Sylvia: As much as I try to forget, yes.
Mirror: Do you remember his brother with the completely out of place name?
Sylvia: Yeah. He died, right?
Mirror: That’s what the original story would have you believe. But according to the story we’re Riffing today, “Homicidal Liu,” that’s a lie.
Sylvia: Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, this is gonna hurt.
Mirror: Yes, it will. But let’s stay strong, and Riff this bitch.
Liu Woods is the older brother of Jeffery Woods he is extremely dangerous, unless of course, you are not within the profile of the people who usually kill.
Mirror: (Liu): I like to kill people who like long walks on the beach…
It all started one night, the night that Jeff Woods went completely crazy and murdered his parents and his beloved brother Liu Woods, when Jeff stopped being the boy he was and became a soulless monster with the pure desire to kill. But really had his brother Liu died after receiving multiple cuts and stab wounds?
Sylvia: We can hope.
No, I survived the attack of my brother,
Mirror: Hello, random point of view change!
as punishment I crawled like a vile worm,
Sylvia: Two things: first, punishment for what? Second, who the fuck says, “vile worm?”
to bleed every inch that I ran, I felt like my lungs were exploding like I was drowning in my own blood, as my heart broke with effort, but I continued with the strength of my desperation and anger toward Jeff, then everything went black for me, I fainted.
Mirror: Why does this seem like it’d be in the poetry of an angsty teenager?
It took me a long time to wake up, I was in a fairly lit room and was full of tubes and medicine, I felt my body but I just couldn't talk, couldn't eat, I was fed through a tube, breathing through an artificial lung, I could barely make out who I was, I just heard a doctor talking to the nurse saying,"This patient will not survive, he needs many transplants, his left lung collapsed, his heart is very delicate and kidneys are failing, it is almost impossible to survive."
Sylvia: You say that he most likely won’t make it, but we still have a lot of story left to go.
Those words took away all hope of surviving what had happened.
The day came that I would need transplants, and as I could not speak and was still pretty sedated, I could not express my joy at that moment, so, I saved it for when I recovered.
Mirror: (Liu): But I never recovered and died. The end!
The nurse said,"Hi, I'm Susan, I wish you the best of luck, you're very strong, barely survived that assassination attempt, I personally want to take care of you, because I greatly admire your strength, I would like that when you ever get out of the hospital." She kissed my cheek and blushed, I could not deny it she was a very beautiful girl, but I didn't know if I would live.
Sylvia: First, lady, you barely even know the dude. And isn’t he 15 or so? So wouldn’t this be pedophilia or something? And second, dude, the story has your name. You’re gonna survive.
It's time, time where you decide to live or die. The doctor told that as being a young man I was very strong and had survived so long, I was likely to survive,
Mirror: God dammit.
I put the mask on and fell asleep, but, why even being asleep I felt what they did to me? At that moment, I felt a cold blade pierce the side of my heart, the first cut was the most painful then something opened my skin, the pain was more intense with each passing second, each cut was more painful than the last, but the most painful was when it started cutting out my heart out of my body, that moment was just the beginning of my torture, hours of excruciating pain, every cut, every part of my body, every suture, all the pain through my body destroyed what little sanity I had left, until it shattered.
Sylvia: (Liu): I felt only pain, and suffering, and even more pain. PAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIN!
I spent days in that bed unable to move, unable to speak, I only heard the voice of that nurse, Susan was with me day and night, talking to me, telling me to resist, she wanted me to live, I wanted to know really and hoped to talk to her and hear my voice.
Mirror: Well, if he lives, she’s in for some disappointment.
I spent a week and more often she went, came and sang to me,read to me, but one day before they moved my body I said," I want to wake up." I started to feel as my body manages to open my eyes and I saw her, she cried with joy to see me wake up, I said,"Hi Susan, I'm Liu Woods." She was shocked, said,"Seriously, your.....brother Jeff Woods? He was here for a while, he is really bad,
Sylvia: So is his story.
but I found out he went crazy and killed your family, how did you survive Liu?
