Dorkpool: About twelve days ago from the time this was written, we Riffed a story called "Duck Pond." It’s a spin-off of "Abandoned By Disney" and, unlike "Abandoned By Disney," is not based off a real park. It just makes shit up. And despite the fact that no one really asked for a sequel, there is one.
Mirror: At least it’s not a reboot…
Dorkpool: True, since it feels like Hollywood has done those to death (If you don’t agree, I have to say Hulk, Star Trek, Ghostbusters, Spider-Man, Batman, Superman, and do I need to go on?). However, I’m still not thrilled about this story, "SR142."
Mirror: You and me both.
Dorkpool: Anyway, let’s punch in cheat codes, and Riff this bitch!
START RIFF
It had been two months since my previous investigation of the abandoned Duck Pond park.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): In that time, I’ve found out that the park doesn’t exist.
I stopped because I didn't really have any reason to continue.
Mirror: And yet there’s a sequel.
Dorkpool: The "Jaws" sequels in a nutshell.
Well that was before I found out that my Aunt had some audio recordings of her deceased boyfriend's investigation of the place that he recorded before he died. Apparently he did some investigation of his own after the 4 children were murdered. I had asked my aunt for the audio recordings for at least a month, but she would never let me have it.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): I had to threaten to break her knees to get them.
Thirsty for knowledge on Disney's plots, I stole the audio tapes from her. They are bellow:
Recording one:
Mirror: (Boyfriend): Welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza.
"Uh hello...I was a former worker at Duck Pond. After the 4 children were murdered there, I decided to do some investigation...I'm gonna go check out the place tomorrow."
Recording two: "Hello...I entered the abandoned Duck Pond today.
Dorkpool: (Boyfriend): I’m being followed by living Mickey suits now.
I haven't really found anything, and I had to leave early because I heard footsteps, and I don't want to get caught sneaking into the park. Tomorrow I will do some investigation, and tell you a story from when I worked there."
Mirror: (Boyfriend): It’s a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down.
Recording three: "Hello. I haven't found anything else, so I'll just tell you guys a story from when I worked there. There was a big big party at the park, and it was jammed packed. Once the party was half way done, there was a big feast. It was the most unhealthy thing I had ever seen...
Dorkpool: Charlie Sheen?
there was literally no healthy food, only sugary junk food. There were a lot of sugary food there, obviously...and a lot of young children there. So uh...you can see how this would escalate quickly.
Mirror: Well that escalated quickly.
There were children everywhere. These children were also the sloppiest eaters I have EVER seen. One child I remember ran up to me. He had icing all over his face, and chocolate and other sugary foods covering his hands, and he grabbed my leg. He was twitching so fast and was so jittery that I literally lost balance and fell down.
Dorkpool: (Boyfriend): And that’s why all those kids are dead now.
Most children were like that too, literally only two weren't. But one of the said two was just a little bit spazzing and hyper, and the other was still super hyped up, he just wasn't covered in sweets. Not one child was calm. The only reason I was telling this story, is that when I got up after I lost balance and fell, I looked to the side and saw a man in a Donald suit. His mask was covered in...blood. I rubbed my eyes and looked again, and he was gone."
Both: DUN DUN DUNNN!
Recording four: "I have found a lead. Apparently someone named Jade Frescan has Intel on some sort of secret area an eighth the size of the park underneath the park. It is referred to as 'SR142'. I don't know what that stands for, but it COULD be 'Secret Room 142' but you can never be sure.
Mirror: (Boyfriend): I mean, it could be "Science Rage 142" or "Super Rain 142", or…
I'm going to interview Jade tomorrow, and see what I can find..."
Recording five: "I interviewed Jade Frescan today, and she said that you can access this area by going up to the giant Donald Duck portrait in the main hall, and press his left eye twice, his left foot once, his right foot once, his left eye three times, and his right eye 1.
Dorkpool: That cheat code makes you invincible.
Then, the portrait rolls away like a hidden bookshelf with a secret area behind it. There, there is an elevator that leads to this secret area. I'm going to investigate this area tomorrow."
Recording six: "I went down in the area today. There, I saw some creepy stuff. There was a Mickey Mouse plush with its two eyeballs ripped out that sat on top of a box. Apparently, this belonged to Jade, but it was stolen while she was on shift at Duck Pond. Anyways, after a while of searching I found something I will...never un-see.
Mirror: (Boyfriend): "Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life."
