He started with the parents. A man and woman, sleeping in bed. So peaceful. Jeff quickly slit their throats, and cut smiles into their faces.
He wasn’t in the house to be subtle, after all.
Next stop was the kid’s room. There was only one kid, and she was out like a light. As Jeff crept in silently, he almost tripped on a doll the kid had lying around. The kid seemed to be kind of a slob. He took care not to step on anything on the floor, and finally got to the kid’s bed. He raised his knife, and…
She woke up.
Surprisingly, she didn’t scream or anything. She just looked up at him, probably too shocked to scream.
“Go to sleep,” Jeff told her.
In another surprise, the girl said, “I was. Then you woke me up.”
“Well, now I’m going to put you back to sleep,” Jeff responded.
“What, with that knife?”
Great. Another smartass. First that clown, Dorkpool, and now this girl. Couldn’t he have a victim that didn’t make witty comebacks?
“Yes,” Jeff said, and proceeded to slit the girl’s throat. Well, he at least managed to shut up this smartass. If this plan worked, then hopefully he’d shut up another one.
While he didn’t really like working with the Project or that guy in the skull helmet (who still hadn’t given Jeff his name, much to his chagrin), he liked having that Dorkpool guy around even less.
Who knows, maybe after the plan has been completed and Dorkpool is dead, he’d kill that skull helmet guy.
That thought made Jeff smile just a bit more as he went about his work.
Dorkpool: You know, we’ve been Riffed a lot of spin-offs.
Mirror: Yep, and for some reason a lot of them involve Jeff the Killer.
Dorkpool: I know, right? Well, since yesterday we Riffed a Candle Cove spin-off, why don’t we Riff a spin-off of another somewhat well-regarded story?
Mirror: What story? “1999?” “The Russian Sleep Experiment?”
Dorkpool: Nope. “BEN Drowned.”
Mirror: I thought you said “well-regarded story.”
Dorkpool: Well, “BEN Drowned” is well-regarded…ish. Not quite sure I can say the same for this story, “BOB Drowned.”
Dorkpool: Anyway, let’s play a haunted game, and Riff this bitch!
This is a continuation of BEN Drowned, taken from the perspective of Matt.
Dorkpool: (Narrator): It’s ok if you don’t remember him; no one else does either.
Mirror: (Matt): And this is Jackass.
and you might know me from being tagged in Jadusable's videos. Well, there's a reason I've been tagged into his videos: Ben added them. I thought he couldn't get into the tags, but he did. I was Jadusable's roommate, and ever since I got The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, I've had similar problems as him.
Dorkpool: (Matt): Because after seeing him go insane from playing a Zelda game, I thought, “Hey, I should get a Zelda game!”
I got the game online for a very low price, and I wanted to replay my favorite childhood game. After a few days, the game arrived and the first thing I noticed upon looking at the cartridge was that it had a sticked-on label attached to it, reading "BOB's",
Mirror: It’s BOB’s? How could BOB play it? He has no arms.
Dorkpool: He’s very talented with his feet.
but I disregarded this and got out my Nintendo 64. When I put it in, the game the title screen glitched out and I was already fighting what looked like the Elegy of Emptiness statue, but a little different.
Dorkpool: (Matt): It was wearing a tutu.
It was taller, and had red-blond hair. Its face was a little more wided out, too, and its hat was slightly longer. Then a text box came up:
This was followed by other lines of giberish which didn't seem to end.
Mirror: “Sonic.exe” is that you?
I took out the cartridge and blew the dust out. And then everything worked just fine. But then I looked on my computer, and a website called Evie came up. It was similar to Cleverbot, but it showed a woman who wore the Happy Mask Salesman's face.
Dorkpool: (Matt): What a turn on.
I tried closing the window, and turning off his computer, but nothing worked. I typed into the chat:
User: Who is this?
Mirror: (Evie): THIS IS SPARTA!
User: Answer the question. Or are you a bot?
Evie: I'm not a bot.
Dorkpool: (Evie): I AM A MAN! Er, woman. –punch-
User: Well then how the fuck did you open this window?
Mirror: (Evie): The power of Satan.
Evie: I'll ask the questions.
User: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?!
Dorkpool: (Evie): I’m Bob. Who The Fuck Is This is on first base.
User: Bob? The guy who's name is on my cartridge?
User: Why the fuck are you on my computer?
Evie: You brought me here.
Mirror: (Bob): And I’ve seen your Internet history. I didn’t know so half that kind of porn existed.
User: What are you talking about/
Evie: Play the game.
User: No. Are you trying to act like the thing that was terrorizing my roommate? I guess you reading about what he wrote, weren't you?
Evie: I'm Ben's brother.
User: Great, now get off.
Dorkpool: Ok, no joke, that was kind of funny.
Evie: If that will make you feel safer.
(the window is closed)
Throughout the week, the statue I saw when playing OOT has been appearing on my computer when it shouldn't. It's been on ads, images, and sometimes randomly on websites.
