Sylvia: Not really,
Mirror: Good! Because you’re not getting one. You’re getting a dream journal of sorts!
Sylvia: Then why bring up ghosts?
Mirror: You’ll see when we Riff, “Childhood…Ah!! Not That!”
Sylvia: That’s kind of a dumb name.
Mirror: Yes, yes it is. Anyway, let’s live near a graveyard and Riff this bitch!
I must inform you all that this is A TRUE STORY.
Mirror: And I must inform you that I think you’re full of shit.
During my childhood, I constantly had nightmares in our old apartment. This wasn’t erratic, it was CONSTANT.
Sylvia: Actually, it was CAPITALIZED.
Every night I had one. It wasn’t one always, sometimes I had five! Well anyway, let’s commence.
The first one was usually of my family, walking to a log cabin near a hill covered with dead grass, and to the right of the cabin there was a dead forest.
Mirror: (Narrator): And to the other side of the cabin was the Chainsaw Emporium. And behind the cabin was a summer camp with scantily clad girls.
By the time that we were at the cabin, I was going up the hill. Then, I was faced with giant balls of sticks that came rolling down. As if the forest itself was reaching for me.
Every time they squished me, I suddenly saw a thumb bending back and forth.
Sylvia: Thumbs! AAAAAHHH!
Then I woke up, unless I had the other two nightmares. Sometimes I got up to the top and found a dispenser-like machine and a guy there, but before I could do anything I was off to the next nightmare. This was the least scary one.
Mirror: Was it the one where you’re at your high school wearing nothing but your underwear?
The next nightmare started to show up when we were about to move. This was a time when I was outright scared of lawn mowers. I thought they were going to eat me up or something.
So the dream that I had was of me running down a sidewalk with a lawn mower chasing me. To you it might seem idiotic, but that scared the shit out of me.
Sylvia: It’s not idiotic, it’s funny as hell.
The next one was usual. It was of me in my parent’s room (Since I sleep there) but in front of the nightstand. All of the color seemed drained around me. I saw myself crunched up like a little ball. I don’t remember exactly what was going to happen, but I know it was going to be bad.
Mirror: I think I said the same thing about Fant4stic.
Now that I’m typing this I remember another detail: the view was warping and twisting. I believe this was the scariest.
These are all I remember, but I know there were others. They were, as all of these, scary as hell when I was a kid. Of course, I was like three years old so I can’t remember exactly why. After we moved to our new and current house, the nightmares seemed to vanish. The first night, I slept soundly.
Mirror: (Narrator): The second night, I slept silently.
Later, a few years back, I we were going somewhere when we passed by near our apartment. I was intrigued by my
discovery: there was a cemetery on the other side of the street! So, were these ghosts
haunting me in my sleep?
Sylvia: Nope! Because that’s fucking stupid.
If so, why? Perhaps we’ll never know…
Mirror: Well, I’m sure we would if you continued the story.
Sylvia: This is the end.
Mirror: Then we’ll probably never know.
Mirror: This story sucks.
Sylvia: It’s just a description of some toddler’s nightmares. I have no idea if those are supposed to be scary to the reader, but they really aren’t. And they don’t add much to the story either. Which sucks, because they’re the bulk of the story. It might’ve worked if the ending somehow utilized them, but it really didn’t. It just said that the narrator noticed that there was a graveyard near his old house. And he didn’t notice this while he lived there because…? Also, ghosts? Really? That’s your big spooky twist? It might’ve been ghosts? That’s just lazy. And then having the final line be “Perhaps we’ll never know…” is even lazier. Now, if this were the start to a story, and we didn’t have that final line, it might’ve worked. But this ending doesn’t. It’s just a cop-out. Now, let’s jump back to the beginning. Why did you feel the need to capitalize those two words? Why not italicize them? Also, word to the wise: starting your story out with “this is a true story” makes your story less believable. It always feels like it’s trying to be a cheap scare instead of a mark of authenticity.
Mirror: There are some good things. The story’s short, which is nice (though, to be honest, it could be shorter. “When I was young, I used to have nightmares. I moved to a new house, and no longer had them. While driving past my old house when I was older, I noticed a graveyard near my old house. Was it ghosts?”). The spelling and grammar, despite some flaws, aren’t awful. And, to be honest, if that final line was gone and the story actually went somewhere, it could’ve been good. Maybe actually have ghosts, and have the dreams connect to something. As is, it’s just a bland dream journal with an “OMG ghosts so spoopy” at the end. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d be chased by a lawnmower? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.