Mirror: Through multiple transplants and surgery. You were there, you idiot.
I also found out he kidnapped a child and bleached and burned the house and escaped from there and has not been seen since, but in this house, well, what's left of it, all that was found were two bodies, they say the girl survived but they do not know what happened to you brother Jeff, some said it took him, but in the room where his brother slept, that is, where you slept they found written in blood on the wall "Go To Sleep" and written in the bathroom mirror "Smile", I'm really sorry for the death of your parents, really, and as I do not think you want to return to that place, you want to stay in my house for a while?
Sylvia: -starts playing “Careless Whisper”-
Mirror: I’m still amazed you have that saxophone on you.
Sylvia: I like to be prepared for anything.
Well, when you get out of recovery, I live alone since my parents died in a car accident, so I have an extra room."
Mirror: Ok, seriously, how old are you? I’m assuming that since you live on your own, you’re over 18. You also have a job, or most likely some unpaid work experience position (your nursing position). Unless you went to school to become a nurse. Now, assuming you graduated high school at 18, and nursing school is 2-3 years, you’d be 21. Even if nursing school isn’t as long, you’re still a bit older than Liu. Remember, Jeff was 13 in the original story, Liu was 15 or 16, and this one takes place directly after. Liu hasn’t aged. So this is a 15 or 16 year old that is somehow highly attractive to an 18-21 year old.
Sylvia: …you put way too much thought into that.
Mirror: Well someone has to, because the author clearly didn’t!
I accepted Susan's offer, said," When I leave here, I want to take you to dinner, wherever you want, just, I need one day for you to come with me to my old home to pick up my clothes, but I don't think their still there." Accept with some trepidation. The following day she visited me everyday,
we laughed together, we were very close, almost seemed like we were a couple, so I said that if you wanted to be my girlfriend, she said,
Mirror: (Susan): Liu, you’re still a minor. I think we’re kind of on shaky legal ground here.
" Liu, I want to be your girlfriend, I was going to ask but didn't know how." She approached me and we kissed. I was so happy, things were looking up for me, she would be my new family.
Sylvia: She’s dead.
Mirror: Yeah, totally.
I left the hospital, it was my first day out, Susan greeted me with open arms, as it was day,
Mirror: What’s today? IT WAS DAY.
I told her we need to get my clothes from my old home, I said," Yes, but you have to bring something to protect us
Sylvia: (Susan): Don’t worry, I brought a condom!
if my brother is still lying around."
Sylvia: (Susan): Oh, right.
she said," Okay, I got a couple butcher knifes, a syringe, some painkillers, also some equipment for emergencies in case we need suturing, you or me, if any glass that causes a wound needs stitches, a gallon of water and two glasses, as we get thirsty."
Mirror: Well, one of you is rather thirsty.
We went to my house and picked up everything I needed, plus a bag to carry my stuff. Back to my old home, I said,"Fear not, all will be well."
Sylvia: “Fear not?” Who the fuck do you think you are? Captain Stick-Up-Your-Ass?
I kissed her to calm her down, I kicked open the door, we walked in and saw that the walls of my house were covered with blood, the blood of my parents, in the kitchen we saw a gallon of gas, a vacuum of bleach,
Mirror: Ummm…what’s a vacuum of bleach?
and some matches bottle, we continue touring the house, we see the bathroom, which the door was open and saw the mirror with the phrase "Smile" written in blood,
Sylvia: Is this Jeff the Killer who did this or the Joker?
the sink and floor was covered in blood, we see my parents room and the bed sheets covered in blood, my whole house was just full of blood at the end, we entered the most disturbing part of the house: My room. The phrase "Go To Sleep" was written with my blood on the wall, as Susan said. I looked in my closet my belongings, my laptop, my mp3, my phone, and my phone was not covered in blood,
Mirror: Wait, this stuff is still here? Wouldn’t this have been taken by the cops as evidence?