Remember the hyperactive kid who made me trip back in recording three? Well I found him...dead...he was still like he was that night...his mouth was still covered with the frosting...and his hands were still covered with chocolate. However there was one difference, with the frosting and chocolate was a mix of...blood...it was sick.
Dorkpool: Remember, kids: don’t go nuts when eating chocolate, or you’ll die.
I will continue researching tomorrow...because with what I saw today...I really don't want to."
Recording seven: "I went back to the area today. I was on the search for anymore things like I saw yesterday. I didn't find much of what I was looking for...well I did find some interesting stuff but I can't put it...into words.
Mirror: (Boyfriend): I can put it…into GIFs.
Anyways, after a while, I smelled the stench of dead bodies. I followed the smell reluctantly, and found more dead children. These ones were the two I mentioned in recording three as the only two non-out of control kids at the party. Both were hung by a noose.
Dorkpool: So they were just hanging around?
Mirror: -smacks Dorkpool-
I left again, will go back tomorrow"
Recording eight: "I know who the killer is! His name is- (banging is heard) go away!
Mirror: Alright, put an APB out for (Banging is heard) Go away!
(More banging is heard) leave me be! (More banging is heard) He's after me! If anyone gets this, go down to SR142! (Door is heard broken down) oh no (stabbing is heard and the recording ends)
This startled me, and I located and talked to Jade Frescan. She told me all about where I needed to go, and about some safe down there with the combination of 1293. It apparently, in her words, would help end the investigation on this creepy Duck Pond.
Dorkpool: He’s dead.
After this, I immediately packed a back pack and snuck down to Duck Pond. I did the secret combination on the Donald Duck Portrait and went down to SR142. There, it was creepy. Old abandoned toys, mascot outfits, and storage boxes remained. The place had an unbearable odor, and I nearly puked.
There was random junk laying all around the place. I tripped on a metal pole.
Mirror: He had found Disney’s secret strip club.
When I got up, I saw a Donald Duck head staring at me. It didn't move, and it was just the remains of a costume without a body. Not going back, I continued my search.
The smell suddenly got about ten times worse, and I followed the sent to a little closed off room. I opened it, and saw something...horrible.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): "The Build-A-Bear Workshop Massacer!"
Dead bodies...tons of dead bodies...all lying down dead. I did a count, and there were 10. But the most spooky part was 4 children hung by ropes above the rest of them...were these the 4 main children killed by the Donald Duck Killer?
Mirror: Nah, they were Casey Anthony’s other kids.
After a small while, I found the safe Jade had told me of. I entered the combination, and it opened. I found a newspaper saying how some park named "Jack Sparrow's Super Sea" was closed down by the police for alleged 'suspicious activity', 'possible drugging guests', 'unsafe equipment', and 'The Jack Sparrow animatronic of the park being tampered with and causing many many problems'.
Dorkpool: Holy crap, this is "Five Nights At Freddy’s."
Then I found a file that said that all the Jack Sparrow's Super Sea's things would be turned into Donald Duck type media. This is gross negligence on Disney's part, as they know the things that were in Jack Sparrow's Super Sea were dangerous, but continued to reuse it, endangering the guests.
I left, and went to tell Jade what happened, but I found her dead in her room with a broken spine. I called the police, but by the time they arrived, she was already dead. After an investigation, it was ruled out that she died in an accident.
Mirror: Yep, she accidentally broke her spine. I did that on Thursday, actually. I hate when that happens. So inconvenient.
One thing I noticed was that in the picture of her dead, there was the eyeless Mickey Plush heard about in the audio recordings.
I went to interview Harold Fquo, who only was willing to tell me one thing about why he murdered those kids: "Disney made me do it".
Dorkpool: (Harold): Well, Disney and the flying penguins from Venus.
END RIFF
Dorkpool: This story sucks.
