Dorkpool: So. Slender Man.
Mirror: Wait, Slender Man? I thought we were Riffing a Jeff-inspired story.
Dorkpool: Because necrophile cults are financially endowed.
Dorkpool: The point is, we’re not Riffing it. Yet. Instead, we’re Riffing a story called "The Slender Sphinx".
Mirror: Oh, fun.
Dorkpool: Yep. So, let’s murder through sodomy, and Riff this bitch!
Many Many Years ago,
Dorkpool: (Narrator): 1963
1345, The Devils Hodge, also known as "Halloween" debuted into our world. There were 7 Men, In goat Skin covered in blood, And Two Horns Decked Into the GoatHead.
Mirror: I never realized guys go so nuts after having a mid-life crisis.
They were ALL responsible for the "Festivities" to take place In this fascinating event. But, spectators would later find out, that all of the special things planned for this, was just a Grotesque, and Devious.....You know. Children, Killed by sodomization,
Dorkpool: I’m pretty sure that people can’t die through sodomy.
and Everyone else Murderedd, and impaled by these here Men.
Mirror: (Narrator): Them there men were goin’ ‘round and murderin’ folks.
But, many of the surviving spectators, would later recogniz this event as "The Nightmare On Elm Wood" and later known, as "Halloween" which Means The Devils Day Of reckoning, In German.
Dorkpool: No. No, it doesn’t.
The 7 men were never seen Again, not because of the very event that took place In Jurker, Germany.
Mirror: (Narrator): No, it was because the event took place on a Hollywood film set.
But someone, or SOMETHING took them away,
For expire talk Purposes so to speak. You may know him as The SlenderMan, A Huge And Terrifying Entity, that still exists In our world. But, The Men would know him by One named "Der Rotenghotfo" which means "The Big Demon" in German.
Mirror: Writer, you can’t speak German. Please don’t try.
It is unknown where IT has taken them, but I know only one thing, it was not a safe place. After the men were taken, The SlenderMan used a spell, To get them into a deep trance.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Soon, they experienced death by sodomization.
Which, Left them dazed, confused, and have a Urge to serve the SlenderMan, as if IT were their own flesh and blood.
In just a few short years, The Men were back to normal, but now belonged to The SlenderMans Hands.
Mirror: Tentacles, actually.
They were probably the first Proxies, Ever used by IT and they proved to be succsesful. 1360,
Dorkpool: The year Ulrich von Jungingen is born.
Dorkpool: The point is that that fact was historically accurate.
A Terrible Sickness struck all over Europe, including Germany and this was a clear advantage, for The SlenderMan and his Proxies. The Sickly people, were too helpless to stop Them from wreaking havoc on there lives, And destroying their Villages.
Mirror: (Narrator): The people who weren’t sick ended up kicking the Proxies’ asses.
One village, in particular, had a population of about 189, and every single one of them, died at the hands of these remorseless monsters.
But, Their was soon a slight bump on the radd for them,
Mirror: What the hell’s a radd?
Dorkpool: Maybe the author is trying to say that this story is rad.
Mirror: Please never make another pun ever again.
as they came across "Düsseldorf" a Commonwealth withaa population of about 230 Thousand People!
Dorkpool: By the Preservers’ pants, that…really didn’t warrant an exclamation point.
The people in Disseldorf were Intelligent, they were aware of the threat that was wreaking havoc across Germany, so they were prepared, and Formed a Militian Army, trained with the best KNOWLEDGE of fighting, and tactics.
Mirror: (Narrator): They were killed very quickly.
Once they saw the SlenderMan And his proxies Near theif village, They Ordered the Militian army to Attack...But nothing was there. Then, Out of nowhere,
Dorkpool: Shia LeBouf!
The slenderman and his Proxies Kidnapped athe villagers, And bOom! dead. (To Be Continued).
Dorkpool: Today, on "Things That Don’t Need A Sequel"…
Dorkpool: This story sucks.
Mirror: The spelling and grammar is absolutely horrid, which can make it hard to understand what’s going on. There’s not much of a plot, and absolutely no characterization. Also, the writer pretends to speak German, when he can’t. As a first part of a story, this doesn’t work. It doesn’t set up anything, doesn’t make you interested, and doesn’t make you want to read more. And should I even mention "death by sodomization"?
Dorkpool: No, but it is funny, and surprisingly a good thing about the story. That line is unintentionally funny. The rest of the story is not though. It’s short, thankfully. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d die by sodomization? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.