Mirror: Such as?
Dorkpool: What we’re Riffing today. A story considered a classic called “The Expressionless.”
Mirror: So it’s about the actors in the Matrix movies?
Dorkpool: I doubt it. Anyway, let’s see if this story is worth the hype, and Riff this bitch.
In June 1972, a woman appeared in Cedar Senai hospital in nothing but a white, blood-covered gown.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): It was the newest fashion trend.
Now this, in itself, should not be too surprising as people often have accidents nearby and come to the nearest hospital for medical attention, but there were two things that caused people who saw her to vomit and flee in terror.
Mirror: Wow, something causing people in the ‘70s to vomit? That can’t be good.
The first being that she wasn't exactly human. She resembled something close to a mannequin, but had the dexterity and fluidity of a normal human being. Her face was as flawless as a mannequins, devoid of eyebrows and smeared in make-up.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Slender Man’s mom had a psychotic break.
There was a kitten clamped in her jaws so unnaturally tight that no teeth could be seen, and the blood was still squirting out over her gown and onto the floor.
Mirror: (Woman): I made sure this cat can’t has cheeseburger!
She then pulled it out of her mouth, tossed it aside and collapsed.
From the moment she stepped through the entrance to when she was taken to a hospital room and cleaned up before being prepped for sedation, she was completely calm, expressionless and motionless. The doctors thought it best to restrain her until the authorities could arrive and she did not protest. They were unable to get any kind of response from her and most staff members felt too uncomfortable to look directly at her for more than a few seconds.
Dorkpool: This may sound par for the course when it comes to horror, but keep in mind, this takes place in the ‘70s. Tie dye and parachute pants were in during this time. And these doctors were uncomfortable looking at this lady.
But the second the staff tried to sedate her, she fought back with extreme force. Two members of staff had to hold her down as her body rose up on the bed with that same, blank expression.
She turned her emotionless eyes towards the male doctor and did something unusual.
Mirror: (Narrator): She mooned them.
As she did, the female doctor screamed and let go out of shock. In the woman's mouth were not human teeth, but long, sharp spikes. Too long for her mouth to close fully without causing any damage…
The male doctor stared back at her for a moment before asking "What in the hell are you?"
Dorkpool: (Woman): What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I’m the Goddamn Batman.
She cracked her neck down to her shoulder to observe him, still smiling.
There was a long pause, the security had been alerted and could be heard coming down the hallway.
As he heard them approach, she darted forward, sinking her teeth into the front of his throat, ripping out his jugular and letting him fall to the floor, gasping for air as he choked on his own blood.
She stood up and leaned over him, her face coming dangerously close to his as the life faded from his eyes.
She leaned closer and whispered in his ear.
Mirror: (Woman): Hail Hydra.
"I... am... God..."
The doctor's eyes filled with fear as he watched her calmly walk away to greet the security men. His last ever sight would be watching her feast on them one by one.
The female doctor who survived the incident named her "The Expressionless".
Dorkpool: (Narrator): The male doctor who survived the incident called her “Crazy Biting Lady.”
There was never a sighting of her again.
Mirror: Until she appeared in bad spin-offs.
Dorkpool: This story is adequate.
Mirror: Honestly, some questions arise when reading this story, like how did anyone know that this whatever the hell said, “I am God”? She whispered in the guy’s ear, and he died. Also, that line is pretty cliché. Why not have her say, “Coocoocachu, Colonel Sanders. I am the walrus” or “I’M BATMAN”? That would be different. Just saying.
Dorkpool: There are good things. The spelling and grammar is pretty good. The story is short, and somewhat open-ended. Nothing about it is truly awful. It’s just sort of…meh. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d met mannequin God? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.