Mirror: Oh, good.
Dorkpool: Yep. Hopefully it’ll actually be a good story instead of another bad one.
Mirror: Well, considering it’s on here, the odds aren’t in the story’s favor.
Dorkpool: Hey, you never know. Let’s just Riff this bitch to find out.
The following is a transcript is an interview with Curtis Jackman, the boy who killed in the school camping massacre.
Dorkpool: And the award for awkward sentence phrasing goes to…
Dr.Mascovich: My name is doctor Mascovich, I am a doctor studying alot of disorders, people and insanity. I am currently interviewing Curtis Jackman, would you like to to say something?
Mirror: (Curtis): Please don’t refer to me in the third person. I’m right here.
Dr.Mascovich: So Curtis, so apparently hearing voices in your head, am i correct?
Dorkpool: (Curtis): Yep. They tell me to build a fort out of aluminum foil to protect me from the aliens’ mind control laser beams.
Dr.Mascovich: So, please begin.
Curtis: Well i keep hearing this voice, it's like a whisper saying something i can't make ou---
Dr.Mascovich: Curtis? you okay?
Mirror: Oh, shut up, Gavin.
Dr.Mascovich: Curtis calm down! Curtis!
Dr.Mascovich: Let's try again. Does the voice say it's name?
Curtis: I can only make out the entity.
Dr.Mascovich: The entity?
Curtis: He thinks i am worthy!
Dorkpool: He must have some pretty low standards.
But worthy of what, i don't know what it is! I don't know!!!!!!
Dr.Mascovich: Well, maybe you should calm down.
Curtis: You forgot to restrict something.
Curtis: My Shotgun.
Mirror: (Dr. Mascovich): Curtis, you can’t call shotgun in a psychiatric ward.
Curtis: Oh they can't hear or see you now, it's just me and you. The entity has done it. So doctor would like a bullet to the chest if you wanna know? or would you know.
Curtis: He's the entity, he's faceless that wears a black and red coat, everything he wears is black and he has a scythe with three sides!
Dorkpool: (Curtis): He’s my OC and I have pictures of him on Deviantart!
Curtis: And his other name is Cabadath!
Mirror: (Curtis): He’s also known as Megadeth.
[Loading of shotgun]
Curtis: Oh now they can see us.
Security Guard: Put the weapon down and hands up!
Curtis: Look behind you...
Dorkpool: (Guard): Really? Do you really think I’m going to fall for that? That’s like the oldest trick in the book.
Guard: Holy shit! fire!
[Sounds of scythe landing]
Guard: What...Are You...
Mirror: (Curtis): I’m queen of the castle.
[Sound of scythe landing]
Dorkpool: (Cabadath): Got that, dead guy?
Dorkpool: This story isn’t great.
Mirror: The spelling and grammar have some errors here and there. Also, there are some plot holes. Mainly, the rifle thing. Sure, it can be implied that Cabadath gave Curtis the gun, but it was never said outright. I mean, maybe the doctor could’ve asked, “Where’d you get the gun?” Then Curtis could’ve talked a bit about the entity and such. Because as far as we know, the guards could just be morons who ignored a shotgun. Also, there’s not much characterization, which sucks, since this setup is ripe for good character moments. For example, if you’ve ever read the graphic novel Watchmen (and if you haven’t, you should), there’s a scene where a character called Rorschach is locked up and interviewed by a psychologist. The psychologist is a pretty optimistic guy, and Rorschach is not. Through multiple interviews, we see Rorschach get to the psychologist, making him more serious and less happy over time, and start to understand how awful humanity can be. It was really good sequence, one of very many. But anyway, something like that would’ve been great here.
Dorkpool: There are good things about this story. For one thing, it’s short, so it doesn’t drag. For another, it has some good ideas. As was stated, the setup was ripe for good character moments, and the idea that this kid has some being residing in him might have created some tension, since you have no idea when and/or if this being is going to appear and kill the doctor. This story is of a type I both like and don’t like: wasted potential. Good ideas not done very well. On the one hand, the idea was botched. On the other, it’s good and could be used by someone else in a good story. All in all, the story could’ve been great, but instead ended up being mediocre. But that’s what we think. What do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish we’d be killed by a being called Cabadath? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.