Mirror: Isn’t Azu writing a lost episode story?
Dorkpool: That’s why I said “mostly.” She’s a good writer, and won’t do that.
Mirror: True. Anyway, we’re Riffing a lost episode story?
Dorkpool: Yep. So let’s find out what’s deep inside Luna, and Riff this bitch!
Do you remember that old Playhouse Disney show "Bear in the Big Blue House"?
Dorkpool: Do you remember the last time a lost episode story started with “Do you remember that…”?
Mirror: Probably the last time we Riffed a lost episode story.
Well, if you remember the show, then you probably remember "Luna the Moon". Deep inside Luna, she is soulless and bloodthirsty!
Mirror: (Narrator): Deeper inside, she’s a man.
I was working at Walt Disney world in Florida as a janitor; as I was cleaning inside a soundstage when I encountered a tape of "Luna" from "Bear in the Big Blue House". The label said "LUNA666" written in red ink.
Mirror: Agggh! The cliché! It hurts!
I put the tape in a nearby VCR and hit play. The picture faded in, it said "KILLER LUNA" in big red letters.
Dorkpool: You know, just once, I’d like one of these stories to have small and green letters.
The show started out normal with the intro, but the film had a red tint and it got darker, and darker, and darker.
Mirror: (Narrator): Then I couldn’t see it, and decided to do something else.
After the intro, it showed a stroller with maggots and a layer of dust all over it, a round object with a white glow was in the stroller with loud crunching noises. It cut to a faded image of Luna with red foam coming out of her mouth and there was extremely loud screaming in the background.
Dorkpool: (Luna): Hey, stop your screaming! I’m trying to look creepy.
Then it showed Luna eating a little boy with a striped shirt with a lollipop in his hand. His eyes were missing and veins were coming out of his eye sockets as Luna ate away at his brains.
Mirror: Luna: Harbinger of the Zombie Apocalypse.
Then it cut to Luna screaming for five minutes, and then it faded out. The tape ejected. I vomited.
Dorkpool: I laughed.
Apparently, one of the writers that used to be an animator had a history of poor mental health; he used his animation skills to create the "Killer Luna" tape.
Mirror: So a writer has animation skills good enough to create that?
The man then crawled into his bathtub with a gun and comitted suicide by shooting himself in the temple.
Dorkpool: Well, at least he didn’t use a toaster.
I quit my job in Florida and moved to New York. I have never told anybody this story, not until now.
Mirror: Yes, tell it to random strangers on the Internet. Of course.
Dorkpool: This story sucks, and uses almost every cliché in the book. But by the same token, I love it. I’ll explain why in a minute.
Mirror: The story uses almost every lost episode cliché. Seriously. Gratuitous amounts of blood and gore? Check. Main character randomly finding the lost episode where they work? Check. The color red? Check. Maker of lost episode turning out to be a psychotic show writer/animator? Check. Suicide? Check. Main character revealing their story to strangers on the Internet? Check. Screaming? Check. Outside of the clichés, there’s also the paper-thin plot, absolutely no characterization or character development, and the spelling and grammar isn’t great.
Dorkpool: That all being said, it’s funny as hell. This story is, in my eyes, a prime example of “so bad it’s good.” It’s just so cliché that it became hysterical. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard while doing a Riff. So I can’t say that this story is downright horrible if I’m laughing. I don’t care what it was trying to be, if I laugh, it’s not a terrible story. Also, it’s short, which does work to this story’s advantage. If it was long, the joke would wear pretty thin very quickly. So, personally, I don’t think this is a terrible story. Yes, it’s bad and cliché and everything, but somehow, it made me laugh. As a comedian of sorts, I respect that. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d die by bathtub toaster? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.