The author of "The Build-A-Bear Workshop Massacer", who I'm going to call "Bob" so as not to associate the actual writer with that piece of work (I don't want to embarrass the fellow), is at it again, this time with a somewhat better story called "Mr. Candy". Don't get me wrong, "somewhat better" doesn't mean "good". At best, it means "tolerable". Why do I say that? Well, let's eat some candy and Riff this bitch!
It was finally my favorite holiday HALLOWEEN!
(Narrator): It’s makes so happy that I have to CAPITALIZE THE WORD!
All the treats, pranking your mean old neighbor,
(Narrator): …getting killed by Michael Myers,
and best of all you get to be anything you want. But my mom was very worried and I knew why it was because off all those kids who went missing and were found dead the day after Halloween. But I told her to not worry 1. I'm from New York
So because you’re a New Yorker, you won’t go missing? Logical.
2. I'm tough and 3. I can protect myself. It seemed that convinced my mom so she let me go but I had to be back at 11:15 PM that was enough time to get my bag full of candy that I cant carry it anymore. I put on my mask and
(Narrator): …robbed a convenience store
got a bag to collect my candy. I went outside and looked at my watch it was 7:00 PM that meant I had 4 hours and 15 minutes to go trick-or-treating but I felt
(Narrator): …like I was being anal retentive.
something... like I was being watched, but it could just be a raccoon or a small animal. So I just let it go and went to the first house I saw and range
Maybe it’s a typo, and the writer meant to writer “rang.” Or maybe it’s a new style of writing that involves randomly adding ‘e’s to words. Which one is it? YOU DECIDE.
the door bell, but then I had the same feeling that I was being watched again.
So I looked up and saw something that scared me, it was looking down at me from the top window I took a closer look but nothing was their the door then slammed open and out came a little kid with a bowl of candy so I took one.
(Narrator): It turned out to be poisoned.
Their is a urban legend in this neighborhood " Don't get greedy with your candy. And if you do Mr.Candy will come and get you. He will stuff your face with many treats and make your belly grow until you POP!" The first time I herd this urban legend really freaked me out
Pussy.
so every time I took only 1 piece of candy whenever I went trick-or-treat. I looked at my watch and it was 7:45 PM so I went to the next house but nothing happened I knocked on the door but then it opened the strange thing is that nobody was there.
I slowly entered the house
Wait, wait, wait. There was nobody home, so you enter the house? Yeah, that’s not going to look good when the residents of the house return.
but it was pitch black I went a little foreword and saw a small dim light as I walked closer to the light I was coming closer to my nightmare when I reached the light there was a door so I opened it and I tried to scream but couldn't the seen was so disturbing.
I don’t think it can be any more disturbing than Arnold Schwarzenegger making ice puns.
There were 2 bodies on the ground with blood covering them I walked up to one and turned it over and it was a little kid but his eyes were missing, his mouth was ripped open, the belly was opened up and I looked inside and his organs were missing heart, kidneys, his spine was torn out of the kid's back, his guts were all over the floor, and his ribcage was bashed up, and his limbs were torn off
Eh, ice puns are worse.
the other body was probably the father or mother but I wasn't going to check it out I was about to call the police when I heard the door creek and I saw him...
(Narrator): Shia LeBouf.
Mr.Candy, he tried to grab me but I ducked and ran out the door I reached my house and locked the door.
I called my mom but I didn't hear a response I saw a note saying that she was at the grocery store and that she will be back at 9:00 PM I then called the police but then the power went down and the power went back
And that scene was totally pointless.
and I turned around and saw a hung body I took a closer look and it was my MOM!
Don’t worry, she’s just hanging around. Oh, come on, I had to.
Some of her hair was ripped off her stomach was cut or ripped open her guts were dangling and her throat was ripped open. Then something caught my eye I took a closer look and it was a spelling but in blood and it said,
(Words):Zalgo comes.
" You cant escape what you see." and I knew I wasn't alone for he was here. I'm the only person who saw Mr.Candy and survived but more kids die each year because of Mr.Candy.
NEVER BE GREEDY WITH YOUR CANDY UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE.
If Mr. Candy tries screwing with my Hershey’s, he’s going to die.
END RIFF
Despite being better than most of his other stories, Bob's "Mr. Candy" still sucks. While it does have somewhat better writing than "The Build-A-Bear Workshop Massacer" or "Slashy" (another one of his stories), it still has quite a few of his trademarks: misspelling, long run-on sentences, and things that come out of nowhere. Now, to this story's credit, that last one isn't a huge thing. There are only a few instances of it, like when the main character sees Mr. Candy and immediately knows it's Mr. Candy. How can he know who it is if he's never seen him before? Or there's that catch phrase at the end that's pretty stupid, and comes out of nowhere.
