Mirror: People like talking about crap.
Dorkpool: And people like the story.
Dorkpool: And people have decided to copy the story in their own special and sucky way. Like today’s story simply called “Derek.” So let’s make Tony Stark proud, and Riff this bitch!
There was once a boy named Derek Rell.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Until the operation, that is.
He was about seventeen years old and lived with his father, Jack Rell, they don't know what happened to his mother.
Mirror: She ran off before he was born.
However, Jack was not a good father, normally coming home drunk and angry and abusing Derek even when he was sober.
Dorkpool: (Jack): That’s what you get for being sober!
Mirror: (Derek): Please! I’m sorry!
Dorkpool: (Jack): No! You must be like Tony Stark!
Derek got on the bus to go to school. As the bus was pulling away, Jack walked out of the house stumbling with a bottle of booze in his hand. "Great" Derek thought to himself "he's drunk again".
Mirror: Don’t you just hate when that happens?
Jack stumbled to the bus and started screaming "Hey Derek?! Derek Rell?! What did you do with my ointment?!"
Mirror: Why does he call Derek by his last name?
Dorkpool: Who knows? I’m just wondering why he thinks Derek would have his ointment.
The kids laughed on the bus as as Derek crawled under his bus seat in shame. Jack then collapses as the bus pulls away.
Dorkpool: That probably isn’t the weirdest place Jack’s collapsed.
Derek was sulking on his bus seat as the other kid's laughing slowly died down. Franklin, a bully who hates Derek for stopping him from hurting a five year old.
Mirror: Oh, I can tell that we’re going to love Derek, mostly because all the other characters are unlikable.
"What's up Derek? Did your life just get worse?" He said. Derek didn't respond and Franklin slammed Derek's head against the bus window. "Answer me!" Franklin roared.
Dorkpool: What the hell? Did Franklin’s psychotic and angry personality just pop up?
"Yes" "Really? Well then, I just want to tell you something" "what?" "Meet me behind the school after class, so I can give you your daily beating".
Mirror: (Derek): With the cattle prod and the whip?
Dorkpool: (Franklin): Yep. Maybe if you’re good, I’ll put out a cigarette on your arm.
Derek sighed as he got off the bus and left for school. He had a bad day, with Franklin bullying him and just general bad luck.
Dorkpool: (Derek): I should never have broken those mirrors!
After school he went behind it and waited for Franklin to arrive. Franklin sneaked up behind him and shoved him to the ground.
Franklin got a rock and bashed it into Derek's head. Franklin pulled up Derek and punched him in the face. He then choked Derek and kicked him in the face until he was bleeding and walked away.
Mirror: I’d feel bad, but you were told where and when to go for this. You knew this would happen. It’s your own damn fault for going there.
Derek limped back five miles down home. His father met him there. "Why are you late!?!" Jack screamed. "I was beat up at school and missed the bus Jack!" replied Derek.
Dorkpool: (Jack): Are you sober?
Mirror: (Derek): Yes?
Dorkpool: (Jack): Then you get the belt!
Jack pulled out his belt and beat Derek and grounded him for the month.
Derek was kept up by Jack screaming and breaking things in a drunken stupor. When Derek finally fell asleep he only got an hour to sleep. Jack woke him up with a devilish grin. "Why are you smiling?" Derek said, still half asleep.
Dorkpool: (Jack): Because I’m drunk off my ass.
"You know what day it is" Jack said. "What day?"
Both: Hump daaaaay!
Derek said. "Beating day".
Mirror: Isn’t that kind of a normal day for him?
Derek gasped as Jack tackled him and hurt him for the whole morning. He then sent him to school.
When Derek arrived, he was bullied by Franklin. Soon it was lunch time. Derek pulled out the home lunch he had packed. He saw only food scraps inside and a picture with Jack grinning while eating his lunch.
Dorkpool: I love how Jack actually took the extra effort to take a picture of himself eating his son’s lunch. Just shows how much of an asshole he is.
Derek sighed and went behind a locker to sulk.
He went to class and got the report from his teacher that he is flunking the class and will need to go to summer school. And to make matters worse, Franklin was the only other person going to summer school.
Mirror: Hijinks ensue!
Once school was done, he went behind the school, waiting for his daily beating. Franklin walked up with a happy smile. "Hey buddy! I'm not going to beat you today, I'm just going to give you this tape!"
Dorkpool: (Franklin): It’s a sex tape!
Derek looked at the tape and said "but what if I don't" he said.
Both: What if he doesn’t what?
Franklin's happy smile turned to a frown. "Watch it or I will kill you". Derek saw there was no way around it, he had to watch it. He popped it into his t.v and started The video.