Sylvia: Well –
Mirror: Oh, right, this story takes place in the same universe as “Jeff the Killer.” The cops are fucking morons.
when I turned to see my room, I remembered Jeff's disturbing face watching me with those eyes full of madness holding a bloody knife in his hand saying "Shhh, just go to sleep." That memory is what ended up breaking what little sanity I had left,
Sylvia: I thought the pain did that. Make up your mind!
I told Susan to give me the bag were we had the supplies, I went to the bathroom, took one of the knifes and said,"Jeff....I'll see you damned in hell when we die."
I finished the sentence, spooked to Susan, then kissed her, I said,"Goodbye, my love, but I want to see Jeff to get back to what made me, revenge that he killed my parents and almost killed me, I love you Susan but, like I can not see after I die, I regret this very much." I was going to stab, but, no, I did not, I would not become Jeff,
Mirror: If it makes you feel any better, in terms of story, you’re much worse.
I begged Susan to forgive me, to got to my old home I was concerned, she said," Okay Liu, I love you, and I know how getting so close to death can affect you, let's go home." She kissed me, we ordered a taxi and went home.
As I bathed, I remembered all the times I spent with my family, Mom, Dad, my childhood with Jeff, the pranks we did, everything we had together, the joy of having my family close by, I began to mourn, but the sound of the falling water drowned my sobs.
Sylvia: Rain. Just say rain.
The first night was somewhat traumatic for me. In my nightmares I could see Jeff as before the accident as I was being brutally murdered by the new Jeff,
Mirror: New Improved Jeff! The New Jeff is much more whiny and useless! The old Jeff had some humanity and relatability, but the New Jeff is only a vehicle for shitty stories and gay shipping! The New Jeff! Now available for 3 purchases of $19.99! Call now!
then turned to face me and said,"Liu, why did you not go to sleep like I asked?" I woke up with a terrible fright, Susan was running to my room, she said,"What happened to you? Are you okay?" I replied,"Yeah...it was just a nightmare, don't worry."
The next day, when I woke up, I smelled a scent that has long not been enjoyed, it was the smell of pancakes freshly made,
Sylvia: Wait, is this Liu or Deadpool?
I went into the dining room and there was Susan, preparing breakfast, as mom did, I sat down and began to eat, how much time had passed since eating pancakes made with love? I don't know, but the taste....it was so nice, I felt loved once again, but happiness does not last long,
Mirror: Of course not.
I was going crazy, everyday that passed, Susan reminded me more and more of mom,
Sylvia: Ummm…are we getting into sort of incest territory?
so I took a kitchen knife, ran to her room, she was ready to go out with me on a date, she looked so beautiful, I didn't feel able to kill, not, not without knowing how much I loved her, not without feeling love one last time in my life....I love her, but I was becoming crazier, but increasingly I could live without a knife in the heart, could not be so, I did not kill her, but there was no other option, or I thought.
Mirror: Didn’t we just go through this? Christ, just kill her or shut the fuck out about it.
Now leaving the theater, we walked home, i said,"I love you so much Susan, but there is something inside me that is....killing me, so I want you to know that I love you." After the phrase, scumbag came out of an alley and he took Susan's bag after wounding her, he stormed off,
Sylvia: Is Liu going to become Batman now?
Mirror: No…with all the whining, he’ll become Spider-Man.
I wanted to kill him for hurting Susan, I chased him with the knife I had in my jacket, I dragged him into the alley where he stole the bag from my beloved, in front of her I forced him to apologize, but it was still not enough, I wanted to take his life, but before this, I told Susan "Run, I don't want you to see this, I love you Susan!" She ran as far as she could, when I knew it was time, I told the guy,"I will not forgive you for hurting Susan, she is so good, so pure, hurting someone is a very serious crime, so, I take your life, and only then you will pay for hurting her."
Mirror: (Scumbag): Listen, I know I should be scared here, but the way you talk is so stilted and awkward that I can’t help but laugh.
