Dorkpool: Ok, so we’re in the same boat. Well, ship, actually…
Dorkpool: Yeah. Starship. You know, the Cheese Doodle?
Mirror: Oh, I thought you meant something else.
Dorkpool: What would I – oh.
Dorkpool: You think anyone’s drawn fan art for that?
Mirror: I doubt it.
Mirror: How is that a bad thing?
Dorkpool: Because, once there’s erotic fan art of us on the Internet, it means we’ve made it. It means we have a fanbase large enough to want to see pictures of people on this ship doing naughty things to each other.
Mirror: Or that people are bored.
Dorkpool: I like my version better. Anyway, let’s torrent some shows and Riff this bitch!
It was just a normal Saturday morning for me, downloading movies off the internet (don't judge me; I had to pay my long overdue rent).
Dorkpool: Too late, I’m already judging you.
Although I hated downloading torrents for Caillou, I had no choice since my 2 year old niece Katie loved this show, and it was birthday the next day.
Mirror: (Person): Hey, what’s today?
Dorkpool: (Narrator): BIRTHDAY.
After downloading a couple of movies for myself, the doorbell rang and when I opened the door; I was puzzled as to why someone dumped a wrapped DVD case in front my apartment when they could have just left it in the mailboxes downstairs, I mean, I always check my mailbox everyday. When I opened it, my prayers were answered!
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Rent money!
It was a pre-owned Caillou collection DVD which had every episode from seasons 1-5! I found it a bit odd that I did not order it, but I didn't care, I could finally stop downloading the Caillou torrents and download my other movies!
Mirror: (Narrator): Which is great, since it was weird downloading porn and Caillou.
I watched a few episodes to check the condition, and it was good to go. But the day after Katie's 3rd birthday would be the day I swore to check every single DVD even more carefully before giving it to someone.
I arrived at my Sister Dana's house the next day, which of course, was decorated for a 2 year old girl's birthday party and had little kids playing wildly.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): Ugh, screaming children. What hell have I entered?
Of course, I spent the whole day there catching up on old times with Dana and helping Katie enjoy her birthday party, until it was time for me to go back home, not before giving Katie her present of course.
The next day, I woke up to my bedside phone ringing. I picked up the phone and heard Dana's angry voice on the other end of the line. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU MAKING MY DAUGHTER WATCH, DAVID?"
Mirror: (David): My cult indoctrination video, of course.
I was really confused now, Dana usually has no problem with Caillou. After a few more minutes of arguing with Dana, and assuring her that I checked th DVD's condition before giving it to Katie, I finally agreed to come over. When I arrived, Katie was crying on her Mom, who was glaring at me and holding the DVD with her other hand. I took the DVD and put it in the TV room's DVD player. I checked the episodes again and for some reason, none of the episodes wanted to play. When the episode select scene came up, there was now only one episode that was titled as "Caillou Episode ???" I didn't like where this was going,
Dorkpool: Neither do the rest of us, but for different reasons.
but I pressed the play button on the remote.
The theme song played pretty normally, it was the version where it starts off with 2 year old Caillou carrying the newborn Baby Rosie. The song was only able to sing "I'm just a kid who's 4, each day I grow some more-"
Mirror: (Caillou): Until I become a giant, and will tower over everyone like a god. KNEEL BEFORE CAILLOU, PEASANTS!
before it hanged at the frame of Caillou cradling Baby Rosie for about 10 seconds which then changed into something really disturbing for a split second before fading to black; The room became totally dark and Caillou had a sinister looking smile that reached all the way to his ears, his teeth were stained with flesh and blood and there were very realistic looking bites and tears in the flesh of different parts of Baby Rosie's body, who had blood coming out of her nose and mouth, and who was also crying the same substance.
Dorkpool: [CLICHÉ INTENSIFIES]
The episode title cards usually show a certain scene from the episode that was going to play, but the title card of this episode was just an eerie black background with the episode's title in the same font as the rest of the episodes in the series, except it was a blood red "Sacrificing Rosie", and it was awfully silent, the grandma narrator did not read out the episode's title, which was normally expected, and the episode's title made me sick to the bone.
Mirror: Well, you have to admit, sacrifice is a much quicker alternative to putting her in an orphanage.
The beginning of the episode looked pretty normal, with Rosie running around with Caillou's toy car and her irritated big brother chasing her while yelling, "Give the car back Rosie!!!!" Mommy decided to intervene and made Rosie give the toy car back to Caillou. Mommy and Daddy needed to go somewhere that night, and Julie could not make it because of a fever, so the best option they had was to drop off their kids at Mr. Hinkle's house.
