Mirror: I have never heard of it.
Dorkpool: It’s pretty much an online multiplayer game for kids. It was pretty fun to play.
Mirror: Have you played it recently?
Dorkpool: Nope. Just remembering it because the story we’re going to Riff, “Poptropica Bootleg,” is about that game. So, let’s restart our computers and Riff this bitch.
Poptropica is a really fun multiplayer game and I have been playing ever since late 2009.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Then I discovered The Old Republic and decided to play that instead.
However, my young cousin quit Poptropica (he was a member and completed every island) a few months back because it got boring to him. His mission was to see if there's a legal download for the old Poptropica. So I followed his requests.
Mirror: (Narrator): I’m kind of his bitch.
The following night I googled "old poptropica free download", but no results helped me. I sat there for a minute, confused, and went to bed. Somewhere around midnight, I couldn't sleep so good so I woke up and went to YouTube to watch funny videos and Dr. Phil prank calls.
Dorkpool: Clearly, you’re making good use of your time.
At 1 AM, someone left a message on my youTube channel. It was from a guy named j_nutter07.
"lOoK aT tHiS aWeSoMe GaMe i FoUnD LoL" (I'm not sending the download link. You might as well make the same mistake like I did)
Mirror: (Narrator): It’s totally not because it doesn’t exist or anything.
I clicked the MediaFire link, and went to my desktop. I saw a .exe file called "Poptropica2" and double-clicked it, ready to play.
I saw the old homepage from Poptropica's 2007-08 years. However, it only had a "NEW PLAYER" button. I decided to make my avatar a boy.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Couldn’t risk my avatar having girl cooties.
What sent a chill up my spine is that my Poptropican was faceless and had realistic blood all over his clothes. Not to mention, he used tentacles as arms.
Mirror: Great, someone sent him the Poptropica hentai game.
I heard faint whispers as if someone was behind me, and heard a furious man yell, "I WILL RIP YOUR MOTHERFUCKING HEART OUT!!!" at the top of his lungs. It never failed to make my ear hurt bad.
I clicked the blimp, ready to travel some island quests. However, the only quests on the map were: Early Poptropica, Shark Tooth, 24 Carrot, and Spy. I went to Spy Island, as it was my favorite quest to do.
Spy Island looked really different. Buildings were on fire and there were no signs of ambulances, police, or firefighters.
Dorkpool: Man of Steel Superman looks upon this, and thinks, “This was a job well done.”
My Poptropican started to make crying noises as he went by. NPCs were dead and they looked like zombies.
I saw a brutally mauled kitten on the road. She had one eye popped out of her socket and her body was starting to get infested by disgusting maggots. Ants and worms began to feast on her violently. Her skin was also dark green.
I went to the common room, The Hair Club, the only building that wasn't badly damaged. I saw Dr. Hare (which is actually Jordan Leary)
Mirror: Dude, tag your spoilers!
right there. I decided to challenge him into Sky Dive, but he didn't say a single word for 30 seconds. Finally, he answered.
"The sights of hell brings its players back in."
My chest rapidly pounded like a hummingbeard.
Dorkpool: Ah, yes, it pounded like the dread pirate Hummingbeard.
I tried to exit, but failed to do so.
I finally exit the room. I went in the blimp and head off to Early Poptropica.
Early Poptropica played very creepy music in reverse and the town itself was deserted. I couldn't see the museum, Soda Pop Shop, the water tower, or Poptropicans. However, the Arcade was there, so I entered.
I saw another creator, Black Widow.
Dorkpool: I don’t remember Scarlett Johansson being in Poptropica.
I wanted to play Balloons with her. But, just like Dr. Hare, she said something extremely dark.
"I will get you in 2 years."
Mirror: (Narrator): That’s kind of a long time.
Dorkpool: (Black Widow): I am not good with threats.
My Poptropican started to die slowly. He grew empty eye sockets and blood oozed out of them quickly. His tentacles were cut off brutally. His head exploded and brain pieces were flying. His stomach burst, too, and organs bust out.