It showed Franklin, with Derek's girlfriend. "Hello Derek, here is my girlfriend" they made out. Derek shed a single tear and kept watching. Franklin grabbed a gun and shot his girlfriend dead.
Mirror: Well, now he can get Franklin sent to jail for murder.
The video ended.
Derek broke down crying. If one more thing happened to him, he would snap. Jack walked in, sober. "Hello Derek" Jack said "what do you want?" Derek replied. "Well there is something I've been meaning to tell you"
Dorkpool: (Jack): I’m pregnant!
Jack said in a ominous tone "You know how your mother is dead?" Derek was suspicious. Jack continued "Well I killed her. Why you may ask?
Mirror: (Derek): Actually, I was wondering why you’re telling me this. I can call the police and have you arrested.
Just to make you more and more miserable!" Jack manically laughed and walked away.
Dorkpool: No doubt twirling his moustache and adjusting his monocle.
Something inside Derek broke that day. Something snapped. He had lost all sense of love or remorse.
Mirror: (singing): What is love? Derek doesn’t know, oh no.
He could no longer comprehend the difference between good and evil, right or wrong, no limits; no boundaries. He decided he was going to get revenge.
Dorkpool: Good idea. Call the police, and say that Franklin killed your girlfriend and that your father is abusive and killed your mother.
He had brought Franklin home saying they were gonna fight.
Dorkpool: Or you can be a moron. Your choice.
Derek then strangled Franklin and tackled him and knocked him into their pool. He then repeatedly bashed Franklin's head against the pool floor until he was bleeding and then choked him. Soon, Franklin tried to breath, with water filling his body. He then finally and painfully died.
Mirror: Remember, kids: murder is always the answer.
Derek walked into the house, waiting for Jack to stumble in drunk and get his revenge. Derek picked up a kitchen knife from the kitchen and waited.
Jack stumbled inside drunk and with a bottle of vodka. Derek tackled Jack and stabbed him in the stomach.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): More accurately, he stabbed Jack in the liver. He didn’t do anything worse to it than what Jack already does.
Jack screamed in pain as Derek ripped his bottle out of his hand and smashed it into Jack's face. Jack is in massive pain and screaming in a mixture of pain, fear, and guilt. Derek stabbed him again and again and again and again.
Mirror: So is Jack supposed to be a stand-in for Julius Caesar?
Jack screamed in pain and looked up, his face covered in blood, at his once nice son, turned sociopathic nightmare. The once good boy was gone.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): He had taken a trip to Disney Land.
"Derek" Jack coughed up. "I'm so so sorry. I will never abuse you again! I'll be better if you just give me a chance! Just please spare me!" Derek didn't care.
Mirror: He loved it.
The time for apologies is over, Derek has been reduced to an insane man with no mercy. Derek stabbed Jack in both of his eyes and left him there to slowly bleed out.
Dorkpool: The true origin of Eyeless Jack.
A man had arrived at his new house next to Derek's. The man had went into his bed, planning to unpack in the morning. He then woke up to see a man at his door, wielding a knife.
Mirror: The Jehovah’s Witnesses have gotten homicidal.
Dorkpool: This story sucks. A lot.
Mirror: The spelling and grammar are awful, the characters are either unlikable or uninteresting, the plot is “Jeff the Killer” made stupider, and there are plot holes deep enough to fall into. Actually, I should talk a bit more about the characters: the side characters are made to be assholes and just cartoonishly terrible people just so that the main character can seem pitiable and understandable. Yeah, that’s not how to do it. You want to make the main character likable, and the side characters/douchebags understandable despite being douchebags. However, when a character says he committed murder just to make his son’s life more miserable, then it’s obvious you’ve failed.
Dorkpool: I once went to script writing class a while ago. The person teaching the class said something that still sticks with me: you don’t want everything to suck for the main character. You don’t want every event in their life to be horrible and crappy, or else it will just be laughable. This is a prime example of that. We see no good parts of Derek’s life, just a lot of crap. And it’s actually unintentionally funny. The piles of crap just heaped on this guy, and the bad guys who are so bad that they belong in a Saturday morning cartoon, are just funny as hell. Granted, this is a story with child abuse, so I shouldn’t be laughing, but the abuse itself is pretty underplayed; we’re told that Derek’s abused more than we see it. So I don’t feel that bad for laughing. This story is a good example of “so bad it’s good.” Yes, it’s poorly written and has characters that are basically living stereotypes. Yes, it’s incredibly stupid. But I honestly had a bit of fun reading it and laughing. So, either I’m finally starting to crack from reading so many bad Creepypasta stories, or it actually is funny. I’d like to think the latter is true. But all of this is what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish someone would kill someone just to make our lives miserable? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.