I raised the knife and started to stab him repeatedly, I could only see suffering in the eyes of the man, but still I kept stabbing him until he died of multiple stab wounds,
Sylvia: Are you sure he’s dead? After all, multiple stab wounds don’t seem to be fatal in this universe.
wiped the blood from my leather jacket, which was a bit stained luckily, so it was easy to hide the fact that I killed the thief then I left the alley and met up with Susan in the corner cafe taking a good strong espresso.
Mirror: Just had a traumatic experience? Have some espresso.
She was fine, the manager bandaged her wound, I thanked him, brought Susan home very carefully, took her to her room and laid her down on her bed, I said,"Susan, I did not want this to happen to you, but I....I've noticed one thing, I will not let anyone hurt you, starting today, you'll never be afraid, no one will ever hurt you, I swear."
Sylvia: Yep, she’s 100% totally gonna die.
I kissed and went to take a shower, I realized I could not kill her, she was all I had in the world, she was the only person I loved, but I enjoyed killing the guy in the alley, but I could not kill anyone, I decided to just kill the people that hurt the innocent people, and above all, I would kill anyone that try to hurt Susan.
Days passed, and over time I killed more people,
Mirror: Jesus, how many people have tried hurting this lady?
but it was annoying to have pants covered in blood, so I bought leather pants then killing was less annoying, jacket and trousers, both of leather, which could be easily cleaned with white gas I had bought a while ago.
Sylvia: White gas? What the…oh, forget it.
Killing became an increasingly boring habit, killing with simple stabbing got repetitive, so I began using modes more twisted every time, some were burned alive with gasoline, others were operated on without anesthesia, others were forced to eat their own guts, others were cut into pieces and given to stray dogs, but I never killed any innocent, killing criminals and thugs does that not make me a hero?
Mirror: Actually, it makes you a vigilante. A really fucked up vigilante.
Making criminals suffer the most horrible deaths, everyday using more horrible and twisted ways to kill, came home, cleaned my clothes from the blood of criminals and spent quality time with Susan, until one day, I invited her to dinner, as I had a job as a cook in a restaurant, earning well, but I took her to a beautiful place, in the light of the candles, I said," Susan, we've been together for almost a year, I know your the love of my life, I could not live without you, I want to propose something." I got on my knees and pulled a ring from my bag "Will you marry me?"
Sylvia: YOU ARE 16 OR 17 YEARS OLD. YOU SHOULD NOT BE GETTING MARRIED. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
She was excited, and with tears in her eyes, she said,"Liu, I want to marry you." We left the restaurant, I had not felt so happy in my entire life, but damn came with a gun and shot her.
Mirror: Damn? What the fuck does that even mean?
I was filled with anger and hate, but I could not leave Susan there alone, bleeding, dying, I ran and took her to the nearest hospital, the doctors told me "This is delicate, she may not wake, you should expect the worst." I went to get the damn who shot her, I never forgot the face, spent hours walking the streets until I found him, I hit him nearly senseless and said,"You will give me your life you bastard, because of you my Susan is on the verge of death, and you will pay with your life."
Sylvia: (Damn): Oh, damn.
He died in the time I finished the sentence.
I arrived at the hospital, the doctor said Susan was awake, he was talking to her. Susan saw me and said,"Liu? Is that you? I'm glade you came, I hope to resist as well as you managed to resist what happened to you, I love you Liu I don't want to die, but if I do I don't want you to kill yourself,
Mirror: Why would you think he would?
I love you to much for you to die for me, I know what you did, I know you kill criminals, and although your methods are not very noble, the mission you have is, do not stop doing what you do Liu."
We spent an hour talking, in which I said everything I needed to say, I did not lose it, I do not want to lose the only person left that I love in this world. The doctor came in and said,"We need to operate Mr.Woods." She was taken to the operating room, I waited for three hours that seemed eternal, I wanted to gouge out my eyes out of despair,
Sylvia: Wrong Creepypasta, man.
but hope that Susan will survive kept me going. When the operation was finished, the doctor took care of everything and he said,"The operation was a success, she is stable, she'll stay to recover for two weeks and then she may leave the hospital." Those words touched me so much, I felt so peaceful knowing that Susan would be fine.
