Mirror: Not here, but I’m sure you have.
Dorkpool: Well, should I summarize it for those who don’t know?
Mirror: I’m pretty sure I can: a silly excuse to have Creepypasta ships.
Dorkpool: Let me elaborate: Slender Mansion is supposed to be this mansion owned by Slender Man, and frequently has guests such as Jeff the Killer, Eyeless Jack, Smile Dog, BEN, etc. It acts as a way for Creepypasta characters to interact in a humorous and/or romantic way. However, it should be noted for anyone who might be thinking of stabbing their friends that it is non-canon, and there’s no way you can get in, so don’t be an asshole and try killing friends to get there.
Mirror: This has been a PSA from Creepypasta Riffs.
Dorkpool: Yep. Speaking of Riffs, let’s try and ignore any racist relatives and Riff this bitch!
Everything was fine, until that day.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): The day the earth stood still.
My life was always normal. A mom, a dad, a brother. Not a huge family but it was, in my opinion, a good family. We were planning a family reunion.
Mirror: (Narrator): We were dreading having to invite our racist Aunt Ida.
My cousin Jack was going to come up, and I always like him. We always had such fun together. The day of the reunion I went for a stroll in the woods to wait until the rest of the family shows up.
But suddenly, I collapsed to the ground. Static. All I could hear was static. I looked over and saw a tall, faceless man in a tuxedo approach me.
Dorkpool: Wow, you guys dress pretty formally for a family reunion.
Mirror: Well, how do you dress?
Dorkpool: As soon as I go to one, I’ll let you know.
He snickered. "The reunion is about to start", he said. I screamed. "What's the matter with you?", he laughed, "I thought you were excited for this!" He picked me up, and carried me back to my house. His maniacal laugh echoed in my ears.
We got to the house. When we entered, a tall, dark figure crying blood was looking at us. He bared a strange resemblance to Squidward from Spongebob Squarepants, but he was pale, and his stare was very creepy. A tear of blood dripped down his face and plopped onto the floor.
Mirror: Wow, if he is actually there, then he really is hyper realistic.
He opened his mouth and said "Hello". I shivered a bit.
The tall man put me down in my seat at the dinner table. I looked over at the others. The tall man sat down where my father usually sat, and next to him was a devious smiling blue... pony?
Dorkpool: Well someone put a lot of effort into their MLP cosplay.
Where my mother usually sat was a blue unicorn-like creature. It had a devious smile. It opened it's grinning mouth and spoke through it's sharp fangs, telling me to eat my steak. What really scared me was how it called me "dear".
I looked next to me, and a boy in a dark, black hoody was sitting where cousin Jack usually sat. He had a blue mask, and deep, empty sockets where his eyes were supposed to be. I looked down at his plate, and there was a half-eaten kidney.
Mirror: (Eyeless Jack): Want some?
I nearly threw up at the sight of it. I looked across from me, and where my brother usually sat was a strange blue hedgehog, with sharp, pointed teeth and dark, empty eyes with blood dripping out of theme.
Dorkpool: Sonic.exe’s mere presence caused a spelling error. If he’s here any longer, he’ll cause the story to collapse into a black hole of crap.
"What's the problem?", he asked.
I looked over and saw the strange Squidward sit down next to the hedgehog. Next to him sat a creepy, grinning statue of... Link from Legend of Zelda? And next to him there was a man in a Mickey Mouse suit.
Mirror: You know, this still isn’t weirder than my high school reunion.
He looked at me strangely, as if he was smiling.
"Hey, I know a trick that will cheer you up!", he said.
Dorkpool: (Mickey): It’s called Corporate Takeovers!
He grabbed his fake Mickey head, and lifted it up off of his body, squirting yellow liquid out all over the table. Disgusting. His head frowned at me.
"That used to always make you laugh...", he said, "It's okay, kid, some things get old really quick."
Mirror: Like fart jokes or Adam Sandler movies.
Dorkpool: You kind of repeated yourself.
These... things... they were talking to me as if they knew me personally! I was startled. That's when I heard it. Panting. I looked under the table, and saw a red, grinning dog looking up at me, begging. This was all just too much for me. I was going to get up and make a run for it when there was a knock at the door.
Dorkpool: It isn’t a real party until Sheldon Cooper shows up.
I was hoping it'd be somebody here to save me, but when the Mickey Mouse creature opened it, I saw a small, strange figure with plain white eyes. It seemed to be made up out of... blocks?
Mirror: (Herobrine): ‘Sup, bitches? Who’s up for a less than adequate and not scary story?
He took a seat right next to me.
"Sorry I'm late, guys", he said. He looked over at me. "What's the matter?"
I got up.
"I, uh, need to go to the bathroom", I said.
I walked away, going to where the bathroom usually is. I looked in the mirror, and I was really shocked.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Maybe putting my tongue in the outlet wasn’t the best idea.
I looked in horror. My face, it was all white. My hair was long, and pitch black. I had a terrifying bloody grin, my lips were bright red. I was wearing a white hoody with blood stains all over. I had a bloody knife in my hand. I was shocked, but it felt... right. I don't know what happened, but I felt like this was what I was always meant to be.
Mirror: (Jeff): A Joker knockoff.
I walked back to the dinner table, taking my seat. The rest of the night went on perfectly. We did all sorts of stuff, from discussing brutal murders to just watching the football game. It was morbid, sure, but hey, this is my family now! Every family is a bit stranger than the last.
Dorkpool: Especially in the South, where having an Aunt Mom and Uncle Dad isn’t very uncommon.
We're just... eccentric, you know? At the end of the day, no matter how many terrible things we've done, we're still just that.
Mirror: (Jeff): Like the Mansons.
Dorkpool: This story is…decent.
Mirror: It’s pretty flawed though. This story utilizes the “Slender Mansion” concept, which I find to be kind of silly for a variety of reasons, and does so in a way that’s confusing. Why are Squidward, BEN, Smile Dog, Sonic.exe, and Herobrine there? As far as I know, neither of them can leave their game/show/virtual environment. Hell, Squidward wasn’t really a huge character in his story. It wasn’t like he was alive or talking to the viewer or anything. He just shot himself. Also, please never have Sonic.exe in any story ever. Having him in a story just brings it down. Outside of having bad characters or characters who shouldn’t be there, all of the characterization is off. Slender Man doesn’t speak at all, and none of these characters would ever be so kind. And Jeff not knowing who he is was kind of confusing, since he does have kind of a memorable face. Plus, it was clear that everyone knew him, so him not knowing makes no sense. And there are some spelling/grammar errors.
Dorkpool: There are some good things though. I’m someone who has actively criticized the whole “Slender Mansion” concept, but here, despite being confusing, it does kind of work. It helps make the story nice. You get the feeling that these characters each know and care about each other, which I do kind of like. Sure, it's completely out of character for them, but as a stand-alone, out of continuity thing, it does work. And considering that’s what this is trying to be, I’ll say it achieved it. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d have a family reunion? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.