This was the day he would die.
It was weird to think that it would be this day, in this way, that he would finally kick the bucket. For crying out loud, he built an empire. Shouldn’t he have died during his many conquests or something? Or hell, what about during his adventures with Dorkpool? (Though, admittedly, dying due to some haunted plush version of a character from an American anime would’ve been slightly less dignified than this) No, he dies here, on this desert planet in the armpit of the universe, by some nimrods calling themselves the Protectors of the Commonfolk.
The Protectors had him cornered. Two behind him, two on each of his sides, and two in front of him. And all of them had guns pointed at him, while Mirror couldn’t point anything at them, not even his hammer, Magnkiller (it had been lost a few days back during a skirmish).
Normally, guns wouldn’t be a problem. Mirror had this lovely ability to heal quickly from wounds, be they minor or mortal. However, the Protectors had guns that fired some kind of element that he couldn’t really heal from. He’d seen it before, but not in his universe. Either way, they had it, and they had him.
One of the two in front of him spoke. This Protector, like his fellow soldiers, wore a black mask with goggles and body armor.
“Dorkpool,” he said. “We, the Protectors of the Commonfolk, charge you with the crime of trying to usurp our true ruler. How do you plead?”
A few thoughts went through Mirror’s head. There was the always classic, “Not guilty?” said as a question, showing his adorable meekness and vulnerability. There was, “No, I charge you on five counts of being douchebags.” A good (ish) insult, but it’d likely get him dead quicker, or more painfully. He decided, screw it, he’d be honest with this nutjobs.
“Does it really matter what I plead?” Mirror asked. “You’re just going to kill me anyway. And believe me, I’d much rather be dead than listen to your holier-than-thou, ‘I’m doing this to protect the empire’ bullshit.”
“Very well,” the speaking Protector said, raising his gun. “Your sentence is death.”
The Protectors aimed their guns at the former ruler and Riffer. Then Mirror heard bangs, and saw a bright light…
Dorkpool: You know, the Spinpasta Wiki wasn’t really a bad idea.
Sylvia: What do you mean?
Dorkpool: Well, the idea of having a Wiki dedicated to spin-offs of popular Creepypasta stories wasn’t a terrible idea. The main Creepypasta Wiki didn’t want them, and if a talented writer had a good idea for a spin-off, this would be the place to put it.
Sylvia: Ok, that makes sense.
Dorkpool: Indeed. However, somehow that idea flew off the rails into a brick wall with a TNT interior, since this story, “Big Burtha,” exists. Is it terrible? Well, let’s read some sex scenes that even EL James would admit are awful, and Riff this bitch.
Sally was walking down the streat, comtimplating what so was going to do to get revenge for the death of her beloved brother who died from the hand of a serial killer which was why she was walking down the street.
Dorkpool: Wait, so what was she doing? You weren’t very clear.
the serial killer hanged in the area that Sally knew she hanged which was why she was walking down the particular street that she was walking down.
Sylvia: Story brought to you by the Redundant Department of Redundancy.
she saw a shadow and pulled out a hammer,
Dorkpool: (Sally): It’s hammer time!
when the serial killer whos name was Rose walked down to her. She swung at her and Rose bled profuselly but she got up and attempted to gut rose but only got her kidney. Rose ate it and spat it at her.
Sylvia: She ate her own kidney?
Dorkpool: I think so. I’m not quite sure.
Sylvia: What are you sure of?
Dorkpool: That Sally was walking down the street.
"fuck you, you digusting piece of shit" said sally
"You don't know what the fuck ive been through" said Rose
Dorkpool: The cry of emos everywhere.
