step... I took it in and saw that it was from my friend Sam who I haven't heard from in ages... SO
Dorkpool: RANDOM CAPITALIZATION TIME!
I Opened the package and inside contained "What Appeared to be a Black Rose Knowing that it might not be what I thought it was" and a strange Note
Mirror: I’ll say! It makes absolutely no sense.
... I couldn't tell what it said at first cause it almost felt like he was in a rush or something was not right with him when he wrote it... He didn't sound like his usual self more like in some panic... The Note stated: To My Dearest Friend Kylie, I Am A Goner
Dorkpool: Well, he isn’t one to beat around the bush.
... This All Started with That Fucking Rose... I Never Should of Touched it! I Beg of you... DESTROY THE ROSE!
Mirror: (Sam): Because I am somehow unable to do so on my own!
It will end this torment... Don't Touch The Rose... Its Just What They Want... Destroy It Or You Will Suffer the Same Fate! Sam Ok That Was Weird since it was an unusual predicament... I Mean What Could Possibly be Wrong with this rose
... Its seems like an ordinary Black Rose... So I ignored His Warning... and touched the Rose...
Mirror: (Kylie): …and I died.
The First Moment I Touched it It hit me Like Whiplash Images of the Victims Flew Across My Mind as I Visioned the nightmare... Then After I Saw... That!
Dorkpool: I think I know why there are so many ellipses.
Mirror: Do tell.
Dorkpool: She’s trying to do a William Shatner impression!
I Saw what appeared to be corpses of the victims I saw on the TV before I Brought the package in and what appeared to be strange people who apparently was in league with some strange tall suited faceless man...
Dorkpool: Slender Man, get out of here. You’re better than this.
so I Put The Rose Down then What I saw on the Wall in My Living Room made my blood run cold... It Stated "You Shouldn't Have touched that ROSE!" next to it was what looked like some weird page... with a picture of Trees & some tall figure...
Mirror: (Shatner impression): Spock.
What A Strange Warning So I Grabbed the page then I Saw the TV Flicker with the message... Run To The woods... I thought this was some sort of trick but I Swore now to find what really happened to my Friend...
Dorkpool: I guess she thinks she’s Captain Kirk.
so I Left the house and headed for the woods... But what I Didn't realize was that I was Being Watched... So I Continued and sure enough I Started to realize was this what My Friend Meant by Don't Touch the Rose... Did he Know this would happen?
Both: YES, YOU FUCKING MORON!
A I Kept Questioning the unusual... I Felt some weird feeling down my back... so I Turned on My Cell and Saw some Freakshow Hooded Creep Try to Molest me Only for him to disappear as the light hit his face... and in some weird tone... the thing that tried to rape me said this
Mirror: How does she know he was trying to rape her? She just says he pops up, and then that he tried molesting her.
Dorkpool: Don’t try and bring logic into this story.
... Hehehehe... You Can Run But You Can't Hide Forever... The Proxy of Death will get you... Kylie: I... Uh... Wh- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
Dorkpool: (Shatner impression): KHAAAAAAN!
SO I Continued through the Forest and saw a TV with a man... it was Sam but what the hell was he doing... appears to be drawing some weird drawings
Mirror: It was then Kylie realized that Sam was Rob Liefeld!
... I Watched it and apparently this is what happened... TV: It was night... and it was raining...
Dorkpool: So it was a dark and stormy night? Ah, I love how original this writer is.
Sam: Reaper's HERE! Secure all the house... Lock Up all Windows, Doors, and Underground passages...
Mirror: Because underground passages are a common thing.
Sam Heads throughout the house starts locking the doors... windows and sure enough prepares to lock the basement but He Sees what Appeared to Be A Teenage Boy who didn't look Mortal, Was wearing a Black & Red Hoodie, Had Tentacles like that tall faceless person
Dorkpool: It’s Hentai Man!
I Saw on The Page that was in My House... and was holding a scythe... Sam: I Need to Hide! NOW! Sam runs to the room he came from and then gets completely surrounded by That Man with the Scythe, A Girl with silver bladed fingernails of some-kind, and the Tall Faceless man.... Kylie... I'm sorry... NOO! NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Mirror: No. Ah. Don’t. Please live. Think of the children.
After the unexplained disappearence of Sam the camera goes to a wall in the room he was in and on the wall was these 3 names... Collin Farrior, Darkeyes,
Dorkpool: (Kylie): …and Deathblow.
And Slender Man... after that was shown for 5 seconds it went black.... I Got up and realized Sam could still be out there... so I knew where that place was it was right where the woods exited to a giant house... Now I made my way through an underground cellar when this Happened The Tall Faceless Man Popped up in front of me for few seconds
Mirror: (Slender Man): Hey, you got $20?
... and I continued running and entered a dark room... then as I Approached The Lights Suddenly Came On and on the wall was A Broken Beaten & Scared Body of Sam... Sam: Kylie... Kylie: Sam... WHat Happened?
Dorkpool: (Kylie): Why are some letters randomly capitalized when I talk? And why am I doing a William Shatner impression?
Sam: Its Too Late... He Will Have My Soul... Evil Laughter... Sam: You Mustn't Share The Fate I Have... You MUSTN'T SHARE THE FATE I HAVE! *Then Sam Dies*
Mirror: Let’s all have a moment of silence for the death of this very important character. Ok, moment over.
