Sylvia: No, not really. Why?
Mirror: Well, this story is called “The Spanish Voice,” and I thought being bilingual might help us understand this story.
Sylvia: If it’s here, I doubt knowing any language will help us understand this.
Mirror: Good point. Anyway, let’s watch some anime and Riff this bitch!
I am studying in a very old university.
Mirror: (Narrator): And it cost my family literally everything we had for me to go.
It was built during the 15th century and some of it’s finest structures are still intact. I’ve heard a lot of ghost stories in every building of the university. Of course, as a Psychology major, I did not believe those mediocrity.
Sylvia: And I don’t believe someone so snobbish could incorrectly use “mediocrity” like that. Go figure.
I had always thought that those people’s senses are just playing a trick on them.
However, that belief changed. And I was never so wrong in my whole life.
Mirror: Wow! That’s so amazingly not cliché at all! Not even a little! Just completely new and innovative! It’s amazing!
Sylvia: Ok, I think we get it –
Mirror: Completely and totally new! I commend you, author, for such originality!
Sylvia: Seriously, we get the point –
Mirror: Just…wow! I’ve never seen something so creative and inventive! Such innovation! I can’t believe –
Sylvia: -smacks Mirror with a saxophone-
Sylvia: We get it! Let’s move on!
Mirror: …I deserved that, didn’t I?
Sylvia: Yes, you did.
It was already dusk around that time. Our professor decided to dismiss us earlier for he already finished the last topic for that term. He asked some of my classmates to remain in the classroom for he was going to hand them some notes. My friends decided to go in the mall to buy some presents for the upcoming party we’re going to attend but I had already bought mine so they asked me to accompany them. I told them to go without me for I was planning to watch the whole season of Blue Exorcist.
Sylvia: So he’s pretentious and watches anime. Huh. I’m sure there’s a weaboo joke here somewhere…
After our conversation, I walked out the room and head to the nearest restroom. I always have the habit to check myself on front of the mirror before leaving the building.
Mirror: Hi, um, main character? Yeah, this is a reader. Could you maybe please stop being such a self-obsessed pretentious prick? Thanks.
As I got in the restroom, I looked if there were other people in. I’m not particularly comfortable with people around while I’m checking myself out on front of the mirror.
Sylvia: (Narrator): Only I get to view the amazing sexiness that is me.
Satisfied to learn that I have the whole restroom for myself, I stood on front of the mirror and quiffed my hair.
Mirror: Why would you do that? No one’s gonna see your hair under that fedora.
That’s when it happened.
I was taken by surprise when someone suddenly started whispering. I couldn’t understand his words because his voice was so low and his accent was different. I used the reflection of the mirror to see if there was someone who came in before turning around to check. There was no one in there and it was quite odd for me during that time because the person was still whispering. What’s weirder is that he was whispering the same thing again and again.
Sylvia: (Whisper): Hail Hydra.
“Hello?” I called. Instead of responding for my call, the person continued speaking and this time it was louder. That’s when I realized he was speaking in Spanish. I still couldn’t comprehend what he was saying because I don’t speak the language.
Mirror: (Narrator): I only speak English and Japanese so I don’t have to see the dubbed version of anime, unlike those filthy commoners.
I checked each cubicle but there was no one there. I looked back and around and found no one. It had dawned to me that I am not the only person here and the other person is not human.
Sylvia: Damn cats, always pranking pricks.
Freaking out, I dashed out the restroom and ran back to the classroom. My professor and a couple of my classmates were still in there, and was confused with my sudden entrance. They also noticed that I looked as if I had seen a ghost. I quickly told them about the Spanish voice I heard in the restroom when I knew I was all alone.
Mirror: (Narrator): They all started talking slowly to me, and the professor started dialing a number. Then some people in white came in and took me away.
The professor asked what was the voice saying so I told him what I vaguely understood.
‘Son,” My professor said as he looked at me, his expression quite terrified. “The Spanish phrase, when translated in English, means
Sylvia: (Professor): “Holy mother fuck, it’s the ice cream.”
Mirror: Seriously? Are you fucking serious? I had to deal with this pretentious neckbeard, and all I get is a slightly changed “Don’t look behind you” ending? I…I…AAAAAAHHH! I FEEL LIKE KILLING SOMETHING!
Sylvia: Do I need to use the saxophone again?
Mirror: I feel less like killing something!
Mirror: This story sucks. And please, for the love of all that’s good and decent, let me do the cons of this story. I don’t think I can say anything nice about it.
Sylvia: Sure. Have fun.
Mirror: Thank you. The biggest problem stems from the main character. He’s really hard to like. He seems like one of those people who look and act like absolute shit, but pretend they’re better and more superior to everyone else, then gets upset when people call them out on their bullshit.
Sylvia: So a neckbeard.
Mirror: Yeah, pretty much. And, of course, you’d think such an uppity character would have good spelling and grammar, right? Well, you’re half right. His grammar is awkward and it seems like the author didn’t know what some words meant. So now the character’s even more terrible because he’s an idiot who thinks he’s smart but really isn’t. Listen, it’s fine to have an unlikable main character. The problem is when that character gets really irritating. And this main character really is. He acts all uppity, and then narcissistically goes and checks himself out. Dude, why? You literally said you were going to sit around watching anime. Why do you need to look fancy? Are you trying to turn on your anime body pillow or something? Jesus. And the worst part is that this character gets no comeuppance. The character doesn’t die, get hurt, or even all that scared. Well, maybe a little scared, but nothing to really cause any sort of change in the character. And the ghost aspect is very weak. The story is “Main character doesn’t believe in ghost. Main character hears weird noise. Main character finds out ghosts are real.” It’s been done to death, brought back as a ghost, and used as a ghostly specter to haunt people who are tired of this bullshit. And what’s even worse is that the ending is pretty much “Don’t look behind you.” Sure, it’s changed to affect the main character, but that’s what it is. If you’re doing that, then where’s the skeleton that pops out? And the hyper-realism? Seriously, just go crazy with the lazy clichés. But no, it’s just a few clichés. It doesn’t even have the decency to be enjoyably bad. Just very irritating.
Sylvia: There is a good thing or two. The spelling is pretty good, so good job using spell check, and the story isn’t all that long, so it’s not too much of a drag. But, really, other than that, the story sucks. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d “look up?” Leave your thoughts in the comments below.