Sally has a tragic past, being traumatically raped on many times on end by her father, he would drag her to the basement and torture her physically and sexuallu. sally had no mom
Sylvia: (Narrator): Since her mom left before she was born.
as her father killed her but she didn't kknow. She was raped thousands of times
Dorkpool: Wow, rapists do not really last very long any more.
and her father would frequently burn her with hot irons. He would brake bottles and stick them in her vajina. One day her brother figured this out, and cut off the dads finger while he was watching tv, he goujed his eyes out and made him swallow it, he cut his balls off and stabbed him in the gut, he took his intestant and chocked the dad with it, rigtht on the brink of death the dead stabbed him in the theye, he grabbed his leg and took a switchbade to the dads cranium, he opened it and poot the cranium noodles
Sylvia: For some reason, the phrase “cranium noodles” is making me hungry.
Dorkpool: It’s making me laugh.
all over the place, he grabbed a liter and burned the dad alive, and the house too. he took sally and they stayed at a motel from the money that they stole from dad. One day Sallys brother died tragically, he was found gutted and with his entrails in a bag at the old houses dormstep. his name was Jerehd.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): His parents were drunk when they named him.
Sally figured out that Jerehd raped the serial killer and was murdered by her.
Sally stabbed Rose in the neck, rose took it out and threw it in Sally's eye.
Sylvia: She eats her own kidney, and throws her own neck at an enemy. This girl is brutal.
She screamed as rose grabbed a wood plank and chrushed her hands. Rose started to crack her head in, but Sally took out a hidden blade and stabbed rose in he ankle
"I AM GOING TO DROP IT ON YOU, like I DID WITH YOUR BRUTHA, I WILL DROP IT ON YOU LIKE BIG BURTHA"
Dorkpool: And the award for most stupid piece of dialogue goes to…”Big Burtha!” Congratulations, that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read!
Rose said as she bashed Sally's skull in, brains and organs were on her stick, and she walked away.
Sally woke up, in a place with nothing but white. Her brother jerehd was there, and he walked over to sally. They took off their cloths and began to have sex,
Sylvia: Oh, they’re from the South.
he fucked her, and she sucked him off, he took his seaman and rubbed it on Sallys. boobs and licked it off. she organismed, and they stayed in the white bed in purgeatory, forever.
Dorkpool: Purgatory is really, really weird.
Dorkpool: This story sucks. The spelling and grammar are awful, the narrator feels the need to repeat herself, there’s no characterization, and we get the always lovely “person who knows nothing about sex writing about sex.” Let me explain the last one a bit. It’s clear the writer knows absolutely nothing about sex, yet is trying to throw it in to make it more scary/gory. However, it ends up backfiring and sounding really stupid and funny. I call it the 50 Shades of Grey Effect. I should also mention that this person, while trying to figure out synonyms for body parts, writes some pretty funny shit. “Cranium noodles,” anyone? And, finally, this story has the stupidest sentence I’ve ever read. And considering what I’ve read, that’s saying something.
Sylvia: There are good things. The story falls into the category of “so bad it’s good.” Yes, it’s awful, but it’s unintentionally extremely funny. Also, it’s short, so it’s not a drag to read. And, by the way, this is apparently a sequel, but it’s one that still manages to be somewhat coherent even if you didn’t read the first one.
Dorkpool: But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish someone would take out our cranium noodles? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
Mirror honestly thought he was dead, and the light was the light one sees when they die. However, he was wrong. This light was the light one sees when they’re being transported via transporter beam.
When Mirror appeared on the Cheese Doodle, he was honestly relieved to see Dorkpool. He was even more relieved when his alternate universe counterpart didn’t smell of alcohol. And he seemed to have found a new lady friend. Hm. That was quicker than he expected.
“Welcome back, buddy,” Dorkpool said. “Loving the yellow,”
“Thanks,” Mirror responded. “Why did you come for me? And how did you find me?”
“Well, I missed you, and I tracked you through your DNA signature. Because, you know, scientific technobabble is a thing. Anyway, come on, I’m sure you need something to eat and drink, plus you might want to take a shower. Then I’ll catch you up on what happened while you were away.”
Mirror nodded, and started walking to the bathroom, turned around, and said, “Thank you. It’s good to be back.”
“Good to have you back.”