Mirror: Where the previous one takes things from lost episode stories, this one takes things from "Five Nights At Freddy’s." Seriously. There are dead children, malfunctioning animatronics, exposition via recordings, and a place closed down due to, in part, malfunctioning equipment. Like I said, FNAF. As for the parts that weren’t taken from a video game (by the way, the whole thing with the Donald Duck portrait feels like it’s from a video game. Just saying), they really aren’t all that good. It’s not terrible, but it’s nothing really good. And the ending, when you think about it, is kind of confusing. Let’s say that this Harold guy is telling the truth. Why would Disney want to have a guy kill their target demographic? Disney is a corporation, and corporations want to make money. Having a guy kill off people who end up giving them money is stupid. Also, if word got out about their deaths, this might scare parents, and Disney loses money. If he were lying, fine, that makes some sense. He’s probably nuts. I can get that. However, I feel like the writer meant that Disney made the guy do it. Which is stupid, and, as a scare, doesn’t work. Hell, when it comes to scares, Photonegative Mickey was scarier, and he’s just a Photoshop filter. I should also mention that, like its predecessor, this story ignores reality, since Duck Pond, as the author talks about it, doesn’t exist. I wouldn’t be harping on this except that the story this is a spin-off of, "Abandoned By Disney," actually had a park that existed. There’s not a whole lot of characterization on display, which is pretty standard for most stories here. There are also some typos in the story, like the writer saying "bellow" instead of "below". Rather than point our attention down, I think that there’s yelling going on.
Dorkpool: There are some good things. For the most part, the spelling and grammar is decent (outside of the minor typos, and even those don’t impede understanding of the story). The story isn’t very long, so it’s not a drag to read. Other than that, there’s not much that’s good. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish that we would be killed by a guy named Harold? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tick…
Tock…
Tick…
Tock…
Despite her impeded vision, she saw him. The man in armor.
Tick…
Tock…
She had been making her nightly rounds. She always started at nine o’clock, p.m., sharp, and ended her rounds at five o’clock, a.m. She always did this, at the same time, every day, like clockwork.
Tick…
She had noticed someone…different. A man – probably a man, based on his build – in black armor with a bone-white head. He had attracted her curiousity, and she went to investigate this man.
Tock…
Exactly five point two seconds after approaching him (silently and from behind, no less!), she had ended up embedded in a brick wall.
Tick…
Her left eye – her clock eye – was cracked (making her come to regret putting the damn thing in her head), and the vision in her right eye wasn’t anything to write home about. Her world was spinning. At least she was able to get a better look at the man’s head. It looked like a skull, oddly enough. Well, based on what she could see through her working eye. As it was, it looked like there were three of him.
Tock…
She managed to get her knife, and say, "Your time is up," in a rather weak voice. The man just laughed. It wasn’t loud, and it wasn’t long, but it was definitely a laugh.
"No, my dear," he said, then punched her in the face.
Tick…
"Your time is up."
Tock…
Mirror: At least it’s not a reboot…
Dorkpool: True, since it feels like Hollywood has done those to death (If you don’t agree, I have to say Hulk, Star Trek, Ghostbusters, Spider-Man, Batman, Superman, and do I need to go on?). However, I’m still not thrilled about this story, "SR142."
Mirror: You and me both.
Dorkpool: Anyway, let’s punch in cheat codes, and Riff this bitch!
START RIFF
It had been two months since my previous investigation of the abandoned Duck Pond park.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): In that time, I’ve found out that the park doesn’t exist.
I stopped because I didn't really have any reason to continue.
Mirror: And yet there’s a sequel.
Dorkpool: The "Jaws" sequels in a nutshell.
Well that was before I found out that my Aunt had some audio recordings of her deceased boyfriend's investigation of the place that he recorded before he died. Apparently he did some investigation of his own after the 4 children were murdered. I had asked my aunt for the audio recordings for at least a month, but she would never let me have it.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): I had to threaten to break her knees to get them.
Thirsty for knowledge on Disney's plots, I stole the audio tapes from her. They are bellow:
Recording one:
Mirror: (Boyfriend): Welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza.
"Uh hello...I was a former worker at Duck Pond. After the 4 children were murdered there, I decided to do some investigation...I'm gonna go check out the place tomorrow."
Recording two: "Hello...I entered the abandoned Duck Pond today.
Dorkpool: (Boyfriend): I’m being followed by living Mickey suits now.
I haven't really found anything, and I had to leave early because I heard footsteps, and I don't want to get caught sneaking into the park. Tomorrow I will do some investigation, and tell you a story from when I worked there."
Mirror: (Boyfriend): It’s a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down.
Recording three: "Hello. I haven't found anything else, so I'll just tell you guys a story from when I worked there. There was a big big party at the park, and it was jammed packed. Once the party was half way done, there was a big feast. It was the most unhealthy thing I had ever seen...
Dorkpool: Charlie Sheen?
there was literally no healthy food, only sugary junk food. There were a lot of sugary food there, obviously...and a lot of young children there. So uh...you can see how this would escalate quickly.
