Mirror: Do tell.
Dorkpool: There’s another horror story based Wiki called the Creepypasta For Kids Wiki.
Mirror: And it’s funny because…?
Dorkpool: I took a little bit of a look there, and there are quite a few stories on there that are much better than anything original from the Creepypasta Land Wiki. And the Creepypasta Land Wiki is supposed to be for older folks who appreciate things like proper grammar and such. (Oh, by the way, if you want to read funny horror story, I recommend checking out “The Switch” on the Creepypasta For Kids Wiki. Seriously, it’s great)
Mirror: Well, it’s kind of ironic. Out of curiosity, are we Riffing anything from there?
Dorkpool: Not today. I just wanted to give our fanbase a place outside of the Creepypasta Wiki where they can find good horror stories. No, today we’re Riffing a story from the Creepypasta Land Wiki called “Popobawa.” So, let’s try not to get sodomized, and Riff this bitch!
On the Tanzanian island of Pemba, there lives something otherworldly called the Popobawa.
Dorkpool: Popbawa, huh?
Dorkpool: And I thought Liu was a stupid name…
It is a nocturnal creature that rapes it's victims when they are trying to sleep. It doesn't matter what it will rape, it will do it to either men, women, or children.
Mirror: (Narrator): Hell, it’ll rape a tree if it’s horny enough.
The Popobawa apparently tell it's victim while sodomizing them that they must confess what happened to them or else it will continue to rape them. One of the signs of the creature's presence is a sulfur-like smell.
Dorkpool: Nightcrawler needs to keep it in his pants.
It is a recent monster that appeared in the 1960s after the Zanzibar Island revolutions. No one knows where it came from, but there is a legend on the island that said that an Arab sheikh released a djinni to take vengeance on his neighbors for some type of wrongdoing. However, he could not control it and it became evil.
Mirror: This is why we don’t release evil demons from the ether.
Plus, Popobawa attacks appear during politcal occurences, but there is a report once in awhile of it attacking when there are no elections happening. The description of the creature is said to be be humanoid/bat-like and cyclopean with an erect penis,
Dorkpool: He’s happy to see you.
but it is also said to be a shapeshifter that can turn into an animal or human and this can basically turn into a moral panic where people have been accused of being the Popobawa and have been beaten, sometimes to death. During a Popobawa panic, people will have to camp outside around a fire in case no one wants to get sodomized by the evil creature.
Mirror: In case of not wanting to be sodomized, camp around a fire.
Dorkpool: I guess some people don’t want death by sodomization.
Since Zanzibar and Tanzania are mostly Islamic, the Popobawa can be repelled by holding and reciting the Qur'an like how demons in the Christian world can be warded off that way with the Bible, and a charm made out of a bundle of the pages of the Qur'an just like how demons and vampires in the Christian world are afraid of crucifixes.
Dorkpool: No, no, in the Christian world, vampires sparkle.
If you do visit that island, bring a Qur'an with you in case of a panic like this happens to occur and if you don't believe in the Popobawa, it will end up doing to you what it has been doing to the natives that don't believe in it
Mirror: (Narrator): Cleaning up their homes…
Dorkpool: Oh, that doesn’t sound so bad.
Mirror: (Narrator): …with its dick.
Dorkpool: This story sucks, but it’s kind of enjoyable.
Mirror: The monster’s name is stupid, what it does is stupid, and most everything about it is pretty stupid. Also, the spelling and grammar suck (“During a Popobawa panic, people will have to camp outside around a fire in case no one wants to get sodomized by the evil creature.” So do people in general want to be sodomized by it, but if some don’t, they camp around a fire?) and it does impact understanding of the story.
Dorkpool: Despite being stupid, it’s funny as hell to read. This story falls under the category of “so bad it’s good” in my opinion. And even if it didn’t, I’d still award it points for uniqueness. The name is unique (though undeniably stupid), what it does is unique (seriously, how often do you hear about a monster sodomizing its victims? And I mean actual monsters, not prison inmates), and its origin is unique (how many times have you heard of Christian monsters? And how many times have you heard of Islamic monsters? Exactly). While I won’t deny that this story sucks, it’s still enjoyable. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d be sodomized? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
It had been some time since the girl called White had started her quest. She wanted to kill the one called Eyeless Jack. Her quest wasn’t a solitary one; she had been joined by her friend and lover, Jeff. Granted, there are times when she remembers him going off on his own at some point, but she attributed that to stress. After all, he’s still with her. He doesn’t talk much or do much, but he’s still with her.
The two of them, through multiple murders and leads, eventually found the eyeless bastard, and confronted him. He looked…different than how she remembered. His face, rather than being blue, was bone-white, and he didn’t wear a hoodie. Rather, he wore armor. However, there was one thing that showed who he was: his lack of eyes. That’s Jack, alright.
White charged, knife in her hand, hate in her eyes. She stabbed the eyeless one in the stomach…and watched as her knife broke. This caused her to pause for a second, and it was second too long as Jack grabbed her by the throat.
“That wasn’t very nice,” he said, starting to squeeze. White looked at Jeff, who was just…standing there, not doing a thing.
“Jeff…help…” she gasped.
Jack heard her, and turned his head in the same direction as White…and started laughing.
White was momentarily confused. Her confusion faded along with her vision and consciousness.