Now, onto the regularly scheduled program.]
“I’m Bandit. And you shouldn’t be here.” The man with the crossbow said, mainly to Jake.
Said man was standing behind Dorkpool and Jake NukeIt, with said crossbow pointed at the two.
Well today’s just going splendidly, Dorkpool thought. Between the RV he and Jake were in being totaled (which completely ruined the RV’s awesome paint job) and being attacked by the Rake, Dorkpool realized it was going to be one craptastic day. Now this guy with a bandana on his face had come to add to it.
“I’m sorry, what?” Jake asked.
“You shouldn’t be here. Your team broke up and you decided to leave. Permanently.”
“Wait, are you talking about the Other Heroes?”
“Yeah, yeah I am. ”
“Ok, this is one big misunderstanding. See, I’m the brother of the guy on the team, and my friend here – ” Jake pointed at Dorkpool, who waved. “ – is looking for them, since his ex-girlfriend was part of the team, and he figures a team of superheroes can help with his parallel universe based problems.”
Bandit’s eyes narrowed. “Do you really expect me to believe that?”
“Well, yeah, but listen, could we talk elsewhere? There’s gonna be a bunch of cops here soon, and I’d rather not stick around to answer questions.” Dorkpool said.
“Nah, I’ll let the cops have you.”
“What? You’re not curious about us at all?”
“Oh, I am. But, as the hero of Vinculux City, the cops’ll tell me what they find.”
It was right then that the cops showed up, most of which left their vehicles and pointed their guns on Dorkpool and Jake.
“Put your hands up!” a cop yelled.
The two obliged.
“Hey, Dorkpool?” Jake said.
“Remind never to go anywhere with you ever again.”
The woman watched the news with the monster. Some might call such a mundane experience with something that’s so incredibly far removed from mundane ‘surreal,’ but the woman would just call it ‘normal.’
At the moment, the woman didn’t really care what her activity and company were labeled as. Rather, she was focused on the news report.
There was aerial footage of a traffic jam, and a crash. A woman was speaking.
“…as you can see, police have appeared on the scene of the accident, and they, along with Bandit, appear to be arresting two people.”
The camera zoomed in onto the crash site, allowing a somewhat better look at the two people being arrested. One of them wore a full body red and black costume.
“Shit,” the woman swore. The monster looked at her.
“Come on, Spyder,” she said. “We’ve got to pick up those two idiots.”
Interrogator: Tell me your name.
Dorkpool: Dorkpool Dorkuss the First.
Interrogator: Your real name.
Dorkpool: That’s the best you’re gonna get. I don’t even remember it.
Interrogator: How come?
Dorkpool: Long story involving way too many connections to other media.
Interrogator: Fine. We’ll come back to that. Why the mask?
Dorkpool: The red matches my eyes and the black matches my soul.
Interrogator: Could you take it off?
Dorkpool: Well, considering no one did before hand, and my hands are cuffed to a table, take a guess.
Dorkpool: Yeah, I have that effect on people.
Interrogator: Why the costume?
Dorkpool: I said to myself, “Self, since we’ve got superpowers, we should have a totally bitchin’ superhero costume.” Then I replied to myself, “No, let’s make it a nerdy clusterfuck.”
Dorkpool: That’s right.
Interrogator: What kind of superpowers do you have?
Dorkpool: Well, I can heal from anything and my natural wit and charm should be considered powers.
Interrogator: You can heal from anything?
Dorkpool: That’s right. That’s why I didn’t kill myself after watching Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. I can heal from emotional wounds too.
Interrogator: If you can heal from any wound, why do you wear glasses?
Dorkpool: Style. Also, they’re X-Ray glasses. –looks down at Interrogator’s crotch- Hehehehehehehe…
Interrogator: -taking deep breaths- Let’s move on…
INTERROGATIONS: JAKE NUKEIT:
Interrogator: Why did you go to Vinculux City?
Jake: To reassemble the Other Heroes.
Interrogator: And why do you want to do that?
Jake: Dorkpool, my friend, needs their help with stopping someone from an alternate timeline who wants to kill him.
Interrogator: Why did your friend drive an RV off a freeway?
Jake: Well, some monster called the Rake attacked us, and he thought it was a good way to stop it.
