Sylvia: -sigh- Why do so many of these exist?
Mirror: Not exactly sure. But it gives us something to do. So, let’s use random timestamps and Riff this bitch!
Jenna and Julia were sitting on the bus to school, and they heard from their class teacher that two new kids had transferred to the school; siblings.
Mirror: (Narrator): And assholes.
Two new friends, they thought, girls in particular. Well, they had met their "friends" earlier and didn't even know it.
Sylvia: Pfft. Some friends.
Just as the bus came to the last bus stop, three boys were on the ground, bleeding, and moaning in pain. One was super skinny and the other one was huge. The normal one wore an Aeropostale shirt and blue jeans. To the left, they saw two kids running away, almost as if it was a hit and run. The bus driver stopped and got off the bus to help the three boys on the ground.
One of the eighth graders had her cell phone and called 911.
Mirror: No, sorry, I can’t believe that.
Sylvia: What, that an eighth grader has a cell phone?
Mirror: No, that an eighth grader would use a cell phone to call someone.
School started, and soon enough, the two girls they were hoping to meet, weren't exactly girls.
Sylvia: Well, they are after the surgery.
Well, they were boys, to put it simple. From behind, they just looked like two gangsters. The taller one, had a white hoodie, and black pants that looked like he forgot to pull them up this morning.
"Class, we have two brand new additions to our classroom!" said the teacher as she walked her way over to the kids. They were fairly quiet and looked straight at the ground, until the teacher asked for their names.
Mirror: (Jeff): I’m Mister White Christmas, I’m Mister Snow…
I'm Jeff," said the kid in the hoodie as he took it off. He had brown long hair and looked around 14.
"You honey, what's your name?" said the teacher looking at the other kid.
"Well, Jeff and Liu, you will be sure to enjoy your time in your new school!"
Sylvia: “School” and “enjoy” aren’t words that can go logically go together in a sentence.
The class went on, and then first period came.
Jenna was more of the confident, and if you will, 'party' type of girl. Julia, on the other hand, was more quiet and focused mostly on school. Jenna walked over to Jeff and stuck her hand out.
"Hi, I'm Jenna!" she said. Jeff turned around, and thought about it.
Mirror: (Jeff): Shit! A fangirl!
"I hope she doesn't realize I got in a fight..." thought Jeff.
He stuck his hand out and shook it, but he forgot something.
Sylvia: (Narrator): His hand.
When he had stabbed Keith in the arm, the blood had smeared all over his hand and arm. When Jenna noticed the blood, she gasped and Jeff immediately removed his hand.
"Listen, I really got to go," said Jeff as he backed away. She looked at him run away in the opposite direction and then just... vanish into the crowded hallway of students. She was in love with Jeff almost instantly from when she saw those amazing eyes.
Mirror: And there went any hope I had of this story being good.
14:35 (2:35 PM)
With no sign of Jeff or Liu in any other of her classes, Jenna became more... skeptical. Jeff didn't seem normal. The way he just greeted her and vanished was just odd.
Sylvia: No shit.
14:40 (2:40 PM)
Jenna rode the bus home and saw Jeff and Liu walking into a house; probably theirs.
Mirror: (Narrator): Actually Michael Jackson’s.
She noticed that the house was new, and just two blocks down from where Jenna lived. She decided to go visit him to see if everything was alright.
14:55 (2:55 PM)
Jenna got home and noticed both parents weren't home. No cars in the driveway, no one in the house, she locked the front door, took the keys and walked down to Jeff And Liu's house. She ringed the doorbell and patiently waited. Margaret opened the door (Margaret was the name of Jeff's mother)
Sylvia: (Narrator): Because, honestly, it’s one of the most motherly names out there.
and said hi to Jenna.
"Is there something I can help you with?" said Margaret.
Mirror: (Jenna): Can I fuck your son?
"Oh, I was just wondering if Jeff and Liu were alright."
"Yes," said Margaret. "Why wouldn't they be?"
"Oh, never mind." Jenna says goodbye and walks back up to her house.
Two Days Later (Jenna's POV)
Two days have passed. I have not seen from Jeff or Liu, I think I should go down to see what's up.
