Dorkpool: No. Well, yes. But that’s not what I’m talking about.
Mirror: Please elaborate then.
Dorkpool: “Candle Cove.”
Dorkpool: Yep. But spin-offs of it do exist, like this one, called “Candle Cove: The Journal of Damien Green.”
Mirror: Well, it can’t be as bad as “Max the Killer,” can it?
Dorkpool: Well, let’s make a journal, and Riff this bitch!
If you think about it, there are some things in this world that aren't meant to be scary, but most often, they are.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Teletubbies, for example.
Take Candle Cove for instance. The guy who created the show seemed like he was trying to make an innocent enough children's show.
Mirror: There was an episode that was just screaming. Yes, it’s totally innocent.
Creepy, but innocent. I have a bit of a history with that damned show. Here it is.
June 24, 2010
I'm trying to find out more about "Candle Cove". I know it exists, because I watched the first like three episodes, but got bored after the fifth one. I heard that it was getting a new season, and I remembered the show. I remember it as "The Pirate Show" and my parents thought it was weird that I would stay up until 5:00 in the morning, waiting for nothing but static to come on.
Dorkpool: I find it weird that your parents didn’t consult any psychiatrists or anything.
I didn't know if they were messing with me or not, because Candle Cove is definitely NOT static. It's something more than that. Something terrible.
Mirror: (Narrator): Reality TV.
June 25, 2010
After writing that first entry, I decided to dig up some news about Candle Cove, possibly even find episodes. I was on the internet at about 12:00 midnight when I received a text message from someone with a name like this "0100110101100101011001010111010001101101011001010000110100001010".
Dorkpool: That’s actually his nickname. His real name is 8675309.
The message said, when decoded from binary to text, "Meetme". Meetme? What did he mean, Meetme? Was I supposed to meet whoever that was somewhere? I don't know.
Both: Well, what else would it mean?
June 26, 2010
I found an episode of Candle Cove. It was from season one, and it was at least the 5th episode. It's funny because I don't remember ever seeing something like this.
Mirror: (Narrator): Wait…this isn’t Candle Cove. This is the Star Wars Holiday Special.
The episode I saw depicted it being Janice's birthday, and the Pirates and the Skin Taker and the rest of the characters sang happy birthday, and then Skin Taker broke off into a weird song which I assume to be called "One Year Closer".
Dorkpool: “One Year Closer” is on the Candle Cove soundtrack, available now, along with the songs “Random Screaming” by Ampere.
When he finished the song, all the puppets kind of stared at the camera, their eyes glassy. Then out of nowhere skeletons came out. Yes, you 4chan fans, you can literally say skeletons popped out.
Mirror: (Narrator): But please say nothing about Shrek.
The scary thing about it was that the skeletons kept grabbing near Janice's breast area, and touching her butt.
Dorkpool: (singing): Spooky, scary skeletons try groping little girls…
June 27, 2010
I contacted someone I met over the internet who apparently watched Candle Cove when it was on TV. He told me to come to his house and interview him. At first I was wary, but then I realized this was Candle Cove we were going to talk about.
Mirror: (Narrator): Candle Cove, and Bruce Jenner’s sex change.
When I got there, I noticed his house was immaculate. But that was mostly because he had nothing but a TV and a bed in his house. It looked like he didn't have any food in his house, either. When I was asking him questions, he kept staring off into space, and it took me seconds, sometimes even minutes, to get him to come back to Earth and keep talking to me.
Dorkpool: Well, you bored him.
When I brought up the Skin Taker, he just screamed and fell over, unconscious. I tapped him, but it seemed as if he wouldn't wake up for hours. After that, (This might sound creepy but I'm doing anything to find anything about Candle Cove) I went upstairs and searched his room for anything that has absolutely anything to do with that damn show.
Mirror: (Narrator): And yet all that was there was a bunch of My Little Pony merchandise.
I found concept art, but it was singed. I could barely even tell what it was. There was also a note that I will read that's from the guy who lived across the street from me when I was younger, who I will describe better in the next Entry, but for now I need some rest.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Going to some guy’s house, causing him to faint, then searching through his stuff is really tiring.
June 30, 2010
Wow. I slept for nearly four days. I don't ever remember doing that, ever. I remember some dreams that I had during the four day sleep period thingy thing.
