"It’s time," the traitor said.
"Already?" El Catrin asked? He isn’t very happy about what that means.
"Yes," the traitor responded, turning off the forcefield that kept the clone of Slender Man inside his prison. The traitor walked inside the cell, and took out a dagger. Carved into it were foreign words and characters. They are phrases written in the Tongue of Darkness. The traitor’s hand shook, but that wasn’t a problem. El Catrin’s throat was still slit, letting out quite a bit of blood. The traitor dabbed some blood on his finger, and got to work.
Once he was done, the traitor went back to his quarters, and remotely reactivated the security cameras. Immediately, alarms went off, all blaring that everyone needed to get down to the brig, and he, along with the rest of the small crew of the Cheese Doodle, went there.
They all arrived to find a dead El Catrin, and coordinates written on the wall in blood.
All of them asked the obvious questions: how did this happen? Who did this? Why? And where do the coordinates lead?
Dorkpool ended the conversation.
"Here’s what we’re going to do," he said. "We’re going to get some tea or coffee or whatever the hell Doomsayer drinks, we’re going to completely wake up, and we’re going to research where the coordinates lead." Nobody objected.
"Good," Dorkpool said. "Now, while the coordinates are being located, Mirror Me and I are going to do a Riff."
Once again, nobody objected.
Dorkpool: You know, I thought the Creepypasta Land Wiki was as worse as it got.
Mirror: You mean it isn’t?
Dorkpool: There’s a Jeff the Killer Wiki.
Mirror: You’re right. There is worse.
Dorkpool: I’ve actually Riffed a few stories from there. Spoiler alert: the stories sucked.
Mirror: We’re going to Riff another one of them, aren’t we?
Dorkpool: Yep. So let’s break a lawn mower, and Riff this bitch.
Excerpt from a local newspaper:
Tuesday Night 16th
Dorkpool: (Newspaper): Month unknown.
A horrible homicide had taken place in Edgefield County, Minnesota.
10-year old Michael Watson was killed by a lawn mower.
Mirror: I wonder if they’re going to write that on his grave. "Here lies Michael Watson, killed by a lawn mower."
Watson was mowing the grass in his back yard last night when his body was discovered under the lawn mower, mangled beyond recognition.
Officials are concluding that this was in fact a homicide.
Dorkpool: It’s either that, or Mr. Watson really has no idea how to use a lawnmower.
Investigators say they found him with his hands and legs tied together while his head was fully lodged under the gas powered mower. Investigators also found that the lever to keep the mower running was tied to the handle bar. Watson was so far away from the house that the mower ran all night until the gas ran out. He was discovered in the morning by his parents when he wasn’t in his bed. They found him on the edge of the woods on their property.
Mirror: How big is their property if they know to look there, but it’s too far away for them to hear the lawn mower running?
A neighbor says she knows Watson's parents and knew Watson when he was very young.
"He was just as charming as he could be," said the neighbor. Most of the Edgefield County community has heard about this tragedy and they're continuing to pray for the family.
Dorkpool: (Newspaper): Even the Satanists.
It's a sad day in Edgefield County and police are still restlessly trying to hunt and find the suspect but as of now they have no lead.
If anyone has any information about the possible suspect please call the local police department at xxx-xxx-xxxx.
Mirror: I’m not sure that’s a real number.
Jack's life was now gone. That killer had taken away his family and murdered his brother. Now he lived in an orphenage,
Dorkpool: I guess that’s better than living in an orphanage.
being supervised by people he didn't know. He hated Jeff.
Mirror: Join the club.
He had done this to him. He had ruined his life eternally.
Jack had planned suicide the next morning, but, of course, that would just be too much for the caretakers. He wanted to leave the place and get his vengance. He wanted justice.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): And together, he could be justice.
But Jeff was now miles away, probably murdering someone else's family. Jack replayed his memory in his mind.
"Go to sleep..."
But the memory taunted him. As he walked down the empty outskirts of the street, he could see an alley cat stalking a rat. Jack hung his head low, thinking about all the torturous things he would do to Jeff.
Mirror: (Narrator): He would make Jeff listen to "Baby" on an infinite loop.