All in all, this story sucks, but not as much as Bob's other stories.
So, what do you guys think? Is the story good? Is the Riff good? Do you wish Mr. Candy would kill me? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
It was finally my favorite holiday HALLOWEEN!
(Narrator): It’s makes so happy that I have to CAPITALIZE THE WORD!
All the treats, pranking your mean old neighbor,
(Narrator): …getting killed by Michael Myers,
and best of all you get to be anything you want. But my mom was very worried and I knew why it was because off all those kids who went missing and were found dead the day after Halloween. But I told her to not worry 1. I'm from New York
So because you’re a New Yorker, you won’t go missing? Logical.
2. I'm tough and 3. I can protect myself. It seemed that convinced my mom so she let me go but I had to be back at 11:15 PM that was enough time to get my bag full of candy that I cant carry it anymore. I put on my mask and
(Narrator): …robbed a convenience store
got a bag to collect my candy. I went outside and looked at my watch it was 7:00 PM that meant I had 4 hours and 15 minutes to go trick-or-treating but I felt
(Narrator): …like I was being anal retentive.
something... like I was being watched, but it could just be a raccoon or a small animal. So I just let it go and went to the first house I saw and range
Maybe it’s a typo, and the writer meant to writer “rang.” Or maybe it’s a new style of writing that involves randomly adding ‘e’s to words. Which one is it? YOU DECIDE.
the door bell, but then I had the same feeling that I was being watched again.
So I looked up and saw something that scared me, it was looking down at me from the top window I took a closer look but nothing was their the door then slammed open and out came a little kid with a bowl of candy so I took one.
(Narrator): It turned out to be poisoned.
Their is a urban legend in this neighborhood " Don't get greedy with your candy. And if you do Mr.Candy will come and get you. He will stuff your face with many treats and make your belly grow until you POP!" The first time I herd this urban legend really freaked me out
Pussy.
so every time I took only 1 piece of candy whenever I went trick-or-treat. I looked at my watch and it was 7:45 PM so I went to the next house but nothing happened I knocked on the door but then it opened the strange thing is that nobody was there.
I slowly entered the house
Wait, wait, wait. There was nobody home, so you enter the house? Yeah, that’s not going to look good when the residents of the house return.
but it was pitch black I went a little foreword and saw a small dim light as I walked closer to the light I was coming closer to my nightmare when I reached the light there was a door so I opened it and I tried to scream but couldn't the seen was so disturbing.
I don’t think it can be any more disturbing than Arnold Schwarzenegger making ice puns.
There were 2 bodies on the ground with blood covering them I walked up to one and turned it over and it was a little kid but his eyes were missing, his mouth was ripped open, the belly was opened up and I looked inside and his organs were missing heart, kidneys, his spine was torn out of the kid's back, his guts were all over the floor, and his ribcage was bashed up, and his limbs were torn off
Eh, ice puns are worse.
the other body was probably the father or mother but I wasn't going to check it out I was about to call the police when I heard the door creek and I saw him...
(Narrator): Shia LeBouf.
Mr.Candy, he tried to grab me but I ducked and ran out the door I reached my house and locked the door.
I called my mom but I didn't hear a response I saw a note saying that she was at the grocery store and that she will be back at 9:00 PM I then called the police but then the power went down and the power went back
And that scene was totally pointless.
and I turned around and saw a hung body I took a closer look and it was my MOM!
Don’t worry, she’s just hanging around. Oh, come on, I had to.
Some of her hair was ripped off her stomach was cut or ripped open her guts were dangling and her throat was ripped open. Then something caught my eye I took a closer look and it was a spelling but in blood and it said,
(Words):Zalgo comes.
" You cant escape what you see." and I knew I wasn't alone for he was here. I'm the only person who saw Mr.Candy and survived but more kids die each year because of Mr.Candy.
NEVER BE GREEDY WITH YOUR CANDY UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE.
If Mr. Candy tries screwing with my Hershey’s, he’s going to die.
END RIFF
Despite being better than most of his other stories, Bob's "Mr. Candy" still sucks. While it does have somewhat better writing than "The Build-A-Bear Workshop Massacer" or "Slashy" (another one of his stories), it still has quite a few of his trademarks: misspelling, long run-on sentences, and things that come out of nowhere. Now, to this story's credit, that last one isn't a huge thing. There are only a few instances of it, like when the main character sees Mr. Candy and immediately knows it's Mr. Candy. How can he know who it is if he's never seen him before? Or there's that catch phrase at the end that's pretty stupid, and comes out of nowhere.
All in all, this story sucks, but not as much as Bob's other stories.
So, what do you guys think? Is the story good? Is the Riff good? Do you wish Mr. Candy would kill me? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.