Mirror: Worst pop up ever.
I don't feel safe. I get back on to Evie.
User: If you are really Ben's brother, why are you here? Why not Ben?
Evie: He is busy with Jadusable.
Dorkpool: (Bob): They’re on a date.
User: Jadusable killed himself.
Dorkpool: (Bob): I never said it was a good date.
User: So why isn't Ben here?
Evie: You just don't want to listen to me.
Mirror: (Matt): What?
I told you, he is busy with Jadusable.
(the window is closed)
...What? Busy with Jadusable? I don't get what that means. I get back onto Evie.
User: You aren't making sense. Explain who you are
Evie: Bob, his older brother.
User: How did ben drown?
Dorkpool: (Bob): He decided to play Aquaman.
Evie: We both drowned.
Mirror: (Bob): We were submerged in water and couldn’t breathe. You’re not very bright, are you?
Evie: The father.
User: The father?
User: What father? Why didn't ben tell this to Jadusable?
Dorkpool: (Bob): Because the story was already long enough.
Evie: It was reserved for another.
(The window is closed.)
And now I get it. "It's reserved for another." Me.
Mirror: No, not really. Bob was just bored, and decided to tell an unimportant side character.
Dorkpool: This story sucks.
Mirror: This story feels less like a spin-off, and more like a rip-off. Spin-offs and sequels and such should be made to further the original story, answer unanswered questions, and just bring us back to the world that was created in the original story. While this story does sort of answer some unanswered questions and kind of bring us back to the world created in the original, it’s not necessary. And it just makes more questions than answers. For example, why does Matt even want to play a Zelda game after what happened to Jadusable? Why does Matt somehow get a game that has Ben’s brother inhabiting it? Since when did Ben have a brother? Why did Bob decide to use Evie as his choice for communication as opposed to Cleverbot? Why not Omegle? How do both Bob and Ben have supernatural powers? Why does Bob even inhabit a game cartridge anyway? Why is Bob less of a dick than Ben? Who is Ben and Bob’s father? Why did he drown them? Did Bob mean father as in a biological father, or father in the sense of Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit (or maybe he meant Darth Vader)? And finally, why was Matt the one that Bob/Ben wanted to tell this to? Even ignoring those glaring questions, there’s still the grammar mistakes (mostly towards the end with tense screw-ups), the fact that Ben’s brother is named Bob (seriously, Ben I could understand, but Bob? Seriously?), the fact that this story feels like a shortened version of “BEN Drowned” with some name changes, and the fact that what is supposed to be this story’s big scare/reveal is something that was pretty much glossed over in the original story (seriously, I had to reread “BEN Drowned” to understand what Bob meant by Matt being the other) that makes this story less than good.
Dorkpool: Of course, there are good things. The spelling is pretty good. The story is short, which is refreshing considering how long “BEN Drowned” was. Some say that the fact that “BEN Drowned” was long was a good thing; I don’t. A lot of its length was unnecessary, and made it a bit of a drag to read. This story doesn’t have that problem, which is very nice. Also, that line where Matt tells Bob to get off was kind of funny. It’s rare that there’s an intentionally funny line in stories like these. But even with that line, this story still isn’t all that good. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Should we have done this? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
“I think I might have an idea of where Jeff is hiding,” Mirror Dorkpool said.
He, Dorkpool, and Indometus had been gathering on the bridge for a few weeks now, reporting on their progress when it came to finding Jeff the Killer. And for a few weeks, that progress had been basically nothing. Somehow, finding a guy who looked like a decent Joker cosplayer had been proving to be a pain.
“Do tell,” Dorkpool said. It was either that, or “Took you long enough,” and after all that had happened betwixt them recently, he thought it best not to antagonize him.
Mirror Dorkpool pulled up a map on a console behind him. The map was of the US, with a part of Wyoming circled.
“Police in Cheyenne, Wyoming, reported a murder recently. The victims had smiles cut into their faces, and a note on the wall written in blood,” Mirror Dorkpool said.
He pulled up a picture of the note. “READY FOR A REMATCH CLOWN?” it said.
“Wow, even when Jeff himself writes, he can’t use proper grammar. Commas are your friend, you know,” Dorkpool responded.
“I’m more shocked that this happened in Wyoming,” Indometus said.
“What do you mean?” asked Dorkpool.
“Well, does anything ever happen in Wyoming?”
Both Dorkpools thought for a minute before shaking their heads.
“Exactly,” Indometus said.
“Well, maybe Jeff wants to make something interesting happen in Wyoming,” Mirror Dorkpool suggested.
“Sure, it’s going to be the place where I kick Jeff’s ass,” the non-Mirror Dorkpool said.
He got up, and told the two, “Good work. Both of you, keep looking for Mr. Every-Story-I-Am-Associated-With-Is-Ruined,”
“Where are you going?” Indometus asked.
“To the holodeck to partake in an 80s action movie style training montage. Got to be ready this time,” Dorkpool answered, and went on his way.