Interrogator: Are you joking?
Jake: Doesn’t this city have superheroes? What’s a monster or two to a city like this?
The woman and the monster looked down up on the police station from the roof of a nearby building.
“Pretty sure they’re in there,” she said. “You know what to do?”
The monster nodded.
Some time later…
Dorkpool and Jake NukeIt sat in a prison cell.
“You know what we need?” Dorkpool said.
“A ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card?” Jake replied.
“No, we’re not rich enough for those. No, we need a harmonica.”
“Please tell me you don’t have one.”
“I did in my belt, but the cops took it.”
“Oh, no, you won’t get to play an annoying instrument. The horror,” Jake said with thinly veiled sarcasm.
Before Dorkpool could respond, a rumble shook the building.
“What the hell?” Jake asked.
The two ran up to the bars of the cell, trying to see what was going on. They couldn’t see anything; they only heard screaming and gunfire.
The sounds soon stopped. They heard a door open. Someone walked to their cell. A woman in a hat and trench coat holding a belt. She threw the belt into the cell.
“Pretty sure that’s yours,” she said.
Dorkpool took the belt and put it on. “Thanks,” he said. “Wait, your voice sounds familiar.”
“It should,” she said, taking off that hat, revealing cat ears.
“Indo?!” Dorkpool exclaimed, in shock.
“Miss me?” she asked.
“Just a bit, yeah. How did you find us?”
“You were all over the news. Me and Spyder – ”
“Spyder and I,” Jake corrected.
Both Indo and Dorkpool shot him a look.
“Oh, it’s fine when he does it, but when I do I’m the bad guy,” he muttered.
“We saw you getting arrested on the news, and decided to come after you.”
“It’s so sweet of you to care about me after just leaving for no reason.” Dorkpool said.
“There is a reason, and I’ll tell you, but right now we need to go. Spyder!”
A giant man-spider hybrid came into view, and ripped off the cell door.
Jake stared in terror at the creature.
“Alright, let’s go,” Indo said.
“With that thing?”
“Nerdrage, you remember Spyder. He’s friendly.”
“Um, Indo? Who’s Nerdrage?”
“Actually, I’m Jake NukeIt.” Jake clarified.
Indo looked Jake up and down. “You look so much like him. But whatever, let’s go.”
Indo and Spyder took off, with Dorkpool and Jake following.
Inside the station, it looked like a war had been fought. Police were down, bleeding. Bullet holes were everywhere.
Soon they exited the station.
“Can either of you climb a building?” Indo asked.
“Not without the proper equipment,” Jake said.
“Spyder, grab them.”
Spyder grabbed Dorkpool and Jake with two of his arms, and then leaped onto a building and used his other arms to climb. Jake looked like he wanted to faint. Indo followed them, climbing up the wall with her claws.
They made it to the top of the building where Spyder let go of the two.
“Never again,” Jake said.
“Now what?” Dorkpool asked.
“Now y’all are coming with me,” a voice said.
The four turned to see Bandit, holding a crossbow pointed at them.
“Hey, it’s you! Long time, no see!” Dorkpool said.
“Bandit, what are you doing here?” Indo asked.
“Taking you down. You just broke two people out of prison.”
“Well, one of them is my ex, and I know he most likely has decent reason for doing what he did.”
“Which one’s your ex?”
Indo pointed at Dorkpool.
“Hey!” Dorkpool said.
“Doesn’t matter who it is. They’re going back, along with you and your monster pal.” Bandit declared.
“That’s Spyder. I’m surprised you don’t remember him.” Indo said.
“It doesn’t matter. Just come quietly, or I’ll shoot.”
“Hey, how about you don’t do that,” Dorkpool said, stepping forward.
“Sorry,” Bandit said, firing an arrow from his crossbow. It hit Dorkpool square in the chest, the impact causing him to stumble and fall off the building.
Indo, Jake, and Spyder all exclaimed as they went over to see what happened to him. Oddly enough, they couldn’t find a body; just a van speeding away.
They all turned back to Bandit.
“That was a big mistake,” Indo said, lunging at Bandit.
TO BE CONTINUED IN “CREEPYPASTA RIFFS: SONIC.EXE II”