He would make Jeff suffer dearly... wish he had never done it... Jack remembered his mother, happy and smiling, and he also remembered when he saw Jeff stabbing her... and her eyes become lifeless. He wondered if his mother's dead body was even still lying in the same place it had.
Dorkpool: Well, considering how incompetent the police are in these kinds of stories, that’s a rather likely possibility.
What was worst about all of this was his mother protecting him. She died trying to save his life. Jack's older brother, Michael, had been mowing the lawn when Jeff had found him. He had tied Michael up and laid him under the lawn mower, where he mutilated his body.
Mirror: Well, you’ve got to give Jeff points for originality.
Jack remembered seeing his brother's body before he fled... it was mangled and bloody, deep cuts and slit along the charred flesh... some bits were pink, and others were white, but all of it was covered in red.
Dorkpool: His brother died a Commie.
Jack was deep in thought... when a girl jumped out of a bush behind him. From fright, Jack stumbled onto the hard pavement and the girl stepped out of the shadows, revealing a doll-like mask and holding a knife. Jack tried to stand up, but she lunged at him and tackled him to the ground.
Mirror: (Narrator): This aroused Jack.
Holding the knife aimed at his throat, the girl stopped and looked at him.
"Have you seen a man with a wide grin and unblinking eyes," she inforced as she inclines the knife at his neck.
"Yes, he k-killed my f-family.."
Dorkpool: (Girl): Good, because he owes me money.
The girl stopped.
"And you want vengance?" she said very strictly.
"Yes! Of course!"
"What would you say if... we teamed up?"
Mirror: (Jack): Hopefully, "The sex is great."
A grin flickered upon Jack's face.
"Yes," he said.
The girl helped him up.
"I am Jane -- and you are --"
Dorkpool: (Jack): JUSTICE!
"Then it's settled," Jane said. "We're both hunting for that mother****er Jeff... yes.."
Mirror: (Jack): I thought we were hunting for that motherfucker.
Jack could see a smile come across Jane's face, even though she was wearing a mask. Now he wasn't going to fight Jeff alone... he was with her, and in which he assumed she had fought him before.
"You'll need training, though. Jeff is a hard ****er to catch."
Dorkpool: (Jane): He’s kind of a pain in the ***.
Jack didn't say anything. He followed Jane to a vacant, unoccupied house where they would train all night... Jack was willing to risk it.. he just wanted sweet vengance...
Mirror: (Narrator): And some pussy.
Dorkpool: Well, this story sucks.
Mirror: You don’t say?
Dorkpool: I do say, actually.
Mirror: Well, I’m going to say why it sucks.
Dorkpool: Please do.
Mirror: The spelling and grammar aren’t very good, the characters aren’t developed, and there’s quite a few plot holes and inconsistencies. I mean, seriously, the newspaper said that Jack’s parents were alive, but he says that they were killed. Also, the newspaper doesn’t mention Jack at all, even though he’s Michael’s brother! And why Jane the Killer immediately take Jack under her wing? And why is her profanity in asterisks?
Dorkpool: Well, there is one good thing about this story. It’s short. Other than that, it sucks. But that’s what we think. What do you think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d be killed by a lawn mower? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
Indometus was typing something on a computer console when Dorkpool asked, "Did you find where the coordinates lead?"
"Yes," she answered. "The Mutara Nebula."
"The Mutura Nebula? What, are we going to try ripping off scenes from Wrath of Khan? Because I’m pretty sure Into Darkness did a pretty good job of that already." Dorkpool said.
"Isn’t it obvious?" Mirror Dorkpool asked. "It’s a trap. You’re being lead to a place where sensors don’t work, and will probably be ambushed."
"I see," Dorkpool said. He thought for a second. "How long would it take to reach the Mutura Nebula?" he asked.
"About a week or so," Indometus answered.
"Well then. Road trip!"
Mirror Dorkpool sighed, and said, "You’re going to get us all killed."
"No I won’t! You know why? Because I’ve got the best damn crew in the fleet, and I know you guys will kick some ass."
"There are four people on this ship, and you don’t have a fleet." Mirror Dorkpool said.
"Oh. The point still stands. Either way, we’re going to the Mutura Nebula, and I’m going to try getting some allies." Dorkpool said, and walked away.
The traitor saw the exchange, and chuckled to himself.
Everything was going to plan.