Mirror: There seem to be a lot of those.
Dorkpool: Yeah. I’ve no idea why. But whatever. They give us plenty of Riffing material. Like today’s story, “My Name Is MCCP.” So, let’s get some chainsaws and Riff this bitch!
I am test subject MCCP.
Dorkpool: (MCCP): And no, it’s not an acronym for “Megan Cutter Cries Ponies.”
Mirror: How about "My Crotch Can Plow?"
Dorkpool: (MCCP): No.
Mirror: "Mentally Challenged Canadian Prancer?"
Dorkpool: (MCCP): Please stop.
I used to be an ordinary teenage girl. I started having weird dreams, they made me insane. So insane, that I killed someone.
I have short brown hair, with a purple streak. I have bright blue eyes and a sprinkle of freckles on my face. I’m kinda tall for my age. My hobbies include gaming, creating music, and of coarse ….killing people.
Mirror: This is a very weird dating profile…
The scientists and docters have tested me to find out what’s wrong with me, but, they didn’t find anything. They injected me with a liquid that was supposed to kill me, but, my body bonded with it. It turned me, into..a monster.
Dorkpool: (MCCP): And not just any monster, but a cookie monster.
Whenever I kill someone, my eyes turn a blood red colour, and I get stronger , and faster and smarter.
Mirror: Well, obvious you didn’t kill someone before writing this if your spelling and grammar are any indication.
One day, I escaped the test lab. I killed a lot of people to get out of that hell hole. The only thing of value to me was my chainsaw. It was black in colour and it had a white panda sticker on one side. It had silver blades and it would glow a pretty blue colour.
Dorkpool: New MCCP action figure with light-up chainsaw and Kung-Fu grip!
The police were after me. I ran and ran. They lost me in the woods. I walked for while. My blue converse shoes were all muddy, and my black skirt and white panda hoodie were all bloody. I need to clean up somewhere.
Mirror: (MCCP): I mean, I can’t have blood on my adorable panda hoodie. Then I’d be the answer to “What’s black and white and red all over?”
Suddenly, I was tackled to the ground.
(MCCP) ” WHAT THE FUCK”.
A boy wearing a white hoodie and black jeans held a knife against my throat. I looked at his pale white face.His eyes where black like the were burnt, and he had a smile carved into his face.
(Jeff the killer) Go to sleep.
I push him off me.
Dorkpool: An appropriate response.
(MCCP) Now why do I have to kill such a sweet little boy ?
He stabbs my leg, I don’t feel it, I am a monster after all.
Mirror: Since monsters feel absolutely no pain.
I push the chainsaw against his neck.
(MCCP) I’m not so innocent now.
Dorkpool: Says the person wearing an adorable panda hoodie.
Someone grabbs me from behind.
Slendy: Jeff, are you ok ?
Jeff: I’m fine slendy. She caught off guard.
Slendy: and who might you be.
Mirror: (MCCP): I’m the real Slim Shady.
MCCP: I’m, MCCP and I was born a killer.
Dorkpool: (MCCP): However, I’ve decided to become a farmer.
Dorkpool: This story sucks.
Mirror: The spelling and grammar aren’t very good, the plot is paper thin and kind of makes no sense (seriously, where did Slender Man and Jeff come from?), and the story itself feels more like a character profile than anything else. Actually, I feel like we’ve Riffed this one before, yet, after checking, we actually haven’t. Weird. Maybe it’s because it’s so par for the course when it comes to Jeff knockoffs.
Dorkpool: There are some good things. The character’s appearance was described pretty well, and the story is pretty short. Other than that, there’s not that much that’s good about it. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d be killed by a girl in panda hoodie? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.