Mirror: Well that escalated quickly.
There were children everywhere. These children were also the sloppiest eaters I have EVER seen. One child I remember ran up to me. He had icing all over his face, and chocolate and other sugary foods covering his hands, and he grabbed my leg. He was twitching so fast and was so jittery that I literally lost balance and fell down.
Dorkpool: (Boyfriend): And that’s why all those kids are dead now.
Most children were like that too, literally only two weren't. But one of the said two was just a little bit spazzing and hyper, and the other was still super hyped up, he just wasn't covered in sweets. Not one child was calm. The only reason I was telling this story, is that when I got up after I lost balance and fell, I looked to the side and saw a man in a Donald suit. His mask was covered in...blood. I rubbed my eyes and looked again, and he was gone."
Both: DUN DUN DUNNN!
Recording four: "I have found a lead. Apparently someone named Jade Frescan has Intel on some sort of secret area an eighth the size of the park underneath the park. It is referred to as 'SR142'. I don't know what that stands for, but it COULD be 'Secret Room 142' but you can never be sure.
Mirror: (Boyfriend): I mean, it could be "Science Rage 142" or "Super Rain 142", or…
I'm going to interview Jade tomorrow, and see what I can find..."
Recording five: "I interviewed Jade Frescan today, and she said that you can access this area by going up to the giant Donald Duck portrait in the main hall, and press his left eye twice, his left foot once, his right foot once, his left eye three times, and his right eye 1.
Dorkpool: That cheat code makes you invincible.
Then, the portrait rolls away like a hidden bookshelf with a secret area behind it. There, there is an elevator that leads to this secret area. I'm going to investigate this area tomorrow."
Recording six: "I went down in the area today. There, I saw some creepy stuff. There was a Mickey Mouse plush with its two eyeballs ripped out that sat on top of a box. Apparently, this belonged to Jade, but it was stolen while she was on shift at Duck Pond. Anyways, after a while of searching I found something I will...never un-see.
Mirror: (Boyfriend): "Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life."
Remember the hyperactive kid who made me trip back in recording three? Well I found him...dead...he was still like he was that night...his mouth was still covered with the frosting...and his hands were still covered with chocolate. However there was one difference, with the frosting and chocolate was a mix of...blood...it was sick.
Dorkpool: Remember, kids: don’t go nuts when eating chocolate, or you’ll die.
I will continue researching tomorrow...because with what I saw today...I really don't want to."
Recording seven: "I went back to the area today. I was on the search for anymore things like I saw yesterday. I didn't find much of what I was looking for...well I did find some interesting stuff but I can't put it...into words.
Mirror: (Boyfriend): I can put it…into GIFs.
Anyways, after a while, I smelled the stench of dead bodies. I followed the smell reluctantly, and found more dead children. These ones were the two I mentioned in recording three as the only two non-out of control kids at the party. Both were hung by a noose.
Dorkpool: So they were just hanging around?
Mirror: -smacks Dorkpool-
I left again, will go back tomorrow"
Recording eight: "I know who the killer is! His name is- (banging is heard) go away!
Mirror: Alright, put an APB out for (Banging is heard) Go away!
(More banging is heard) leave me be! (More banging is heard) He's after me! If anyone gets this, go down to SR142! (Door is heard broken down) oh no (stabbing is heard and the recording ends)
This startled me, and I located and talked to Jade Frescan. She told me all about where I needed to go, and about some safe down there with the combination of 1293. It apparently, in her words, would help end the investigation on this creepy Duck Pond.
Dorkpool: He’s dead.
After this, I immediately packed a back pack and snuck down to Duck Pond. I did the secret combination on the Donald Duck Portrait and went down to SR142. There, it was creepy. Old abandoned toys, mascot outfits, and storage boxes remained. The place had an unbearable odor, and I nearly puked.
There was random junk laying all around the place. I tripped on a metal pole.
Mirror: He had found Disney’s secret strip club.
When I got up, I saw a Donald Duck head staring at me. It didn't move, and it was just the remains of a costume without a body. Not going back, I continued my search.
The smell suddenly got about ten times worse, and I followed the sent to a little closed off room. I opened it, and saw something...horrible.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): "The Build-A-Bear Workshop Massacer!"
Dead bodies...tons of dead bodies...all lying down dead. I did a count, and there were 10. But the most spooky part was 4 children hung by ropes above the rest of them...were these the 4 main children killed by the Donald Duck Killer?
