Mirror: In case you’re wondering, the trend is continuing.
Dorkpool: Yep, with a story called “Max the Killer.” This is a story that has a note at the beginning saying that it’s terrible (it’s from someone who tried rewriting the story. We’re not including the rewrite, since it’s funnier to make jokes about the worse one).
Mirror: Just kill me now.
Dorkpool: If only you were so lucky. Anyway, let’s put “White the Killer” to shame and Riff this bitch!
This Story contains some gory scenes with Strong Languge and some Sexual Jokes and Rape
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Viewer discretion is advised.
Mirror: For what?
Dorkpool: Shea Rose…Shia LeBouf. Shea. Shia. By the Preservers’ pants, the writer of this story is Shia LeBouf!
When it has Italic writing that is Speech or sometime it will ___
Mirror: Because quotation marks are for pansies.
Dorkpool: (singing): W.I.P. it, W.I.P. it good!
When I was 15 I moved to the U.S.A I didnt want to because I was happy in the UK but my mom like always didnt listen she just went with it and Me, Her and my sister Stephanie moved to the U.S.A.
Mirror: You know, for someone from the UK, you write like a moron from the US.
So after we went to the house Mom rented out and it was HUGE. She said Max, You and Stephanie go to the bedroom I went with her and the room and I was like ...
Dorkpool: (Max): And I was totally, like, “Oh my gosh, girlfriend, you look fabulous!”
Really I have to share a bedroom with is bitch Stephanie had her phone out and she was texting her boyfreind Nathan, Who was one of my freinds until he broke my arm in a fury of rage.
She was texting him stuff like BB i wanna see your penis and We could have a 3some with my M8 I looked at the Samsung Galaxy Phone
Dorkpool: I bet Samsung paid a lot for that product placement.
and I was like Are you fucking kidding and she's only 14 and Nathan was like 17 years old. I went on the bed starting playing my Nintendo 3DS (I am a HUUUUGGGGEEEEE video game fan) it turned on and I played Pokemon X.
Mirror: Two product placements in one paragraph? This guy’s giving MrAngryDog a run for his money.
After a few hours I went outside and I called up my freind Callum
Dorkpool: Callum. There’s a character named Callum. And I thought Liu was a stupid name.
and we talked for a while then he said this I've been thinking about this-
Mirror: (Callum): …relationship, and I don’t think it’s going to work.
but the message was cut short as 3 bullys named Jack, Josh and Julius started saying Yo kid da fuck yo doing here they spoke with a street accent
Dorkpool: (Max): And yet they were white.
and I was confused and said I just moved he- I got punched and shoved around... then I shouted TARPAR' which at that time I thought it was a demonic curse but then I just look like I a idiot
Mirror: Because you are one.
and I ran inside.
The next day I went to School and the bullys (Who I Shall now refer to has The Triples J's)
Dorkpool: You know, I’m glad they went in this direction. I remember reading the original “Jeff the Killer” story, and thinking, “The biggest problem with this story is that the bullies’ names don’t start with the same letter.”
where there and there were like Hey your that BITCH from Yesterday I just ignored them and went to class and after school I went to the bus stop and Stephanie was with me but Jack came and grabbed Stephanie and started raping her,
Mirror: How? Does she just walk around naked or something?
She yelled MAX!!! HELP ME BROTHER and I remebered 'I have a small but sharp Knife' so I pulled it out and throw it at Jack, He ran away crying and I shouted You rape her, and you deal with me, Max Alexzander Rose
Dorkpool: You know your life sucks when you run away crying from a guy whose last name is Rose.
Me and Stephanie got on the bus and went home. At home I went to the bathroom and I thought 'That felt so good' and I went downstairs and picked up the sharpest knife I could see and went outside.
The Killing Begins
I was looking around for Jack, He raped her, He.. Is.. The One...
Mirror: So he’s Neo?
I looked around holding a long, sharp knife and I saw him and said 'YOU!!,
Dorkpool: (Jack): Me!
Yeah, It's me Max' He just grinned Look it's fucking gay ass kid, You lost he mocked me, 'No...' I pinned him down 'YOU LIKE THAT YOU FAT FUCKING PIECE OF GAY ASS SHIT, HUH, HUH!!!! N-n-n-n-no...
Mirror: (Jack): I don’t like g-g-g-g-ghosts!
I pulled out my knife and looked as his back as I carved it into him. He screamed PLEASE STOP!! But I refused, As I took it out his vision faded away, He went to the bright light, He was gone, Dead....
Dorkpool: Wait, so is he dead? You weren’t very clear on that.
I went home to my house to see Stephanie asleep, I was thinking about killing her but then I had a idea..
Mirror: (Max): I’d put itching powder in her panties! Oh, I’m so cruel.
I took her phone and texted Nathan and then I wrote BB its ova u shud go di,
Dorkpool: That’s probably the best written sentence in this entire story.
Knowing Nathan he ran to are house and raped Stephanie infront of me,
Mirror: He was so pissed that he ran from the UK just to rape his ex-girlfriend.
I didnt care anymore, The power got to me!
Dorkpool: (Max): I HAVE THE POWER!
When he was done, I grabbed him and stared in his eyes then pulled out my knife, 'Once you here, you wont see anywhere near'
Mirror: What…I…WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
and started carving around them 'You had a great life.. A good girlfriend.. but It's over' I smiled as his eye was ripped out by my hand, then I started stabbing his heart..
Dorkpool: EYE think you might be acting a bit HEARTless.
Mirror: -smacks Dorkpool-
I saw Stephanie wake up and I looked at her..
'I hope you liked life..'
Mirror: (Max): If you don’t, then have some alcohol.
Dorkpool: This story is just…wow.
Mirror: It’s terrible, plain and simple. The spelling and grammar are terrible. The characters are barely developed. Hell, the only one with any sort of character would be Stephanie, and that character seems to be “horny teenage girl.” Speaking of Stephanie, why does she get raped so much? And why does the author think that rape is an easy thing to do? And why include rape? Seriously, it’s not something that would ruin the story if it were removed (and honestly, this story is already ruined). Just say they tried beating her up or something. Also, why does Max suddenly want to kill his sister after protecting her? And why does he carry around a pocket knife? And how does Nathan get from the UK to the US on foot? Even ignoring these questions, there’s still so much stupid, like the product name dropping, or the possibly white kids acting black.
Dorkpool: This is usually where I say that there are some good things, but I really can’t. As of this Riff, I have been Riffing for about four or five months. I can honestly say that this is one of the worst things I have ever read. It ranks up there with “White the Killer” (which makes me wonder why all the really terrible stories are Jeff the Killer knockoffs). While I don’t hate this one like I do “Pythor’s Suicide,” since this one wasn’t a literal copy/paste/change a few words like “Pythor’s Suicide,” I do think it’s horrid. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the Riff good? Was the story good? Do you wish we’d be raped? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.