Sylvia: (Jenna): I’m hoping it’s Jeff’s dick.
Upon leaving my house, I saw Jeff and his parents crossing the street. I decided to peek over the fence and I saw Jeff talking to a little kid. He offered Jeff a toy gun and a hat. Jeff resisted at first, but put it on anyway. I proceeded to the window and overheard Jeff's mother talking to all the other kid's mothers about Liu, and about him being sent to the Juvenile Detention Center. I heard the sound of rolling wheels and immediately looked back to see three kids on skateboards. They didn't see me though, and they jumped the fence. I looked back over the fence and then the fight began.
Mirror: Hey, Sylvia, can you play the Star Trek Original Series fight theme on your saxophone?
Sylvia: I don’t think so.
Mirror: The Mortal Kombat theme?
Sylvia: I doubt it.
Mirror: Then why even have a saxophone?
Sylvia: -hits Mirror with her saxophone-
Sylvia: That’s why.
I walked into the house, and no one noticed me since they were all primarily focused on Jeff. Kids were screaming, parents were leaving as Troy and Keith pulled guns out of their pockets. Randy had pulled the knife out and had stabbed Jeff in the arm. He fell to the ground, and that's when Jeff noticed that I was the only one who didn't run out.
I ran to the kitchen and looked for a weapon. I found a knife and quickly went behind Troy who was outside. I stabbed him in the back, but it was no use.
Sylvia: Maybe it would’ve worked if his name was Caesar.
He turned around and punched me straight in the face. He picked me up and threw me against the wall. He pulled the gun out, he was right about to finish me off, when Randy had called for Troy. No way in hell I was going back in. I left the house and ran back up to my house. My parents saw the blood on my face. I passed out, and I don't remember what happened.
"I just woke up. I'm in my bed this very second. I am using the text-to-speech option on my iPhone... I don't know why I passed out.
Mirror: And I don’t know why you’re using text-to-speech on your iPhone. Guess we’re both in the dark.
About two minutes ago, I received a call from Julia and she sounded scared. She started talking and stopped at the 30 second mark. Ever since I started talking, I've heard strange creaks and groans coming from my house.
Sylvia: And…she’s dead.
Figuring it's just the old house, I'm just ignoring it. Hold on, someone just tapped on my window. Oh M-" She dropped the phone and the phone snapped a picture right when the curtain opened.
Mirror: Did she just say that last sentence?
The following audio was sounds of a knife stabbing repetitively and screaming. The recording went silent for a moment.
"YOU'RE NEXT" was clearly heard followed by a loud bang. And then, the recording stopped.
Sylvia: This concludes tonight’s episode of “Pointless Story Theater.”
Mirror: This story sucks.
Sylvia: The story is really entirely pointless. Like, if you didn’t read it you really wouldn’t have missed anything. It doesn’t add anything to Jeff’s story, except a girl who, for no real reason at all, falls in love with Jeff. Of course, the whole romance aspect doesn’t add anything at all to the story, since it’s never mentioned again. The character of Julia is completely pointless, since she only gets a few sentences devoted to her. She adds nothing to the story, and could easily be removed. And, hell, all Jenna does is stab someone in the back and get killed. And, speaking of characters, we know almost nothing about them. We’re told that Jenna’s an outgoing party girl, but we really don’t see that. The golden rule of show, don’t tell is violated here. But we don’t know much of anything about anyone, so we don’t feel anything for anyone when something happens. So, outside of the characters being pointless, there are also the pointless timestamps. Thank you for adding times to this story. I’d be lost without it. Also, why did the point of view suddenly change? Why not just make it Jenna’s point of view for the whole story? It already was, for the most part. So…why even bother changing it? Also, the ending itself is kind of weird. Why does Jenna decide to use text-to-speech on her iPhone? Why isn’t she calling the cops? Why was that part written that way? So many questions.
Mirror: There are some good things. The spelling and grammar are decent, the story isn’t too long so it doesn’t drag, and, honestly, the idea of rewriting the story of “Jeff the Killer” from someone else’s point of view might have some merit, if done right. However, the story is still incredibly flawed. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d record our final words on an iPhone? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.