Mirror: (Narrator): For some reason Sonic was in it…
Skin Taker was chasing me down a long dark hallway, as other villains from the show came around corners. First there was Horace Horrible, then Milo, and then something terrible I thought I'd never see again.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): “Max the Killer.”
He was tall, and he was dressed like a normal man. But he was also decaying terrible, and I could literally smell his terrible, burning flesh as he stumbled around the corner. The man was some strange old guy who lived on my street when I was about 10, who would sometimes go onto my lawn when my parents weren't home, and stare in through my window.
Mirror: Jerry Sandusky: The Early Years.
I remember his house burning down about two years later when I was home alone. Apparently it was suicide. I don't want to know what made him burn his house down. But I feel I must. I'm going to his house tomorrow to look for clues. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Here is that note I found at the man's house.
Dorkpool: (Note): Went to go spy on some kids. Don’t wait up for me. Dinner’s on the stove, and Jimmy’s in the basement.
"Dear Lucille, I don't know how much longer I can take this. The nightmares are becoming more frequent, more... disturbing. Most of them are of him... but all of them have the same picture of that kid who lives across from me with his eyes gouged out.
Mirror: The True Origin of Eyeless Jack.
If only there was a way I could warn him about that damned Candle Cove show before it's too late... Sincerely, Bill"
June 31, 2010
What I saw in that house will most likely make me not able to sleep for days, maybe even years. The house was... nothing but a patch of dirt, now. But, knowing better, I dug into the dirt, and soon I hit something.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): A water main.
The material scraped against my fingernails as I took the packed dirt off the top of it. It was a note. It reads "Percy was a pirate, he was the greatest one around, Percy was a Pirate, he never wore a frown, Until one day Mr. Skin Taker came to town, and took all the other children down to his workshop, where he would chop and sew skin to his new cape, always looking for new children to rape."
Mirror: So the Skin Taker is a pedophile? Yeah, that’s not as scary as a skeleton who takes skin.
This is getting disturbing.
July 1, 2010
I'm regretting getting involved in this. Every time I get home from school, I swear I can hear the screams of those poor children, their skin ripping and their flesh being taken off their bones and stuck onto the skeleton man's cape.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): And, oh lord, the cape. It’s so last year.
I am ending this for now, and I thank everyone who helped me for the help. I don't know what I'll do after this. Maybe I'll even destroy the notebook, but one thing's for sure, I'll never search for that damn show at all, ever again.
Mirror: Wow, the protagonist actually did something intelligent.
Dorkpool: What witchcraft is this?
Dorkpool: This is story is…eh.
Mirror: The thing about this story is that it feels like the author read some of “Candle Cove,” but not all of it. In the first paragraph, he says that the creator of the show was trying to make an innocent kids show. Keep in mind, there was an episode of just screaming. Yeah, that was totally supposed to be innocent. Also, the writer, towards the end, says that he gets home from school. Candle Cove supposed came out during the 1970s. Now, according to the dates, this story takes place in 2010. If that’s the case, then that makes no sense. Even excluding the ignorance of the source material, there still are some problems. Mainly, it comes down to stupidity in some cases. For example, the guy who fainted while being interviewed. While it was probably done to show that Candle Cove is really scary or something, it just seems stupid. And why did the old guy think the best way to warn the narrator about Candle Cove was to just stand outside when his parents weren’t home? Instead of standing there and being creepy, just put a note on his window saying, “Don’t watch Candle Cove” or something. Just saying. Also, what happened to that binary code guy? He just texted the narrator saying he wanted to meet him, and is never mentioned again. And why did he send him the message in binary code? What was the point? Finally, there’s the ending to discuss. While quitting the investigation is the logical thing for the narrator to do, it kind of ends the story abruptly. Everyone bitches about stupid horror characters, but there is a reason they are stupid: it helps propel the story. If they were logical, then they would move out of the haunted house or something, and the story would be over. Now, I’m not saying that it’s good to have moronic protagonists, nor that having smart protagonists means that your horror story won’t work. All I’m saying is that dumb protagonists make the story not end so abruptly.
Dorkpool: There are some good things about this story. For one thing, the spelling and grammar is very good, which is always nice to see (especially after “Max the Killer”). The story itself was kind of bland and somewhat cliché, but it wasn’t unbearable. The main character is actually rather intelligent, especially compared to a lot of other main characters. Honestly, this story isn’t bad, but not very good either. It’s just kind of “meh.” But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish the Skin Taker would make a cape out of our skin? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.