Kylie: That Reaper Asshole is going to pay... Which I knew this was the most stupid Idea Ever
Dorkpool: I bet that’s what people told the writer when she talked about the idea for this story.
... I Have to try and Kill Him even if it means Sacrificing my Life... So I Head into a room next to it and saw what appeared to be a Gun and ammunition... I took those and sure enough I was discovered by it... This Thing... That was the one who held a scythe... Collin: How very attemptive, but you didn't learn anything from that TAPE!
Mirror: She doesn’t strike me as one who learns much of anything ever.
SHIT I Didn't think of fighting him yet I was not prepared for this at all SO I Fired all of what I Have but with no avail... then something caught my eye a bandanna and a canister of Crimson Gasoline... the same gasoline that one of the victims used... and lived surprisingly... so I Put it on, put the hood up, poured on, ignited it... This is probably as far as I get to try and stop This Proxy... But Hell I'll Go Down Fighting
Both: JUST DIE ALREADY!
.... We Were both getting low on energy and strength He was now getting desperate... Collin was now blowing the place down to its knees... I landed one more hit. Collin: You Fight honorably... None of that matters... Just Like that Collin Vanished in a puff of Smoke
Dorkpool: He ran away with honor.
... After I Passed out... I was somehow teleported to another area... I Woke Up In A Cave... and now I knew I Had to try and put an end to this... So I Headed down the cave into the forest and this time it was different it was now on Fire and The Faceless man who presumably went by the Name of Slender Man
Mirror: (Kylie): …but actually went by Greg.
Was hot on my tail... I Ran as Fast as I Could to the Radio Tower... The Same one that Lauren went to to try and end his arrival... I Found the Tape where a Man that was Interrogated for the Same reaper-like being and then was attacked by him during that interrogation and saw the news reporter get the life sucked out of him through that thing's tentacles
Dorkpool: One of the many risks of being a reporter.
... And he put the hood on and then turned around and eyes glew Red and evil laughter and the tape ended here... Realizing That I Was being watched I Hear the Door Slam Open the fire that was behind be get put out... then I hear crazy laughter but not by him but By
Mirror: (Kylie): …the Joker.
Darkeyes and I Saw her charge at me and slashed at me... knocking me unconscious... I Woke up a few months later right around September 4th... and I Found Myself stuck in some basement
Dorkpool: Christian Grey is out of control.
... I Saw some strange note next to me with this message: Beware of The Reaper Rose, Or you'll suffer Fates beyond the Soul and Mind... Then It Made Sense...
Mirror: It did?
That Rose I Touched was not A Black Rose... It was a Reaper Rose... but what did it mean by suffer fates beyond the Soul & Mind... Then I Saw Darkeyes again and She Spoke: That Rose is Not of Man... its A Rose that Grows at Night in the overrealm... Kylie: I had no idea you could talk
Dorkpool: (Kylie): And I really wish you wouldn’t.
... but her eyes did creep me out since they were purple & red... Darkeyes: you didn't know our tounge... we speak the language you mortals speak... anyways... That Rose only us Proxies, Immortals, and Gods like the so called Zalgo... and My Boyfriend's Cousin could touch... Kylie: So why are you stalking me... Then Collin Shows Up grabbing me with the tentacles...
Mirror: Are we getting into NSFW territory?
Dorkpool: I really hope not.
Collin: You Touched the Rose and now you will suffer the fates of our power... Collin ended up making me faint... Not knowing that I would be tortured... the first it hit me I Didn't feel myself get raped or nothing... After they Drugged me with their dark influences... I awoke in my room not knowing what happened...
Mirror: (Kylie): …But…I knew…I had to keep doing…my Shatner impression.
but soon I realized my house wasn't what it was supposed to be... I awoke in a realm of Darkness... Then on my TV With something from a song... I Heard from a band that ended back in 2010 when the lead singer died of heart failure... knowing this song it was From Their Album October Rust... It was Called...
Dorkpool: (Shatner impression): “Rocket Man.”
Die With Me The Lyrics Over an Operator Symbol appear: "girl I want to die with you, in each others arms we'll drown in flame." Now I Knew I Could Never Escape... I Was The Proxy of Death's Toy For Eternity...
Mirror: That’s what you get for being a dumbass.
Dorkpool: You all know the drill.
Mirror: This story sucks. The spelling and grammar is bad, which makes it hard to understand, the characters are nearly indistinguishable from each other, the plot is stupid, and there are too many ellipses!
Dorkpool: The only good thing I can think of is that the constant ellipses allowed for some Shatner jokes. That’s it.
Mirror: That isn’t a good thing.
Dorkpool: Whatever. That’s what we think. What do you think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we were the proxy’s death toys? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
“Hey, I have a question,” Dorkpool asked his counterpart.
“Shoot.” He responded.
“How did you get to this universe?”
“Some device that only brings one person at a time.”
“Why not use that device to bring more people, and we just buy ships?”
“That’s…actually a good idea that never actually occurred to me.”
“Then let’s get to it,” Dorkpool said, feeling confident. Perhaps they weren’t all screwed.