A ship orbits a planet. It’s a large ship, bristling with weaponry, and basically screaming, “Don’t mess with me, or you’ll die.” The ship is called Scythe. The commander of the ship is a conqueror, a ruler, the one who physically defeated Death. He wears the face of Death, and commands the same terror as the Reaper, perhaps more. His name is Zorax.
Aboard the bridge Scythe, Zorax sits in a large, throne-like chair. He’s dressed in black, regal armor that leaves his skeletal face exposed. In front of him stands the one known as the Messenger. The Messenger was telling him about the wishes of those on the planet.
“So,” Zorax said, in a raspy voice. “This planet has beings who want to revolt against me and my empire?”
“Yes, my Lord.” The Messenger said.
Zorax stands up. “I offer them peace and protection, and they revolt. An example must be made to anyone who considers denying the perfection of my rule.” Zorax looks at the officer manning the tactical station. “Destroy every living thing on this planet, and anything that might make it support life.”
Zorax walked into his war room, the Messenger following him.
“Do you have anything else to say, Messenger?” Zorax asked.
“Yes, my Lord. The one called “Dorkpook” has been killed.” The Messenger responded.
“Excellent. How many alternate versions of him are left?”
“2, sir. Both in this universe.”
“How many of me?”
“You are the only version of you left in the entire multiverse.”
Zorax smiled, or at made a facial expression that’s as close to a smile that a skull can.
“Then let’s assemble the fleet, and go after my little failure.” Zorax said.
On the Cheese Doodle…
Dorkpool: I’m starting to get tired of unrepentant insane serial killers.
Dorkpool: Because I’ve had to deal with so many of them…
Mirror: So have I.
Dorkpool: …through the Riffs.
Mirror: I can’t really say the same.
Dorkpool: Your universe seems...interesting.
Mirror: It is.
Dorkpool: Lovely. Anyway, here’s another story involving a serial killer from the Creepypasta Land Wiki.
Mirror: Goody goody gumdrops.
Dorkpool: Tell me about it. So, let’s just call some Satanic scientists, and Riff this bitch!
Kainen had no mother.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): She left Kainen before he was born.
Nor did he have a father,at least not that he knew of. Kainen was born in a facility filled with satanist scientists, or at least half the scientists there were satanists.
Mirror: Did this story say, “Satanist scientists”?
Mirror: Does the writer want this to be taken seriously?
Dorkpool: I have no idea.
The entire facility was divided into two separate labs, both sides have their own projects going on,one side conducted the experiment in which Kainen was created from and the other was in the midst of a superweapon experiment.
Mirror: Can we hear about the super weapon thing?
Kainen was created to be a pawn for the new king of hell, Lucifer. Lucifer was short on strong pawns he can use to his advantage,
Dorkpool: (Narrator): He got them to the other side of the board and exchanged them for queens.
so he demanded a perfect pawn that he can use over and over again. Kainen was the final result of that request,his DNA came from a mix of a bunch of different demons and monsters, even Lucifer himself gave DNA in order to make his new pawn absolutely perfect. His genes were also splashed with all of the seven sins.
Mirror: Yes, because DNA can be mixed with all seven sins. Of course.
What kind of pawn would he be if he wasn’t sinful? The other side of the facility was a different story The scientists on the other side weren’t satanists and were all native Underrealmians.
Dorkpool: What in the name of Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man is an Underrealmian?
The experiment over there was to make a living super weapon that would be the winning factor in any war it was to be used in. The weapon was to be a mindless fighting machine that would be inteligent and extremely powerful.
Mirror: So this super weapon is going to be both intelligent and mindless? Did the writer even think about this before he or she wrote it?
The two sides didn’t interact with each other,yet the scientists can pass through the entire facility. But the satanists and the Underrealmians don’t ever speak to each other or even give the other a glance. It was almost comical sometimes.
A year after Kainen was brought out of the test tube and brought into the world,the satanists began the starving and torture. Kainen wasn’t born mindless and obedient, and they couldn’t have that.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): That didn’t want him to be intelligent!
They needed to break his psyche in order for him to be a mindless pawn,and being demons themselves,the only way they knew was torture.