Mirror: No she won’t.
I was in her room all day waiting for to wake, she woke up and said,"Who are you and where are my mom and dad?" Those words left me with sadness, Susan had forgotten me, but she had to remember me when she recovered, I took her to the hospital where we met she said,"Are you Liu? You have changed." She began to remember, I took her to my old house, and she remembered why we were there, I took her to all the significant places for us during the week, until we reached the restaurant where I proposed, she remembered everything, I hugged her and she told me,"Liu, I remember it all, thank you for being with me until I regained my memory."
Sylvia: So she just lost her memory, and got it back in a few sentences? What was even the point of that?
I said,"You did the same for me, I owe you a lot Susan." I kissed her, but then she started convulsing, it scared me and I took her back to the hospital, I could not go on, but I loved her.
I didn't leave the hospital, I was there to wait for the news from the doctor, and he said,"I'm sorry sir, but your girlfriend has died."
Mirror: Wow! What a shock! That totally was not at all expected!
That phrase filled me with sadness and hatred, I took the doctor by the neck and broke it, there was no reason to hold back, I started to kill everyone in that hospital, men, women, children and the sick, I killed them all, I could not bear to let them live and my Susan not, she shouldn't have died like that, I would not let that happen, but it was inevitable, my clothes was covered in the blood of the innocent,
Sylvia: Good thing they’re leather.
my hands were covered in blood and my eyes have changed, so I decided to do something, I went for a knife and started to cut a heart in my chest with the initials of Susan and her time of death, our anniversary, and the date on which we met, then I went for a needle and thread and I sewed the ends of my lips into a smile, for anyone to see that I suffer on the inside,
Mirror: And this shows that how…?
when I finished, I went home, took my leather clothing and things that I used for killing, and got out of there, never to return, now I live by killing all of those who are happy,
Sylvia: So after this story, we’re safe.
because if Susan was alive no one would deserve happiness more, but when you see me, run and do not show your happiness, or you will die in such a ruthless and twisted form, which your body may not be distinguishable as it was before meeting me, the murder Liu and survivor of Jeff the Killer.
Mirror: I think you need to add an “unfortunately” after “survivor of Jeff the Killer.”
Mirror: This story is just awful.
Sylvia: The grammar is godawful. The characters have no real character, except for Liu, and his character seems to be whiny bitch. Most of the story is him whining, or saying he wants to kill Susan, or loves Susan, or blah, blah, blah. Susan, the other main character, has no real character. She is literally there to be a romantic interest and end up dying. Which would be fine, but again, no character. You feel nothing for her because you can’t connect with her at all, so when she dies, you don’t feel sad. This character doesn’t exist to be a character; she only exists to fill a role. Back to Liu, why did this story have to be about him? Wouldn’t it make sense for a story like this to be about Liu wanting to kill Jeff or something? But no, this story has almost no connection to Jeff the Killer. So, why bother making it about Liu? Now, if Jeff were to kill Susan, that would make some sense. But nope, some random damn did so. By the way, damn? I…author, did you even read this after you wrote it? Also, some parts of the story aren’t needed at all. Like, the whole scene where Susan lost her memory wasn’t at all necessary, and just dragged the story along. And a lot of it is rather stupid and/or confusing. For example, the age difference between Susan and Liu; Liu going back to his old house and finding his old stuff there; the entire “Susan loses her memory” scene; this story being about Liu; the “damn”; the surgery scene; and how Liu was able to secure the places and tools for his vigilante activities (so, did he rent a hospital room to perform surgeries on criminals, or what?). So…yeah. What is even the hell?
Mirror: There are one or two good things. The spelling is somewhat decent, and the idea of one of Jeff knockoffs becoming a vigilante instead of a serial killer is somewhat unique for a Jeff Formula story (but only for this, really). And, admittedly, the idea of Liu surviving could, in the hands of a capable writer, be pretty decent. Other than that, the story sucks. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish one of us would be shot by a damn? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.