Once again, the three crew members of the Cheese Doodle – Dorkpool, Mirror Dorkpool, and Indometus – were gathered on the bridge of said ship.
“Where?” Dorkpool asked.
Mirror Dorkpool pointed to the screen of a computer beside him.
“Right here,” he said, with his finger extended towards a video of Jeff sitting on a rooftop.
“Oh. So he’s waiting for a rematch?” Dorkpool asked.
Dorkpool thought for a second. “Let him wait. We’ve got a Riff to do.”
Dorkpool: Remember the story “Slender Man Vs. Jeff the Killer?”
Mirror: Yes, I’m familiar with it.
Dorkpool: When reading it, didn’t you think, “You know, this is good, but I think it’d be better if it also had the Rake”?
Mirror: No, I thought, “You know, this is alright, but it’d be much better if it had better spelling and grammar.”
Dorkpool: Good point. Anyway, we’re Riffing a story called “Jeff the Killer vs The Rake vs Slender Man (The Operator).”
Mirror: Rather long name, isn’t it?
Dorkpool: Maybe it was written by Fall Out Boy or something. Anyway, let’s be unsatisfied and Riff this bitch!
The moon was at it's peak in the night sky as Jeff cleaned off his blade from that night's killing, smiling from ear to ear.
Dorkpool: Well, that’s what happens when one cuts a smile into their face.
The moonlight poured through the abandoned house's open bedroom window. It wasn't much, but it was enough to see the young girl's corpse from the corner Jeff was sitting in. She seemed short on the wooden table he'd set her on. She was his third kill this month and he still wasn't satisfied.
Mirror: Are you not satisfied in your murder life? Try Dieagra!
Jeff chuckled slightly as he arose from the corner, "Such a shame this happened, huh? I wonder who could've done this!"
Dorkpool: (Jeff): Let’s see, the footprints lead to right where I’m standing, and there’s a bloody knife in my hand. Must’ve been OJ Simpson.
He uttered a loud, fake gasp and put his hand up to his face, "It was me! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
Mirror: Plot twist?
He stopped laughing and continued to circle the table looking down at the body, noticing all of her features. Blonde hair, thin body, long legs for a short girl. One eye was open and Jeff could see the bright blue in it.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): He also saw the red, green, and orange in it. What was with this girl’s eye?
Her mouth hung open loosely and her head turned to the side. Her teeth were awfully crooked.
Mirror: Well, Jeff was kind enough to spare her from the pain of braces.
Jeff stopped circling once he had reached her head. He rolled it so it was looking at him and he opened both eyes and stared into them intently. He jammed his knife into the table in anger.
"You no longer satisfy me!" He shouted.
Dorkpool: (Jeff): I think we should see other people!
He cleared the body off of the table and put it in the closet with the other two, "I've got it! I'll kill in this town once more and move on."
He pulled his knife from the table and leapt out the open window into
Mirror: (Narrator): …a tree.
the darkness. The town was right along a lot of wood space and he figured he'd kill in a house along that tree line and use the woods for cover. There aren't any paths in these woods, but that was no problem. Jeff bobbed and weaved in and out of trees and branches not realizing he was moving deeper into the woods. When suddenly
Dorkpool: …Shia LeBouf.
a loud screech pierced the night air. A lot like the sound of a metal fork being scraped against the side of a car. Jeff stopped.
"What the fuck?" Jeff said, "It must be my mind messing with me. After all, I am kinda cuckoo in the head hehehahahaHAHA."
Mirror: Hahaha, murderous insanity is hilarious!
He stopped his laughter suddenly. He heard rustling behind him and whirled around, knife drawn. A low growl arose from the bush he was now facing.
WHOOSH! A large creature leapt from the bush and tackled Jeff to the ground. It was a pale grey being with no hair and empty, black eyes.
Dorkpool: Oh, it’s Shatner without his toupee.
The Rake. Jeff chuckled. "Oh, you like to play rough, do ya?" Jeff sneered. The Rake pulled back his razor sharp claws to strike and bared his sharp, blood-stained teeth. "Good. So do I."
Mirror: (Jeff): Now whip my hiney and call me “Mistress.”
Jeff swung his knife at The Rake and missed by an inch. The Rake had jumped off of him. It let out another fierce shriek similar to the one Jeff heard before.
"Damn, you're noisy. How about you say we wrap this up. I've got things to do."
Dorkpool: Hey, that’s no way to refer to your horny fangirls.
Jeff said and lunged at The Rake with his knife. He landed his hit this time and cut The Rake's arm. It hollered in pain as it locked it's sights on Jeff. It jumped at him and struck with one claw and missed, but quickly followed up with another and grazed Jeff's shoulder. Almost black blood was oozing its way out of the wound. Jeff chuckled. "I don't have time for these petty games.
Mirror: (Jeff): I’ve got a Monopoly competition to get to.
I've more important things to tend to." He whipped around and took off hearing the shrill shriek of The Rake slowly fading behind him. He had reached a clearing and he was laughing hysterically. Looking around, he saw no signs of The Rake, nor did he hear the things hollering. "Finally, some quiet." Jeff chuckled. He looked at the ground at a peculiar pattern of rocks.
Dorkpool: (Jeff): Why do these rocks spell “dickbutt?”
A circle and an "X".
No sooner could he study the rocks, something struck him hard in the side and he went flying and smacked into a tree. He got up quickly and looked at where he was hit. He saw a tall man in a business suit and a black tie. The craziest part, though, was that the man had no face. Just pale white nothingness.