Mirror: (Scientist): You will have to read JeffxSlendy slash fiction!
Dorkpool: (Kainen): Noooooo!
Kainen endured all the torture,and after every torture session his mind would break just a little bit more. He was a strong one though, therefore had to be tortured daily in order to achieve their desired state in time. One day in between torture sessions, young Kainen snuck out of his room and into the other side of the facility where the superweapon experiment was taking place. He’d never been there before and no one ever discussed the place, so Kainen was curious as to what it was used for. He explored the other side for a while, but there wasn't anything too interesting there.
Dorkpool: I love it when a story describes itself.
It looked the same as his side of the facility. He grew bored quickly and debated going back to the other side where he was supposed to be,but as he rounded a corner to go back,he saw another boy. The child was no more than a year old, his skin was a light shade of grey and his eyes were red and rather narrow. His pupils were mere slits and his little horns curled inward in the shape of a ‘C.’ Kainen hid behind the corner before the toddler could notice him. He watched the boy shyly, never had he seen another child in the facility. Kainen wished he had the courage to say hello and ask what his name was,but he was far too shy.
The boy teetered around the hallway as if waiting for something. Suddenly the large metal doors at the end of the hallway swung open and a tall man walked in accompanied by scientists and a smaller woman. The tall man towered over everyone at a shocking 12-13 feet. His skin was midnight black and his red eyes were narrowed into a permanent glare and pupilless. He had two bull-like horns branching out from either side of his head. Dangling down on chords from his horns were skulls from humanoid creatures, they were polished as if they were trophies or ornaments. The sash that he wore to keep his huge sword on his back was decorated with bones as well. A fur cape flowed behind him as he walked over to the toddler. His four extra mouths clicked their teeth as if nervous or irritated.
Dorkpool: Is that supposed to be Satan? Or is it Zalgo? A demonic Klingon?
The woman that was with him was pale and absolutely gorgeous. Her eyes were black and glassy, her hair was short and spiked in the back. Her attire consisted of a simple fur dress that barely reaches her knees and fur boots. Kainen watched the woman grin, showing her long canines and ran up to the boy. She scooped him up and hugged him tight. The boy grinned and giggled in excitement. The man however, kept his distance for some odd reason. It was almost like he was scared of the toddler or something.
Mirror: He’s afraid of responsibility.
The man folded his hands behind his back and scanned the hallway. His gaze suddenly landed on Kainen who’d poked his head around the corner. Kainen froze as the man stared right at him with his cold pupiless eyes. The man kept his eyes on Kainen as he whispered to one of the scientists who immediately looked at Kainen. He was caught and brought back to his side of the facility where he got in huge trouble.
Dorkpool: Not just any trouble, but HUGE trouble.
Kainen never went to that side of the facility again. Seven years passed, and Kainen was still excessively tortured on a daily basis. His mind was slowly breaking, and his brain was creating two personalities.
Mirror: (Narrator): They manifested as yellow and white caption boxes.
Slowly but surely it was happening,one personality was innocent and had no recollection of anything that happened to him. The other was the pawn the scientists had dreamed of, evil, ruthless and could remember everything.
Dorkpool: But he’s mindless!
The cycle of being tortured continued until a day in the spring changed his life forever. It started with a single scream from the other side of the facility. It was loud enough for Kainen to hear from his holding cell. Then, everything erupted into sheer chaos. The entire facility was in turmoil, alarms were going off, shouts and screams rang out, and the unmistakable crunch of bones could be heard mere yards from Kainen’s door. His alternate,whom by that time was a loud voice in Kainen’s head and had barely any control over Kainen’s body anymore, wanted in on the obvious mass massacre going on. The alternate forcefully took over and smashed down the door,instantly joining in on the killing spree.
Mirror: So the alternate voice has no power, but made Kainen join in on the massacre? Logic!
He couldn’t tell who started the killing and where they were now,but he didn't care. He enjoyed helping whoever it was and killed all the remaining scientists in the facility. Afterward,he fled and allowed the innocent side to take over. Unable to recollect how he escaped the facility,Kainen became a wanderer. He stole and scrounged for food in a place called Lavender Village.