Dorkpool: I’m not a parent, but if I were, I’m not sure I’d be comfortable dropping my kids off with a guy named “Mr. Hinkle.”
Caillou and Rosie were very surprised to see Mr. Hinkle's house littered with various colored candles, Inverted pentagrams on the walls drawn in blood, Inverted Crucifixes and occult books.
Mirror: (Mr. Hinkle): Sorry about all of this, my interior designer is kind of nuts.
Caillou was really scared and turned around to run, but saw Mr. Hinkle carrying a now tied up Rosie, and pointing a gun at Caillou, saying, "Don't even think about it! You will be a pretty addition to our Dark lord's child sex slaves." He then proceeded to make out with Rosie and touch lustfully before someone knocked out Caillou with a police baton. I wanted to stop watching but I felt as if some force compelled me to continue. God, why was I such a retard?!
Dorkpool: While I wouldn’t phrase it that way, that question has come up when it comes to many other characters in Creepypasta stories.
Caillou woke up and found himself in a forest tied to a post and surrounded by people in black robes, some of whom he recognized: Clementine's Mom, Mr. Hinkle and his Sister, Ms. Martin and Julie! He also saw a cross on the ground, as if they were going to crucify someone. A few moments later, they cut Caillou open and pulled out his intestines. Then some other people arrived dragging Rosie (who was crying really hard) by a rope around her neck. As the priest chanted in a Latin sounding language,
Mirror: (David): …that wasn’t Latin.
they proceeded to tear off Rosie's dress and rape her violently before securing her naked body to the cross with Caillou's intestines and pounding large nails through her hands and feet. After inverting Rosie's cross, they consecrated her body to Satan and then proceeded to stab her around 30 times until she died.
Dorkpool: Oh, come on, you can get more cliché than that. Why not stab her 666 times?
Mommy and Daddy arrived home that night with a message taped on their door: "GO TO THE BACKYARD." When Mommy and Daddy reached the backyard, the camera panned on their shocked faces, before the screen went totally black. Then up came the most disturbing picture ever:
Mirror: Donald Trump in a bikini?
Rosie's naked body was crucified upside down and she had multiple stab wounds from head to toe, while Caillou's headless body lay on the sandbox. It stayed that way before red static filled the TV screen for a minute. The static sound grew louder with each passing second until a picture of Rosie's dead face popped up on screen and froze for one minute before she sprang back to life, staring straight at me with black eyes that had small red pupils and bloody tears dripping from them, crying, not in her normal voice, but a demonic sounding voice before the scene just disappeared into a black screen.
Dorkpool: Hi, story, it’s “Squidward’s Suicide.” They want their plot points back.
Then a haunting message came up saying: "Your niece is mine, David!" before Rosie's face popped up again for a split second like with a sudden blast of screaming from the speakers, as though it were on Max volume. Causing Katie to scream and start crying. I was really scared and really pissed, that I pulled the DVD out of the system and burned it in front of Dana and Katie in their backyard.
When I got home, I couldn't sleep, the nightmares that DVD gave me kept me up all night, so I went to my kitchen to make Chamomile Tea, but What I saw shocked me, the Jesus figurine on the crucifix in my apartment was replaced with Rosie, looking like she did in the movie, looking at me and crying blood!
Mirror: (David): I really need to fire my interior decorator.
Dorkpool: This story sucks.
Mirror: It’s your cliché lost episode story. Hell, it takes parts from “Squidward’s Suicide” almost verbatim. Seriously, where else have you heard of a character staring ahead at the screen with black eyes that had small red pupils and was crying blood? Besides that, nothing is really explained. Where did the episode come from? No idea. How was Rosie in your kitchen? Not explained. Then again, that’s par for the course with lost episode stories. Same with a lack of characterization, which is something that actually might have made the events in the story a bit more scary. If you care for the characters, then you don’t want any harm or such to come to them. However, you know and care nothing for them, so any scares aren’t really scary. I should also note that certain parts of this story aren’t necessary. You don’t to have David like torrenting movies and such; it just padded out the story. You could’ve just had him look for a Caillou DVD in stores, but couldn’t find it, then somehow get the DVD. Or you could’ve just had him see the episode as a torrent. Either would’ve worked, to be honest. Also, the writer has a penchant for run-on sentences. Just saying.
Dorkpool: There are some good things about the story. It’s short, which is nice since it doesn’t drag. And for a story like this, the spelling and grammar isn’t that bad. However, the story still isn’t all that good. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d be additions to the Dark Lord’s sex slaves? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.