Mirror: The Republican party in a nutshell.
He read about him. He knew he was called Slender Man. "HAHAHA! You look awfully funny there, Slendy. Are you a friend of that thing I fought before?" Jeff questioned. Slender Man cocked his head questioningly and shot out a tendril at Jeff which he easily avoided.
Dorkpool: (Slender Man): I have no friends. Just a career in hentai.
"Hmm.. This must be what struck me!" He exclaimed proudly. Slender Man shot another at him. Jeff sidestepped and swung his knife at the tendril, cutting off the sharp end. It shot back and Slender Man fumbled backwards. A shriek once again pierced the night air and The Rake burst into the opening, but was quickly snatched up by Slender Man. The Rake was held by the legs in one arm and one tendril.
Mirror: (Rake): Please don’t rape me.
The Rake let out one final shriek. A thin line formed where Slendy's mouth should be and opened up exposing skinny, sharp teeth. Slender Man let out a loud hiss and pulled The Rakes legs apart, splitting it down the middle and threw the two halves askew as Slender closed its "mouth."
Slender Man looked back to where Jeff had been standing, but he was gone.
No where to be seen. He heard a rustle in the tree behind his head and turned. Jeff leapt out at him shouting, "Go to sleep, Slendy!" But Jeff's attack had no avail. Slender Man had teleported and he hit the ground hard and lost his knife. He lay on his back and looked up. There he was.
Mirror: (Narrator): The love of his life.
Slendy. Before Jeff could react, Slender Man picked him up by the throat with a tendril and brought him face level. Its mouth agape. Jeff smiled and tried to utter a chuckle before he met his fate. "Do your worst, Slendy!"
Dorkpool: (Slender Man): Your anus is so going to regret that you said that.
Slender Man showed some emotion and smiled with his sharp, long teeth. "Go to sleep, Jeff. Sleep forever." It whispered menacingly and tightened the grip around Jeff's neck until a snap cracked throughout the forest and The Operator dropped the smiling, limp body of Jeff the Killer.
Mirror: Did he just kill Jeff?
Mirror: WOOOOOO HOOOOO!
Dorkpool: Go Slendy!
Both: (chanting): SLENDY! SLENDY! SLENDY!
Dorkpool: This story doesn’t really suck.
Mirror: A lot of this is similar to “Slender Man Vs. Jeff the Killer” outside of the two fighting. There’s a random dead person, and Slender Man gets a tentacle cut off. Also, the Rake seems kind of weak in this story, and honestly had no reason to be here. It probably would’ve been better if the Rake weren’t in the story, since there could’ve been more of a focus on Jeff getting his ass kicked. Or the Rake could’ve been part of the story, but have a bigger role instead of “mildly annoying Jeff and getting murdered by Slender Man.”
Dorkpool: That all being said, there are quite a few upsides. The spelling and grammar is good, Jeff isn’t very overpowered like in “Slender Man Vs. Jeff the Killer,” (seriously, there is no way in hell Jeff would be able to survive a fight with Slender Man), and, oh yeah, Jeff the Killer is killed! I personally find that a good thing, since as a character Jeff is kind of annoying and ruins most everything he’s in. Seeing him get killed brings a smile to my face. Honestly, I think this is the best story I’ve read that has Jeff the Killer in a prominent role. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d be in a death match against Slender Man, the Rake, and Jeff the Killer? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
Jeff was getting tired of waiting. Here he was, just sitting on a rooftop, waiting to fight some guy who dresses like some rejected superhero. Usually Jeff was pretty patient, but waiting for a few hours on some random rooftop has a habit of annoying people, and Jeff was no exception. He honestly considered telling that guy in a skull helmet to shove it (if he could; if not, Jeff would kill the guy) when he heard a somewhat musical chime behind him.
He turned to see Dorkpool transport on the rooftop, armed with a rather strange looking gun.
“Surprise, bitch,” Dorkpool said. “I bet you thought you saw the last of me.”
Jeff got up, and took out his knife. “Yeah. I thought you’d be too afraid to show your mask again.”
“No, I’m always happy to show off my mask, and my toys,” Dorkpool said as he fired the gun. A beam came out of it, and hit Jeff square in the chest, knocking him to the ground.
“Stunning, ain’t it?” Dorkpool asked the unconscious Jeff.
Jeff got up.
“It’s pretty annoying, actually.” Jeff calmly told Dorkpool.
“Yeah, so are you,” a voice said from behind Jeff. He turned to see another Dorkpool with a goatee on his mask (weird) dressed in a red vest, and a girl dressed in all black with cat ears in a tail. That was a new one for him. The other Dorkpool took out a knife and embedded it in Jeff’s throat, and the catgirl started clawing at his face.
While that was going on, Dorkpool was trying to aim his gun so that he would hit Jeff and not hit Indometus. He felt like he had a good shot when suddenly he felt something grab him and slam him to the ground. Then, he felt no more.
The man in the skull mask stepped over Dorkpool’s unconscious body and walked over to Jeff, Mirror Dorkpool, and Indometus. Jeff had gotten the knife out of his throat, but was still having trouble against Indometus. The man in the skull mask simply grabbed the catgirl from the killer, and used her as a bat to hit Mirror Dorkpool. Then he took Mirror Dorkpool, and smashed the two into the ground.
“I could’ve handled it,” Jeff said, tending to his wounds.
The man in the skull mask ignored his comment, and said, “Take them and start moving.”