Dorkpool: Lavender Town reference or coincidence? You decide!
Mirror: I choose option three: bad writing.
One cold and windy day, Kainen was eating leftovers a family had thrown out for feral monsters that wander the streets to enjoy. He was just tearing into a human arm when he noticed a boy and a man walking down the street hand in hand.
Dorkpool: The true goals of NAMBLA.
The little boy was about five and looked like a smaller version of the tall man he saw about a decade ago. The boy had larger eyes though, with round pupils and six extra mouths on his back and chest. The man he was with looked much different than the boy. He wore traditional desert clothing and had sand colored skin. The man’s eyes were a piercing golden and grey and he had dark grey horns that curled down like a ram’s and ended just beyond his cheeks. The little boy was smiling as he held the man’s hand. Kainen wondered if the two were father and son. This led to him wondering what it was like to have a family,to be loved and have parents who would lay down their lives for him. Then he suddenly felt something he never felt before:
Mirror: (Narrator): The caress of a Catholic priest.
Dorkpool: Dude, that’s dark.
loneliness. He wasn’t quite sure why he felt this way. He did nothing wrong,but the sight of the boy and the man would haunt him for the next few millennium. Several thousand years go by, Kainen hadn’t really grew much,serum he was given at the facility stunted his growth and he forever has the body of a 13 year old. Not too long after he saw the man and the boy,a woman from the Grasslands found him eating her scraps outside and took pity on him,letting him stay with her and treated him as if he were her own.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): He was also trained to not pee on the carpet.
Three years after, he was captured by a cult who wanted to continue the pawn project and continued where the scientists left off, torturing and starving him again. Months into his torture,the woman who'd taken care of him was brought in and held hostage in front of Kainen,leaving him the choice of killing her quickly or them performing the same gruesome torture on her until her body gave out. Tears streamed down his face as he killed her by impaling her heart with his shadows,sobbing as she said how she loved him. Thousands of years later,he managed to escape their grasp and had began scrounging again. By then he'd nearly forgotten about the man and the boy,he'd forgotten about the couple as well until he saw a family of Slenderpeople
Dorkpool: It’s almost over. Just go with it.
at the marketplace enjoying themselves. He immediately felt the old loneliness and the guilt from his 'mother's' death rise up inside him. Being in his innocent personality,he couldn’t take the pain and fled into the forest where he began to weep. In the midst of his crying,he noticed something on the ground.
Mirror: (Narrator): A used condom.
Tears streaming down his face as he picked it up and found it was an ancient knife. Wanting the pain to end, he stabbed the knife into himself without thinking of the consequences. Instead of dying,however, the knife plunged into his chest in such a way that his body instantly went into some sort of turbo
healing mode. His body basically rebooted itself, wiping his innocent side’s memory clean so he’d be a blank canvas. Meanwhile, a teenage boy named Kyoto leaned up against a tree smoking a cigarette.
Mirror: Is he wearing a leather jacket?
This forest was his,he’d ran away from his irate and cruel father after non stop torture for years.The boy wanted to enjoy his new land. He took another drag on his cigarette. Beside him a bush rustled but he ignored it. “Stupid animals.” He muttered and tapped his smoking cigarette on a tree. That’s when a boy came out of the bush, startling Kyoto.
Dorkpool: Shia surprise!
The boy’s name was Kainen.
Mirror: Plot twist?
Dorkpool: Well, this story is kind of unique.
Mirror: It is?
Dorkpool: Yeah. They had the Satanic version of the Project create some being. It’s…unique, but not good.
Mirror: Yeah, I think the lack of spaces betwixt commas and the fact that it was originally one giant block of text helps contribute to that. Also, any unique ideas weren’t very well developed or explained. It’s basically the genetically engineered Satanic version of “Jeff the Killer.”
Dorkpool: Well said. So, what do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d be tortured by Satanic scientists? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
A being walked into their quarters. They took out a communicator of sorts, and turned it on.
“Yes?” the being asked.
“I’m coming,” a raspy voice responded.
“Noted. I’ll turn on the tracker.” The being said. “I’ll see you soon, my Lord.”