Mirror: Nah, they were Casey Anthony’s other kids.
After a small while, I found the safe Jade had told me of. I entered the combination, and it opened. I found a newspaper saying how some park named "Jack Sparrow's Super Sea" was closed down by the police for alleged 'suspicious activity', 'possible drugging guests', 'unsafe equipment', and 'The Jack Sparrow animatronic of the park being tampered with and causing many many problems'.
Dorkpool: Holy crap, this is "Five Nights At Freddy’s."
Then I found a file that said that all the Jack Sparrow's Super Sea's things would be turned into Donald Duck type media. This is gross negligence on Disney's part, as they know the things that were in Jack Sparrow's Super Sea were dangerous, but continued to reuse it, endangering the guests.
I left, and went to tell Jade what happened, but I found her dead in her room with a broken spine. I called the police, but by the time they arrived, she was already dead. After an investigation, it was ruled out that she died in an accident.
Mirror: Yep, she accidentally broke her spine. I did that on Thursday, actually. I hate when that happens. So inconvenient.
One thing I noticed was that in the picture of her dead, there was the eyeless Mickey Plush heard about in the audio recordings.
I went to interview Harold Fquo, who only was willing to tell me one thing about why he murdered those kids: "Disney made me do it".
Dorkpool: (Harold): Well, Disney and the flying penguins from Venus.
END RIFF
Dorkpool: This story sucks.
Mirror: Where the previous one takes things from lost episode stories, this one takes things from "Five Nights At Freddy’s." Seriously. There are dead children, malfunctioning animatronics, exposition via recordings, and a place closed down due to, in part, malfunctioning equipment. Like I said, FNAF. As for the parts that weren’t taken from a video game (by the way, the whole thing with the Donald Duck portrait feels like it’s from a video game. Just saying), they really aren’t all that good. It’s not terrible, but it’s nothing really good. And the ending, when you think about it, is kind of confusing. Let’s say that this Harold guy is telling the truth. Why would Disney want to have a guy kill their target demographic? Disney is a corporation, and corporations want to make money. Having a guy kill off people who end up giving them money is stupid. Also, if word got out about their deaths, this might scare parents, and Disney loses money. If he were lying, fine, that makes some sense. He’s probably nuts. I can get that. However, I feel like the writer meant that Disney made the guy do it. Which is stupid, and, as a scare, doesn’t work. Hell, when it comes to scares, Photonegative Mickey was scarier, and he’s just a Photoshop filter. I should also mention that, like its predecessor, this story ignores reality, since Duck Pond, as the author talks about it, doesn’t exist. I wouldn’t be harping on this except that the story this is a spin-off of, "Abandoned By Disney," actually had a park that existed. There’s not a whole lot of characterization on display, which is pretty standard for most stories here. There are also some typos in the story, like the writer saying "bellow" instead of "below". Rather than point our attention down, I think that there’s yelling going on.
Dorkpool: There are some good things. For the most part, the spelling and grammar is decent (outside of the minor typos, and even those don’t impede understanding of the story). The story isn’t very long, so it’s not a drag to read. Other than that, there’s not much that’s good. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish that we would be killed by a guy named Harold? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tick…
Tock…
Tick…
Tock…
Despite her impeded vision, she saw him. The man in armor.
Tick…
Tock…
She had been making her nightly rounds. She always started at nine o’clock, p.m., sharp, and ended her rounds at five o’clock, a.m. She always did this, at the same time, every day, like clockwork.
Tick…
She had noticed someone…different. A man – probably a man, based on his build – in black armor with a bone-white head. He had attracted her curiousity, and she went to investigate this man.
Tock…
Exactly five point two seconds after approaching him (silently and from behind, no less!), she had ended up embedded in a brick wall.
Tick…
Her left eye – her clock eye – was cracked (making her come to regret putting the damn thing in her head), and the vision in her right eye wasn’t anything to write home about. Her world was spinning. At least she was able to get a better look at the man’s head. It looked like a skull, oddly enough. Well, based on what she could see through her working eye. As it was, it looked like there were three of him.
Tock…
She managed to get her knife, and say, "Your time is up," in a rather weak voice. The man just laughed. It wasn’t loud, and it wasn’t long, but it was definitely a laugh.
"No, my dear," he said, then punched her in the face.
Tick…
"Your time is up."
Tock…