My computer started to have a virus, so I had to restart it. After that was done, it was back to normal and the file was completely gone.
Dorkpool: What kind of virus is fixed with a simple restart? I mean, if viruses were like that, my life would’ve been so much easier.
I shivered in fear and watched TV for a bit. I felt tired and head for bed.
The next morning I woke up at 9:35 AM, and I contacted Poptropica about this. They replied
"How did you find out that? Listen, we are deeply sorry. We didn't mean to crush your dreams at all.
Mirror: (Narrator): Well, good, because you didn’t. You just mentally scarred me.
We would NEVER do something like that, EVER. That is an unofficial hack, and it is NOT a glitch. It doesn't belong to us at all.
We hope you didn't lose faith in us. We feel very sorry for you, so we wanted to surprise you with a gift...
Free membership for a month!
Just log in to your Poptropican, then, ta-da! There you go! Enjoy your 1-month membership, and have fun out there! With membership, you can have early access to brand new islands, unlimited access to the store, save up to 30 costumes in your closet, and much more.
Dorkpool: And suddenly we’re in a Poptropica ad.
Again, we didn't mean to spook you. We'll NEVER make something like that, because we are not creepy sickos.
Mirror: (Poptropica Team): Except Greg. He’s got issues.
And that's a promise.
The Poptropica Team"
I started to feel a bit better, and I logged onto my account. They were right - they gifted me free membership! I thanked them, and gladly went back to playing Poptropica.
Mirror: (Narrator): And I forgot all about my cousin.
Dorkpool: This story sucks.
Mirror: Well, this story is probably the first time a story we Riffed had a happy ending. Seriously, it didn’t end with the team explaining what happened or anything. They just gave the narrator a free month, and that was that. The narrator didn’t seem at all phased by his experiences. There wasn’t even a token, “I didn’t use it because what I saw disturbed me too deeply” or something. See, in most stories, by the end, the main character has, in some way, changed and/or grown due to the events of the story. This helps show the audience that the story does matter, and that we didn’t just waste our time, and it helps evolve the characters. Now, there are some stories that don’t follow that rule (“slice of life” stories, for example), but one like this really should’ve to some extent. Hell, almost all lost episode/game stories followed that rule. Usually, by the end of the story, the main character/narrator would say how messed up he/she have become because they witnessed the episode. Sure, that doesn’t make a lot of those stories good, but it does at least make you feel like something did happen (or at least tries). I should also note that the ending of this story also kills any sort of scare this story might’ve produced. Sure, something mildly disturbing happened, but it all ended well, so why be scared? I mean, if you come across this, what’s the worst that can happen? Compare this to “Squidward’s Suicide,” another lost something story, which, for all its many, many flaws at least tried to be scary and sort of succeeded (mainly because of that freaky picture of Squidward), since there wasn’t a happy ending. Actually, it was sort of open-ended. You don’t know how it got there, or who made it, but whoever did is probably still out there, killing more children. Sure, that ending raises a ton of questions, but at least it’s not a happy ending. I’m not saying that horror stories can’t or shouldn’t have happy endings, but in the case of this story, a happy ending was not a good thing. Also not good are the clichés in the story. It’s your average “untraceable game/episode” and “ultra-violence/blood and gore” stuff. Plus, there are unresolved plot points, like the narrator's cousin. What happened to him? I mean, the narrator looked up the game for him, but he’s never mentioned again. What was the point in having him? Wouldn’t it have been better if the narrator wanted to play the older version of Poptropica, found this version, realized how fucked up it was, and decided to just play the actual version instead? I mean, there would’ve at least been a character change. And, on a different note, the spelling has some errors and the grammar is kind of awkward.
Dorkpool: There are some good things. The story is short, which is nice, and you can tell that the writer does like Poptropica, which is also kind of nice. I mean, if you’re writing about it, the least you could do is give a damn about it. However, the story still isn’t very good. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we wouldn’t get one month free? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.